I am currently in LOVE with a man from Arkansas (GOOOO Razorbacks!!)
babygirl30
JoinedPosts by babygirl30
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Have you ever met
by John Doe inor known anyone from arkansas?
if so, to what did you attribute your good fortune?
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According to bookstudy, it's ok to beat wife.....occassionally
by JWinprotest ini apologize if this has been mentioned, but i don't have the time to come on here as often.
yesterday's bookstudy on divorce got my shorts in a bit of a knot.
apparently, according to the god's love book, a wife could consider legal separation from her husband if she is physically abused, but (get this) only in the case of extreme physical abuse, and if the wife's life is in danger.
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babygirl30
Domestic Violence is my 'cause'!!! It happened to me at the hands of a so-called JW, and since then, I refuse to sit back and EVER watch another woman go through abuse of any kind. If I hear about it or know about it - I'm stepping IN and speaking UP!!!!!!!
My ex fiance was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive and he like 'choking' the hell out of me. Used to make me so sick to my stomach cause on a Sat night he would yoke me up and choke me (till I blacked out) and then go to the mtg with me the next day all SMILES and professing his undying love for me...and I would stand there numb, hoping that NOBODY saw the bruises through my turtleneck or long sleeves. At the Khall he gave the appearance of really being spiritual and working towards getting himself together - all the while, that stinkin negro was kickin my tail. YES - I called him a stinkin negro (I'm a sista too...so I can).
His dad was an elder and his mom a reg pioneer and they BOTH knew what was going on. Did they get me help? Did they turn HIM in? No and NO! Instead, they sent me emails of Awake 'articles' on being submissive, not provoking him, and what the Bible EXPECTS of a 'capable wife'. What part of capable meant ALLOWING this man to put his hands on me and call me names? Steal from me? Tell me I was 'nothing'? Uh-uh. When I did go forward and did confess MY part, a major influence on my actions WAS his abuse. But it didn't matter. To the elders, when I was describing the abuse their exact words were "this is not ABOUT your accusations - this is about fornication". Broke my heart. I'm about to marry this crazy man, and all they could say was that? THAT day I lost a lot of respect for those 'men' becuase it dawned on me that they really didn't CARE about me as a person...it was moreso about how their cong looked.
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My JW Best Friend
by OnTheWayOut ini have always said to those that had questions about fading that they should expect to lose their friends.
it seems that in the vast majority of cases, only family (and sometimes not even them) are willing to overlook jw-weakness and maintain relationships.
if you do keep a friend of a jw, then they are potentially deep into jw-weakness.
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babygirl30
Im sorry about the loss of your best friend. Sadly, it's another example of a 'conditional' friendship that you thought would stand the test of time - but ended up being short lived. What was said by another poster is true: now you know where you stand!
Unfortunately I had a friend like this. She is the 'in/out' type...she would be strong for a few years, get hooked up with a worldly guy, then become inactive and leave the org for awhile relocating to another state. Then dude would dump her and she would suddenly 'love Jehovah' all over again - and confess to the elders. She has gone through this cycle 3 times in all the years I've known her, and each time I have ALWAYS stood by her!! Repeatedly told her that no matter what - i would be there for her and be her friend. And i kept my word too...all 3 times. Now when I was DF'd, she told me the same thing - that should'd be there for me and always be my friend - and I stupidly believed her. Fast forward to about 4 mos ago - this latest guy dumps her and she 'loves Jehovah' once again. She goes to the elders and was getting DF'd - she then proceeds to tell ME that she can no longer speak to ME as she wants to 'do things right this time' and that involves NOT associating with ME. I went OFF on her...and I probably shouldn't have, but I felt betrayed and she needed to hear that how she was treating me was wrong. It freakin hurts to invest time and emotions into a person and when you need them most, they turn their back on you - NOT because you had a falling out, NOT because you did them wrong - but ONLY because you are not the same religion anymore.
