Goes to show how sick it is, that they guilt everyone about this simple matter, so that even if you wanted to partake, you're having to actually overcome fear of men to do it! If it really is a personal decision between a person and God, why do it this way? Oh, right. Everything's a personal decision, but they want to make sure they've told you what your decision should be and made you feel horrible if you want to make a different decision.
Sorry to hear that it upset you so. I'm still debating whether I'll make arrangements at home to partake. I'd rather not make a big issue out of it, though, especially because I just don't want to get into it with my wife. I don't really care whether I go to heaven or not, I just think partaking is something all Christians should do, whether it's once a year or once a week. Or once in a lifetime, even. Of course, I'm not really a Christian, per se, I'm not really anything but a bloody doormat, so...
Anyway, it does sadden me to hear that something that should be a joyful, spiritually uplifting occasion made you cry. I hope you'll find peace and the freedom to partake in private if you yearn to do so.
--sd-7