This is something I noticed long before I had any disagreements with the WT. Some of the OT accounts were just chilling to read, in my opinion. The images of men, women and children being slaughtered really stuck with me. I couldn't help thinking, so...no one could be spared? Some of the violence was pretty graphic. I just couldn't wrap my head around how God was not only okay with it, but actually commanded that it be done.
I figured, well, if God is okay with this sort of thing, then he's nothing more than a dictator in his own right. His ultimate goal seems to be to kill everyone who doesn't measure up. I thought of the 'new system' as a world where the slightest wrong thought would get you killed. And no one would even remember you were there, because God would wipe their memories. Didn't seem like a safe and happy place to me. Just a place where happiness would be a thin disguise for fear.
So...I didn't know this would become relevant to my future awakening, I just figured it was part of all the 'warning examples' and the warning was: Obey or Die. I assumed the end would be good, so maybe God was right in wiping out people who opposed him. I couldn't say how exactly. I just trusted it to be true. My mistake.
--sd-7