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A Visitor At Work
by Cthulhu inso i have not turned in any service time in four months or so.
this elder, who also happens to be the congregation secretary stops in at my job today.
i work for a cellular phone retailer in my home town, so he came in and conversed for a bit about his plan and different options we might be able to work with.
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babygirl30
I KNOW someone that the elders did this to...same thing! She worked at a coffee shop, and they would stop by this shop (OUT of the cong's territory) and would BLATANTLY ask to speak to her - while she was working!!! They were trying to find out why she hadn't been to meetings or anything, and it got to the point where she ran OUT the one time crying because she was embarassed and tired of getting cornered!!!
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WHY am I the last to know?
by babygirl30 inabout 2 mos ago...my parents decided that because i refused to continue my 'reinstatement' process and quit going to meetings - that they were now going to shun me after having regular contact for 10 mos!
i was upset, but accepted it.
although their method was harsh!
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babygirl30
I guess it still bothers me because I SEE (and now my bf does too) how 'conditional' my family is...
After I was assualted by my ex, he had threatened to kill me...when i confessed all sins to the elders (DUMB mistake on my part!!) I also divulged the tidbit about my LIFE BEING IN JEAPORDY. You would think that would assist in them not being so 'harsh' but apparently they still decided to DF me. So my parents were told that they could associate with me and be there for support??? At that time I was going to all my mtgs and working my way back to reinstatement - so my parents would talk to me. Of coures my mom (the die-hard JW) would go back and forth: she's be all in my business for 1 mos and then turn around and TELL me that she could no longer associate with me as it was bothering her conscience - and then she would cut me off. Off and on...week after week. My dad never waivered though, he did speak to me.
Once I stopped going to mtgs and made it clear that coming back was NOT gonna happen - well they didn't take too kindly to that. But they still spoke to me. It wasn't until a visiting C.O. stayed with them that I guess they had an epiphany and decided to just cut me off all together!!! So that is where I stand now...and it's going on 2 mos. So when I was at my lowest point - the elders TOSSED me and expected my family to pick up the slack. Then when i get stronger and start making my own decisions and reasoning - my family tosses me. Just can't WIN in any scenario here!!!
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WHY am I the last to know?
by babygirl30 inabout 2 mos ago...my parents decided that because i refused to continue my 'reinstatement' process and quit going to meetings - that they were now going to shun me after having regular contact for 10 mos!
i was upset, but accepted it.
although their method was harsh!
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babygirl30
the bright side is you boyfriend would never be sweet talked round into wanting to join, he'll probably tell his friends how youre treated if they ever mention jws. it all helps to vaccinate people from wanting to join, even if it does suck.
My parents KNOW about my bf and have been on my case about NOT telling him what was all going on with me (being DF'd and why) because they were afraid it would bring reproach on Jehovah's name and that I would be 'bloodguilty' IF I didn't witness to him...
What they failed to realize was that he WANTED to learn more about JWs back in the day. He was going through a 'rough' time and was all into 'finding God' ... and he knew I was really religious. But NOW...oh HELL no. His mom knows what's happened to me, our friends know what's happened, and he TELLS people about it too (sad part is BECAUSE of it, he's never met my parents)!!! He loves telling people THAT too...about how they won't meet him because he is not a JW and I am 'dead' to them. -hahahahahaha. So it's no secret between us about it all. Ironic how many others are affected BY the JW policy of shunning - because inevitably no matter whom we mention JWs and how I'm shunned to...someone knows an ex-JW or is related to an ex-JW that was treated thes ame way, and they talk about it with disgust and disbelief.
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What does a congregations 'record' say about it?
by babygirl30 inthe cong i belonged to was very large...it was the 'popular' hall!
i say that because it was a new building (double-khall), a lot of families went to this hall whether they were in the territory or not - if their relation went there or their 'friends' were in this cong - they came too!
lots of young couples...they drank together, they partied together, they go out clubbing together, and they all had their kids together.
