It's all about changing thinking patterns in the brain. Breaking mental associations and building new ones.
Your brain is a network of nerve cells, and each nerve cell may be connected to up to 10,000 other nerve cells. The 5 meetings a week are deliberately designed to build and then re-inforce specific patterns in your brain. The 'read a paragraph, then ask questions that repeat the paragraph' is an exercise to get YOU repeating what you have been told to really drive those patterns in there. The songs are a catchy way of implanting specific stories and emotions into your head. Assume that every minute you spent at the hall was deliberately designed by social engineers to maximize their opportunity to program your brain.
To break free of it, you have to actively contradict those patterns - you have to break them by demonstrating to yourself that those patterns are no good. They don't work. And then you have to build new patterns that overpower those patterns.
If I hear a voice in my head trying to beat me up over this or that, I yell back at it. I stop letting it beat me up, and I beat the hell out of it. I actively pursue articles on the web, watch TV documetaries, etc. that give me fuel to throw back at those voices. I watch and think about articles and documentaries that reinforce the philosophies and values I strive for. Basically, you can't just take things out of your brain, you have to feed it something new and better. This has worked very well for me, and I can honestly say I don't even have thoughts like 'you are a sinner' or armegeddon is comming' or any of that nonsense anymore.
For witness 'rules' with no benefit, I intentionally break them. This gives my brain an experience which contradicts those wt patterns. For a few weeks, I made it a point to swear and cuss about things my friends were swearing or cussing about. I don't swear or cuss often now, but I don't think about it as a 'sin' or such when I do it. I grew a bit of facial hair, and discovered nobody really cares (except my family, but I just remind them that Jesus had a beard, and the bible says nothing about it.. that's just witness tradition.) I color my hair for the fun of it.
I read whatever I want. I watch whatever movies I want. I associate with whoever I want... and the result? I've made some great friends, witnessed some incredible stories (even those that say 'fuck' 4 times instead of 3), and learned a lot of incredible things. Those brain patterns the watchtower gave me are proving more useless all the time, to the point that I no longer consider them 'useful'.
Obviously, some brain patterns may be useful (common sense), so be selective in deciding the value of what you learned. Extra-marital sex does not automatically equate to an STD, but there is risk associated with unprotected sex.. so get the facts and be smart.
There are a lot of brain patterns to unlearn, and some of them can take a long time, but that's a possible approach, and it's one that worked well for me.
I would recommend you keep looking for answers. Until you find new answers to replace the old, the old will continue to nag you.
- Lime
