Flicka I'm sorry you are so torn up about your spirituality. I understand the battle for sure. {huggs}
My grandparents were witnessed to back in their 20's so my parents were raised and us siblings were raised as well. I got baptised at 19 after high school because I didn't want to do it when all my witness friends did, I wanted to make sure I was doing it for me and not social reasons. I had stayed quiet and to myself through school so I didn't make really close 'worldly' friends and then decided I passed the peer presure test and I would be a pioneer with spiritual goals ahead.
It changed as my friends beckered and judged each other... they were all five years yonger then me hence why I felt maybe muturity level was in play. But eventually I asked myself... is this all life is about, I wanted more out of life. And things changed.