Posts by babygirl30

22

What nearly one year of dating has taught me

by Newborn in

jw
friends

for those of you who doesn't care about my dating life can stop reading here...some of you knows a little bit since before and might want to have an update.

i've learned that there are a lot of players out there and that i may be one of those girls who easily fall for these types, unfortunately - not anymore though!i've learned that when a guy says, talk to you later, don't reply to your sms/text within 1-2 days, never calls you, doesn't suggest going to the movies or watching a football game together, only calls you drunk saturday nights, etc etc isn't interested in you, at all (except for perhaps one thing, and one thing only).i've learned that guys can be very cowardly when it comes to be honest abt their feelings and intentions (not all though) - mr. doe is perfect as we all knowi've learned that i'd rather stay single than being with the wrong personi've got to know myself better and know what i don't want!

!however, all in all, this year as a happy single and non jw has been a great experience for me.

babygirl30

I LOVE this topic...cause I posted about this on another site! I learned SO MUCH in really being able to freely DATE and be myself. Here is my org posting:

Granted, I held onto my 'purity' for a LONG time...but that was because I lived with my parents and my father (being the control freak he was) THREATENED that if I ever did!!!! knowing that I do not have to marry this man if I don't want to or am not ready but can continue to date him vs feeling like I have to marry the brother I was dating strictly because (x) amount of time was invested into the relationship and THAT is why we date - right? TO get married...and to break up would involve an explaination and possibly an accusation of misleading someones feelings.

Granted, bad guys are in and out of the truth, but I find that I am able to discern that and see it much quicker in the world then I could when I was in the org. The bros I dated - no matter what their profession - were not the kind of guys I really would've been happy with. Not because of them being JWs, but because of not feeling like I had a true connection with them...a deep one. Time alone was nil and so I didn't know if they would be good guys in the long run...if they were sexual deviants or boring as hell in the bedroom...what they really thought about a wifes role. Typically in JW dating, both are just so happy to have found a 'mate' that meets 85% of their requirements - with the #1 being that they're baptized - that the rest just comes AFTER they are married. Am I wrong? With my guy now, I've spent enough time around him to see who he is. Don't get me wrong - I don't know everything about him...but enough to make a decision that he is a good man, fun, makes me laugh, generous, and genuine. I bet if you asked him about me, he could tell you verbatim what kind of person I am too. But to ask the JWs' I dated....gauranteed their descriptions would be way off base - solely because we never really knew each other. Lord knows that it took my ex fiance about 6 mos to really start acting the FOOL and that is when I learned of his abusive behaviors. After 2yrs is when I found out the full spectrum of his abuse and lack of love for anyone but himself. IT's sad that some marriages are based off of that - this secluded version of 'dating' that we as JWs were taught. Couple meets, dates, and within 6 mos is planning a wedding. HOW???? What the freak do you really know about someone (if not previously friends over some time first) after only a few mos? My God, a job hires on a 90 day probation period....dating should be the same way.

31

For my sis, Kelly...12 years ago today.

by Tatiana in

jw
friends

my sis, kelly, killed herself 12 years ago today.

feels like yesterday.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&grid=5369813.

babygirl30

That was a beautiful 'rememberance' of her!

20

Propoganda from JW film excerpt: Painting the Fence with Brother Fisek

by OnTheWayOut in

i don't know if this one was posted, but i thought you might want to see what kind of garbage they tell the young ones.. stop missing meetings, stop setting college and career goals.

run for jehovah:.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz8t6rkp5mq&feature=player_embedded#.

babygirl30

I'm relatively young, and in high school was a gifted honors student...so of course 'college' was my goal and was regularly PUSHED on me in school. I took college tours, filled out app's, and was DYING to go to a historically black college. I even made plans to go to college and attend meetings whereever I was accepted...

Didn't happen!

My parents threatened that if I went to a 4yr school, I would NOT be able to come back home! College teaches people to 'question' their beliefs and that if I was required to take a religious class, it would be WRONG in Jehovah's eyes and possibly make me reason differently. Then I was forewarned about the dangers wordly association causes and how I could literally go away to school, get a good education, but trip and fall on a penis or something.........oh boy! Don't want THA Tto happen, do we? It would jeapordize my relationship with Jehovah and my family. UGH!! There were so many roadblocks to going away to school that I didn't - at first. But once I started working this menial job right out of high school, making min wage, my dad (a college grad) decided I NEEDED to go to school....and he paid for it! :

20

Propoganda from JW film excerpt: Painting the Fence with Brother Fisek

by OnTheWayOut in

i don't know if this one was posted, but i thought you might want to see what kind of garbage they tell the young ones.. stop missing meetings, stop setting college and career goals.

run for jehovah:.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz8t6rkp5mq&feature=player_embedded#.

babygirl30

C.T. Russell

I keep reading ur post and LAUGHING out loud here at work!!! Oh my God...that was hilarious.

