In part, my wife put some of my old books on her bookshelf (the 'Proclaimers' book is one I've picked up to flip through from time to time). I still have my 'Organized' book, 'Reasoning' book, and some others. I had this moment when I was cleaning out my closet recently and found some of the old books. I got rid of old magazines but...the books I just found myself unable to throw out. I couldn't part with them for some reason.
If I had to come up with a reason, it'd be...because it was a part of my life. My mom got baptized when I was 2, and I finally got out of it officially a few months before I turned 28. I'm 31 now, four years later. That's just about my entire life, contained in those books. My history. I don't want to see it every day, and I probably don't even want to read it again, most of the time, unless it's for some specific reference about an issue that comes to mind. I just...feel like it should be there. It made me sad to think of throwing them away. I guess it's a lot like that time awhile back when I went to a meeting just to watch the kids while my wife gave a talk. There was that sadness, like visiting the grave of an old friend I was forced to destroy. As long as they're there, they serve as a reminder of the weight of sacrifice. Of the cost of having to do the right thing, even when those I loved most would never believe in me or in the rightness of my path. The price of ending a war that had already cost too much and was started for all the wrong reasons.
I can't avoid JW books without divorcing my wife, anyway. So what's the point? Maybe if that day ever comes and our marriage does actually end, maybe then I'll get rid of the remaining books. I suppose I'm still tethered to it all, so it would be a vain gesture.
--sd-7