you say "missed out on", as if you wish you could. you can you know. it's not too late.
but i can certainly understand why you chose not to. for the same reason we didn't pursue higher education or trying to make a difference in this world until we got out. it's like being on a plane that is perpetually taxi-ing. it's never going to land, but no one wants to admit it.
f- - - them for shattering so many lives...
and yet, you aren't bitter about it. your post was so eloquent and touching...
after i left i did all those things i wanted to do, and became a mother and am so happy that he isn't growing up around such whacked-out people. he has never known shame, phobia, oppression or social stigma; never learned to live a lie... he's free to be himself and who he wants to be and make his own choices in life because after all, it is his life, even if i gave it to him.
i think the most chilling thing you said was that they take normal desires and rip them from you. it's true. everything is for the org. everything. the totality of your surrender is mind-boggling, and you can't really grasp that until you have gone.
god bless you, zev!