28

JWs: Dress Like a Nerd. You'll arouse "curiosity" per Oct, 2009 KM

by Open mind in

on this week's service meeting there's a q&a for an article about informal witnessing (tm).

the second paragraph recommends dressing modestly at all times so you're ready to witness at a moment's notice.

it even says that your neat & clean appearance may arouse "curiosity".. .

babygirl30

Oh GOD!!!! I am constantly told I LOOK like those girls - I'm 31 and to this DAY someone always says 'WOW - u look like one of those twins from Sister-Sister' .....hahahahahaha.....still think it's funny.

35

As A JW Did You Care About Old JW History, Old Light & Flip Flops?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i used to look at the old stuff as info that the witnesses were progressively understanding.

i didn't hold it against the witnesses if they changed understandings because after all the 'light was getting brighter and brighter".. as time went on, it did start effecting me.

there were too many things i'd let slide by when i was younger that i just couldn't ignore any longer.

babygirl30

I was always curioius WHY things would change...if God is 'solid' and constant - and JWs represent him - then things would be SOLID and CONSTANT within that religion. That always threw me off. And maybe I'm retarded, but all the Watchtower articles with dates....UGH!!!!!!! I always tuned out during those because I felt like they were just spewing figures to confuse everyone.

28

JWs: Dress Like a Nerd. You'll arouse "curiosity" per Oct, 2009 KM

by Open mind in

on this week's service meeting there's a q&a for an article about informal witnessing (tm).

the second paragraph recommends dressing modestly at all times so you're ready to witness at a moment's notice.

it even says that your neat & clean appearance may arouse "curiosity".. .

babygirl30

That's all u get!!!!!

28

JWs: Dress Like a Nerd. You'll arouse "curiosity" per Oct, 2009 KM

by Open mind in

on this week's service meeting there's a q&a for an article about informal witnessing (tm).

the second paragraph recommends dressing modestly at all times so you're ready to witness at a moment's notice.

it even says that your neat & clean appearance may arouse "curiosity".. .

babygirl30

HAHAHAHA! my mom used to ALWAYS be in my ear about 'dressing modestly' so that I didn't draw unnecessary attention to myself. Well let's see here: I'm almost 6ft tall, thin, long hair, and 'busty'....yeah....NOT gonna get any attention there! :-(

31

So my elder/dad says he will shun me....i figured as much...

by oompa in

jw
friends

so i know many of you guys say the best way to show dubs is to be all happy and all when you exit.....but not all of us are doin that well at it....even though i have lost all friends from my dub life....i really dont want to lose my son and folks....this would happen if i end this odd and painful arrangement of a marriage to a really wonderful wife who is hardcore jw.

my desire for freedom and normal social life, and the 800 lb gorilla in the room we live with are not doing so well...........i am tired of having to leave the house and go in the garage to talk on the phone with my non-dub friends.....tired of totally separate social lives.......tired of rules in place that prevent us from speaking about certain taboo topics with each other........my mental/emotional state is not well and has not been for four years.

so i spoke with my dad very openly and honestly about how i have had to wear "masks" through life....one for school since third grade to fit in....another for my parents and jw friends........and that now i still lead a double life when not around my wife........told him outright i feel jws meet every single definition of a cult btw.......he already knew i felt that way but had never said it so directly........i asked him if he felt history repeats itself and could fds not be just like the scribes and pharisees that made so many rules for gods people that they had actually corrupted gods message............he said he has wondered that before too.

babygirl30

I'm sorry you are going through this...the loss of my family (although dysfunctional) is tragic - as both parents have made the decision to choose what they are TOLD to do over their own child. But can't blame them! I used to believe the same thing not too long ago...that all ex-JWs are bad and to be ignored. SOOO inhumane. It's gonna be rough, as you already know, but the fact that you are seeing it clearly should make the transition a lot smoother. You are reasoning and making decisions about your beliefs BEFORE coming out. I wasn't given that opportunity (DF'd) so the reality of losing everyone hit hard.

