sorry for you bad experiences, partly the ORG is to blame for putting a sense of self-importance into members, who can calim the "thocratical" career, whule being a "nobody" in rela world.
Even during my pre-apostate time, I always respected the views and decisions of the brothers, as much as the WTS allowed it of course..and so did some I know personally.
remember, most elders are just captives of a concept as well....