Posts by babygirl30

15

What is my legacy?

by babygirl30 in

jw
friends

as i was cleaning my house last night, i was boxing up all my jw literature i still had out in the open...and i was surprised how there was so much!!

i still had the videos in plain view, my bookshelf in my computer room was full over old kms/watchtower & awakes/bibles, and found my old mtg and service bags still full of literature too!.

so i throw the majority of it out, box up the rest, and then when i'm done and relaxing, i start thinking about what my legacy will be.

The thing is...I have plenty of non-JW friends! I always have...hahahahaha. Even when the society said "avoid bad association" I STILL was hanging out with and making friends outside the org. For some reason, that was 1 area that I towed the line because I seemed to find genuine people out there in the 'world' and was not about to be a snob and NOT deal with them. So of course when I was DF'd, it wasn't AS hard for me to have people to associate with - which I'm grateful for. If you ask THOSE friends (my real ones) what kind of person I am - they will tell you good things about me. But if you were to ask a JW (now since I've been DF'd) what kind of person I was - I guarantee it would involve the typical "Oh - she is DF'd".

UGH!!!!!!!!!

My bf and all my non-JW friends really have shown me unconditional love and support. This board does too! Im able to vent and really talk about how I feel and what I go through - and others can relate. It's just crazy to think that I am defined (by JWs) as 'less then' and that they are convinced that God feels the SAME WAY about me! -hahahahaha. Doesn't make a bit of sense to me.

15

What is my legacy?

by babygirl30 in

jw
friends

as i was cleaning my house last night, i was boxing up all my jw literature i still had out in the open...and i was surprised how there was so much!!

i still had the videos in plain view, my bookshelf in my computer room was full over old kms/watchtower & awakes/bibles, and found my old mtg and service bags still full of literature too!.

so i throw the majority of it out, box up the rest, and then when i'm done and relaxing, i start thinking about what my legacy will be.

babygirl30

As i was cleaning my house last night, I was boxing up all my JW literature I still had out in the open...and I was surprised how there was so much!! I still had the videos in plain view, my bookshelf in my computer room was FULL over old KMs/Watchtower & Awakes/Bibles, and found my old mtg and service bags still full of literature too!

So I throw the majority of it out, box up the rest, and then when I'm done and relaxing, I start thinking about what my legacy will be. Im 31, before being DF'd I was what I thought was the 'model' JW...I pioneered, I was on 2 RBC groups, I was well known in my circuit (born and bred there), and had tons of friends from all states visiting me on a regular basis. Was always invited to gatherings all over the place, always had dinner parties at my own home, and was forever traveling somewhere to another area and making tons of friends there!!

I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to as a JW...highly recommended and respected. And now, after making a mistake, I will forever be remembered as 'disfellowshipped'. THAT is my legacy!!! Despite everything I did in the org, and no matter how many people supposedly loved and cared about me, no matter how good my heart is and the hardship I went through - I will always be known as "the sister that was disfellowshipped". That makes me angry to think that people will judge me based on what they ASSUME I did (not that they actually know what happened to me and with me) and feel they have the right to look down on me because of it all. I didn't kill anyone, I didn't commit grand theft, I didn't defraud anyone, I don't smoke, never did a drug in my life, and don't overdrink to the point of being intoxicated. Yes I still broke a 'rule' and committed fornication - but that is WHAT I did - it's not WHO I am nor should I be held up to that for the rest of my life all because 3 men felt that I wasn't repentant DESPITE me going forward to them on my own initiative and confessing everything. So those 3 men had the power the make or break my life as I knew it and they chose to break it...so now I am left with this 'scarlet letter' to signify that I WAS good (in JW eyes) at 1 point but now am not.

Just venting. Thanks for reading.

10

meetings in insane situations

by highdose in

jw
friends

my cong was very keen on having the meeting no matter what.

i remember one occasion when we had a power cut in the middle of winter.

due to the fact that there was no windows to the hall (!

babygirl30

I always felt it was 'crazy' to see JW's out in the ministry in the freezing cold, snow, or pouring rain. I mean COME ON...people think JW's are nuts anyways, and that type of behavior only perpetuates thos thoughts.

12

My Worldly" Aunt...

by jamiebowers in

jw
friends

called to let me know that she had it out with a jw relative about her nasty attitude.

my dear auntie was so worked up that she said to the jw, "not one jw i've ever known is happy!".

it's not as funny in written form as it was to hear her exclaiming this over the phone.

babygirl30

I remember when I was a rank and file and even for 3 years after being disfellowshipped, I thought the shunning was out of love. I just felt like I was bad and was confused as to why I couldn't fix myself and feel close to God. I didnt feel comfortable even talking with other Df'd people. I now see as it as sort of a blessing in disguise. I don't know how many more years I would have devoted to the Watchtower if I wouldn't have made the "mistakes" I did to be kicked out. Also, the way in which the JC handled it seemed okay and "loving" at the time, but as I began to see more clearly I saw how messed up it all was. This helped when I started sorting things out in my head. Not saying it's a good thing.. just trying to remember what it was to think like a rank and file member about Dfing.