8

Mental Disorders and family dysfunction in JW org

by babygirl30 in

jw
friends

this is solely about my family...how messed up they are and will probably be till lord knows when.. 1. dad is a controlling, emotionally abusive, non affectionate, narcsissist.

everything needs to be about him in some way shape or form.

no compassion whatsoever for people who do not 'worship' the ground he walks on...and that includes his own children.

babygirl30

This is solely about MY family...how messed up they are and will probably be till Lord knows when.

1. Dad is a controlling, emotionally abusive, non affectionate, narcsissist. EVERYTHING needs to be about HIM in some way shape or form. No compassion whatsoever for people who do NOT 'worship' the ground he walks on...and that includes his own children. Unfortunately, i have always had an 'independent streak' in me (as my mom describes it) and so I have NOT always followed his direction - which stands to irritate him terribly. whenever he feels like all eyes are NOT on him...he will do or say something cruel in order to bring me down (when i'm with him) so that he feels SO much better then - I guess. Emotions? NOPE - cold as piece of ice. No 'i love you's' in my house...no hugs...nothing along the lines of a happy family.

2. Mom is mentally and emotionally unstable. She has been through at least 5 different therapists (and meds too) for the past 16yrs!! I have never EVER met a woman so terribly unhappy with herself, her life, and afraid of everything. She is so 'weird' that her only friend is this old JW sister in their cong who has alzheimers - my mom MADE it her duty to care for this woman (yes...mom is codependent) and will jump anytime for this lady. My mom has never really been able to relate to others well...and likes being to herself! Mix in that her lack of self love makes her unable to freely 'love' anyone else - she swears she sits at Jesus right hand and was put in the cong to judge all. Her favorite line is "I am a seasoned sister" when she feels she has the right to do/say what she wants to people no matter how cruel. Of course she is a zealot and feels that SHE is the judge and jury on what's 'right and wrong' in her house AND in the cong. If I had a dime for everytime someone complained about my mom's 'judgements' or how ridiculous she was...I would be a billionaire. People avoided her just because of it. And up until I moved out, my mother was STILL trying to tell me how to dress (no tight, fitted, or body hugging clothes, no skirts above the knee, no v-neck shirts, etc) and how a Christian should talk....yet she had no problem telling her own daughter that she is 'cheap' and that she dresses like a 'slut' and that I am sooooo deep in the world that she can't take it!

3. My younger sister....well....she is the clearest example of what 2 mentally and emotionally human beings can produce! She is BPD (borderline personality disorder) and is crazier then a bag of squirrels!!!! To say that I have ever EVER had a close relationship with this girl would be a lie - we're not even friends. No real 'sisterly' dynamic going on - we share the same last name, blood, and parents - but we are NOT sisters in any way. If anyone knows about BPD, these people are hot/cold all in the fear of 'abandonment'. When they feel abandoned or want attention - they will take desperate measures to get it - my sisters 'measure' of choice are RAGES. She will flip out and rage, cuss, spit, throw, get in your face, and start smear campaigns. Since I'm DF'd, this is now HER chance to be the 'chosen 1' in the family - and she is taking full advantage. Although she has been inactive for years, has numerous legal issues going on right now (she is being SUED for stealing and fraud), and lost her last job due to an affair with her boss - SHE is using my DFing as leverage. She forbids me from seeing my niece, very meanly wrote me a note telling me that she and my niece are NO longer my family as I am dead to them both (my niece is 3)...this same girl that has SO many skeletons in her closet, SO many illegal actions under her belt that nobody knows about, SO much instability in her life - and she is judging ME. She is the biggest NARC on everyone else she's ever known (except her own SELF)...and get pure joy out of 'telling' other JWs what SHE feels is right/wrong in someone elses life. OF course it gets back to the elders and then causes tons of drama! Can't begin to tell you how many times I've seen my own sis driving around my home at night...slowly...attempting to FIND someone come out or recognize a car JUSt so she can run back to 'tattle'. She and my mom are soooo much alike, and my sis clings to mom (they sit around and judge everyone AND each other) yet can't seem to part ways and move on from the negativity. WHAT kind of draw is that to anyone?

Add those 3 up....and would ANYONE stay in a family like that let alone want to go back to a religion that condones THAT type of family behavior?UGH! How unhealthy is life supposed to be? I do not want to go back to being a JW. Although I'm disgusted by how my family chooses to follow men's directive to 'ignore' me - life has been so much more peaceful without the constant judgement, criticism, evilness, fear of yet another rage, etc.