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babygirl30
The cong I belonged to was very large...it was the 'popular' hall! I say that because it was a new building (double-khall), a lot of FAMILIES went to this hall whether they were in the territory or not - if their relation went there or their 'friends' were in this cong - THEY came too! Lots of young couples...they drank together, they partied together, they go out clubbing together, and they all had their kids together. UGH!!!!
Anyways, around the time that I was going through my issues with my abusive ex JW fiance...a LOT of things were going on in that cong. UNHAPPY couples (you could see it on their faces), elders wives NOT coming to mtgs at all (not due to illness either...), a pioneer had a nervous breakdown RIGHT IN THE KHALL during the mtg - and was sitting in the front row too!, several others reg pioneers came off the list, I got DF'd, another older sister whose been in the org for 25yrs walked away and refuses to go back because of how she was treated terribly by the elders in dealing with her divorce from her adulterous abusive 'elder' exhusband, 2 other young sisters were DF'd - 1 before and the other after me, and lastly a 'newly' baptized sister also just walked away...literally 6 mos AFTER she was baptized AND on the platform giving her experience at a C.A!!! From what I hear, she got sick of how hypocritcal the young people were in the org...and she felt she could do BETTER in the world.
That's a LOT of people all in the SAME cong...and a ton of drama. So when there are that many issues in 1 cong, who does that reflect badly on: (1) the people who are having the issues, (2) the elders who should be HELPING these ones, or (3) that cong as a whole?
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Are YOU Shunned By Jehovah's Witnesses At All?
by minimus insome witnesses speak to me quite normally/.
others avoid me like the plague.. how are you treated by the witnesses?.
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babygirl30
someone I was good friends before being a jw who also played a part in making me a jw (shes a jw) will not have anything to do with me anymore. She wrote an email basically saying I worship satan because I do not attend meetings. I am not disfellowshipped and she doesn't know the real reason why I do not attend anymore
See....that is my point!!! Instead of demeaning someone and judging them (accusing you of worshiping Satan? REALLY??? That's all she could come up with???) WHY could she not just try to see WHY you stopped going, WHAT changed your mind, etc. She proved the whole 'conditional' love issue right there. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
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Are YOU Shunned By Jehovah's Witnesses At All?
by minimus insome witnesses speak to me quite normally/.
others avoid me like the plague.. how are you treated by the witnesses?.
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babygirl30
Can you imagine Christ seeing any one of us and refusing to look at us? Can you imagine Christ treating us as if we didn't exist, and were dead?
Ya know...I never really thought about THAT!! The perfect being that he is...I cannot even imagine him just 'pretending' not to notice someone at all. I mean he APPROACHED harlots, murderers, criminals - not turn away from them. WOW! Really good point there.
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WHY am I the last to know?
by babygirl30 inabout 2 mos ago...my parents decided that because i refused to continue my 'reinstatement' process and quit going to meetings - that they were now going to shun me after having regular contact for 10 mos!
i was upset, but accepted it.
although their method was harsh!
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babygirl30
Journey-On
You're right...I have had to calm him down NUMEROUS times this past year over running up on my father and telling him off!!! This last episode was the icing on the cake. But once he calms down and we talk through things, he ends up changing his mind and just letting it GO...for my sake. I love my parents (don't like them though) and my father and I were CLOSE before my being DF'd happened. Even afterwards he still talked to me and was helping me out. All until I stopped coming to mtgs, and the elders would question THEM about my whereabouts and how they hoped to see me soon. At one point a visiting C.O. stayed with my folks - and that was what I think turned things around for the worst...cause right after that is when they made the choice to shun me.
Guess I'm upset because I should have EXPECTED this from my mom ... but not my dad. HE is the independent thinker in our house, HE is the one that likes control and doesn't do well being told what to do or how to act, HE is the one the has non-JW friends he spends weekends golfing with and spending a lot of time with his non-JW family. So it kinda throws me OFF that he is acting this way now.