That is exactly how I USED to feel...like getting kicked OUT of the 1 place I counted on HELPING me - was an act of 'love' on Jehovah's part! BOO HISS!!!! I'm sorry, but being out NOW and reasoning on that statement, it really shows no compassion or real love on Jehovah's part. My situation was really messed up (involved abuse) - so - that meant that Jehovah loved ME so much that he disposed of ME, yet allowed my abuser to continue in his org as if nothing happened - accepted by all? Or that Jehovah is the kindof God that would deem my LIFE worthless enough to toss me out of his cong despite there being threats on my life and my safety? WOW! Even sadder is that we didnt see all of this till we were out...and felt it was ok to finally think for ourselves. Makes me sad that I treated other DF'd JWs this way when I was still in the org - ignoring them, judging them, looking at them as if it was what they deserved because it was supposedly Jehovah's way of showing 'love' to that person. UGH!

12

My Worldly" Aunt...

by jamiebowers in

jw
friends

called to let me know that she had it out with a jw relative about her nasty attitude.

my dear auntie was so worked up that she said to the jw, "not one jw i've ever known is happy!".

it's not as funny in written form as it was to hear her exclaiming this over the phone.

babygirl30

This same scenario JUST happened to me a few weeks ago:

My wordly aunt and I were emailing back and forth when she asked how my mom's surgery went (my dad is her brother) and I told her that I had NO IDEA my mom even had surgery!! Then I proceeded to explain (in a non-biased manner) the whole DF situation and how my folks have made the decision to shun me...she was disgusted, to say the least. It led to an open discussion about JW's and how I was treated by them, and her exact words were "No God that WE (all my aunts/uncles AND my dad) were raised to love would EVER require a parent to choose a religion over their own child!"

Apparently after that she spoke to my dad (on her own initiative) - at which her response to me AFTER the conversation was "I had no idea my brother was THIS stubborn. I would expect this from your mom but NOT my brother _ I am so sorry." The 'worldly' family never liked my mom...always thought was cooky (cause of her overly zealous JW actions) and they feel that SHE is the one pressuring my dad to shun me. She reassured me that they all (aunts/uncles) still love me and are there for me. Either way, all my aunts/uncles never cared for JWs and this situation - me being shunned and DF'd - leaves an even worse 'witness' with them. But according to my parents, TELLING my aunt about my situation brings reproach on Jehovah's name?!

I FEEL for you...cause I'm in the same situation. But isn't it amazing how clear-thinking, rational non JW human beings (family or not) can see how cruel and biased DF'ing is?

21

WHO polices the Circuit Overseers?

by babygirl30 in

jw
friends

is required to 'monitor' the elders...but who monitors the c.o.?

i ask that because thinking back to all the c.o.

's i've had seen, each had his own personality and style.

babygirl30

I know that the C.O. is required to 'monitor' the elders...but WHO monitors the C.O.? I ask that because thinking back to all the C.O.'s I've had seen, each had his own personality and style. I remember one (when i was little) - HIS wife was a nut...she hated all things Disney and made it clear to all the sis's in the cong that Disney movies were inappropriate and demonized for JW children - mind you years later her husband got deleted as a C.O. for inappropriate behavior with a single sister! (isn't THAT demonized too???) Another I remember both he and his wife were very 'siddity' and gravitated towards the couples in our cong that had money...and they would go on trips together, sit together, have this C.O. over for dinner all the time - I mean they became close friends. BUT it always felt like the rest of the us were out of his range...and his wife was THE snottiest chick I've ever met. UGH!!! Another I recall was old as dirt...this dude had 1 foot in the grave and his wife was 1/2 his age!!!! She was VERY standoffish and HE was in a world of his own. I swear this man had his OWN teachings and was soooooooo boring. Lastly, there is the C.O. that is in the cong now...I really thought he was genuine and had a compassionate side to him. BUT being DF'd and him getting involved in my case, well, I now see that this guy is as pompous as they come. Came to bless me with a visit (I guess...) and pretty much made me feel like crap. Warned me against talking to the elders AND to my parents because of my DF status, and pretty much reminded me WHY I did not want to go back to the org. I was confused by a LOT of what he said in the visit so I asked him to come back...and he did...but he made it CLEAR that he was 'unwilling' to do this and from then on the conversation went DOWNHILL. I will never forget 1 word that man said to me because he made me, a domestic violence victim at the hands of a fellow JW, feel like a VICTIM all over again.

Anyone else had to deal with some off the wall C.O.s?

7

Email & Texting.....The JW way of personal communication

by Girlie in

i came across an email this morning from an old jw acquaintance, stating that she hasn't heard from me in a while (about 4 or 5 months) and was wondering how i am doing.

she goes into this spiel about how she is mentally exhausted from family, ministry, etc.

she then ask me to contact her at home after 3 p.m., leaving her phone number.

babygirl30

I used to do that myself...when there was someone I didn't SEE a lot, i would email/text them to 'check up' on them and let them know I was thinking about them. Wasn't because I was OVERLY concerned or that it really mattered - it was an EGO thing! It was done to stroke my haughty ego...so that I could say "Oh yeah, I just emailed sis (xyz) to see how she is and she hasn't replied - must be up to no good!" hahahaha. NOW it sound ridiculous but back then it made all the sense in the world to me.

17

real fake friends

by diamondiiz in

i wondered how did your "best" jw friends react to when you told them you're leaving wts?.

after i found out all i needed to know i called up my old friend who i thought was a good friend but i knew he was a die hard dub and i told him to write down a book and read it.

i was refering to russell's thy kingdom come.

babygirl30

Only about 3 of my JW 'friends' (out of TONS) still talk to me now...and at first it really hurt and bothered me. I am VERY outgoing and social, had JW friends in just about every state, my phone was ALWAYS ringing, and I ALWAYS had people at my house!! What's so sad (and still bothers me) is that 1 announcement - 1 freakin judgemental announcement decided on by 3 men/2 of whom I have had personal issues with anyways - changed my entire LIFE...so much so that almost all those people who were endlessly at my house NOW have nothing to say to me! Getting DF'd taught me about 'conditional love' - and that is what JWs are taught. If ur not serving Jehovah with them - you are against them. And that making 'mistakes' can warrant losing your entire social circle in 1 night!!!! Those 'friends' I used to have...well...they cried when I told them I was getting DF'd (although ALL of them questioned WHY I was getting DF'd due to my situation) but it hasn't changed how they ignore me or stopped keeping in touch. But who really WANTS friends like that...it's fairweather.

22

What nearly one year of dating has taught me

by Newborn in

jw
friends

for those of you who doesn't care about my dating life can stop reading here...some of you knows a little bit since before and might want to have an update.

i've learned that there are a lot of players out there and that i may be one of those girls who easily fall for these types, unfortunately - not anymore though!i've learned that when a guy says, talk to you later, don't reply to your sms/text within 1-2 days, never calls you, doesn't suggest going to the movies or watching a football game together, only calls you drunk saturday nights, etc etc isn't interested in you, at all (except for perhaps one thing, and one thing only).i've learned that guys can be very cowardly when it comes to be honest abt their feelings and intentions (not all though) - mr. doe is perfect as we all knowi've learned that i'd rather stay single than being with the wrong personi've got to know myself better and know what i don't want!

!however, all in all, this year as a happy single and non jw has been a great experience for me.

babygirl30

I LOVE this topic...cause I posted about this on another site! I learned SO MUCH in really being able to freely DATE and be myself. Here is my org posting:

Granted, I held onto my 'purity' for a LONG time...but that was because I lived with my parents and my father (being the control freak he was) THREATENED that if I ever did!!!! knowing that I do not have to marry this man if I don't want to or am not ready but can continue to date him vs feeling like I have to marry the brother I was dating strictly because (x) amount of time was invested into the relationship and THAT is why we date - right? TO get married...and to break up would involve an explaination and possibly an accusation of misleading someones feelings.

Granted, bad guys are in and out of the truth, but I find that I am able to discern that and see it much quicker in the world then I could when I was in the org. The bros I dated - no matter what their profession - were not the kind of guys I really would've been happy with. Not because of them being JWs, but because of not feeling like I had a true connection with them...a deep one. Time alone was nil and so I didn't know if they would be good guys in the long run...if they were sexual deviants or boring as hell in the bedroom...what they really thought about a wifes role. Typically in JW dating, both are just so happy to have found a 'mate' that meets 85% of their requirements - with the #1 being that they're baptized - that the rest just comes AFTER they are married. Am I wrong? With my guy now, I've spent enough time around him to see who he is. Don't get me wrong - I don't know everything about him...but enough to make a decision that he is a good man, fun, makes me laugh, generous, and genuine. I bet if you asked him about me, he could tell you verbatim what kind of person I am too. But to ask the JWs' I dated....gauranteed their descriptions would be way off base - solely because we never really knew each other. Lord knows that it took my ex fiance about 6 mos to really start acting the FOOL and that is when I learned of his abusive behaviors. After 2yrs is when I found out the full spectrum of his abuse and lack of love for anyone but himself. IT's sad that some marriages are based off of that - this secluded version of 'dating' that we as JWs were taught. Couple meets, dates, and within 6 mos is planning a wedding. HOW???? What the freak do you really know about someone (if not previously friends over some time first) after only a few mos? My God, a job hires on a 90 day probation period....dating should be the same way.

31

For my sis, Kelly...12 years ago today.

by Tatiana in

jw
friends

my sis, kelly, killed herself 12 years ago today.

feels like yesterday.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&grid=5369813.

babygirl30

That was a beautiful 'rememberance' of her!