i am such a placid person.
i will always turn the other cheek.
i will always be the one to yeild.
I am sooo sorry you are going through this! It's ironic that a religion that screams 'peace and love' - gives their members this bloated RIGHT to raise HELL when deciphering how everyone ELSE should show that peace and love!!! Very sad indeed. <<HUGS>>
Rest assured that although things are rough NOW because of the kids mom (your ex)...in the future they WILL understand all that is going on and will see things for how they are.
but she is now 45 , and has spent all her life sticking to the societys policy of only marrying in the "the truth" i saw her looking at my new baby with such longing and she said her baby would look just like her she was sure !
she has seen all her friends and younger sisters marry and have babys , i dont think she could cope if she knew the sacrifices she has made for the cult were all in vain , i also knew a lady of 86 who was very sweet and "mumsy" i asked why she had no children , she said she was waiting for the "new system" she died at 87 !.
There is a sister my mother 'cares for' and she is now 92yrs old, in stage 4 ahlzheimers, and lives in a nursing home - but she's NEVER been married. Story goes that both her parents were annointed and she cared for them till they passed, then she traveled the world on their money...so she remained a 'childless virgin'!! Not sure if I believe it, but I DO know she never got married and I think that's sad. She is now dying ALONE (short of my mom's attending to her) and I don't consider THAT a happy existence.
Too many sisters I know NOW have worldly men on the low and end up marrying them anyhow...or else they do the whole double-life thing and date the worldly guy whole still upkeeping their JW persona inside the cong. It's SAD!
for "the happiest people on earth" i found so many folk in the cong had depression or suffered with "nerves and axiety" there was one lad who was due to go and "work" in bethel and changed his mind at the last minute and spent nearly all his time on his computer in his bedroom from then on (he must of been on this site !he apparently "went schitsophrenic(dont know how to spell it sorry ) as did his sister and his poor mum was probably the most dedicated dub in the cong but was considered as a bit "bonkers" by all in the cong .
there were 3 elders i know of who had depression and many rank and file , i must admit it did make me question how "happy "being a dub would make me when i was a study and voiced my concerns i was told satan was trying to get them out the truth so they were depressesed or some rubbish like that , but i was also told that people who leave the truth are depressed because they dont have the truth !
you cant have it both ways !
Anything 'positive' (looking) is going to attract those who have major emotional/mental issues - it gives them HOPE and peace of mind! Think about it...all the immigrants that come to the U.S. come for the same reasons: better life, hope, more money, all GOOD things! (give me your tired, hungry, etc). Same thing with the org/cong...they are like MAGNETS to those with issues because it's a haven for them. People will be nice, they are told they won't be judged, they are offered a hope for free (along with clothing, life skills, food, whatever it takes to get them to get baptized), and they are sold the idea of everyone being sooooo happy!!!! My old cong was like the State Hospital - i swear. There were so many people with alcohol, drug, and mental issues that it was downright scarey at times to be cornered by one of those 'friends' and have them try to converse with you...UGH.
hey everyone!
sorry it took me awhile to follow-up, but the pain was more then i bargained for!!!
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188970/1/urgent-advice-needed.
Hey everyone! Sorry it took me awhile to follow-up, but the PAIN was more then I bargained for!!! In case some don't recall what was going on and what my original issue was, here is the thread I started last week pre-surgery:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188970/1/URGENT-Advice-Needed
Well, I am officially post-op, and a LOT went down last week...still am unable to make sense of it all. FIrst off, THANK YOU again to everyone for the well wishes. I am at home and recouperating slowly but progressively - so I have nothing to complain about.
BUT hold onto your seats y'all, cause this story got GOOD there for a minute!!!! -hahahaha. My folks showed up at the hospital right before surgery, but I refused to see them...I just wanted to spend those few hours of prep with my bf and a close friend of mine. I DID fill out and sign a DOA (Health Care Agent) form where I laid out my wishes and my agents...parents being the LAST of 3 different 'agents' for me. Anyhow, let me also mention that this hospital visit was my parents 1st time MEETING my bf and also seeing my good friend (who is currently still a JW but inactive). Anyhow 3.5hrs later and I'm in my hospital room, wake up, and there are a bunch of my friends AND my parents. I was caught off guard because I didn't expect to see that many people there, but I was grateful that they all showed up to support me. These same friends came back everyday and brought gifts (2 of which are active JWs) and I thought that was just the biggest slap in my parents face...to see that despite me NOT being a JW, I still have a 'life' and am not some lonely pathetic girl they assumed I would be after leaving the org. My bf was at my side all 3 days I was in the hospital...bringing me whatever I asked for, and sitting there for hours - even while I slept! This main is a SAINT!!!!!!! Either way, let me break down both parents during this time period:
Dad: he and mom would take 'shifts' of sitting with me. He would sit for a few hours, then she would come in and sit for hours. BUT dad did NOT have any 'conversation' with me at all!!! Yes - I'm saying we would sit in silence. He would crack a few jokes to whomever came to visit me, but to ME...not much to say. Although I do give him credit, he would help me in and out of bed, he would take me for walks in the hallway, and he brought me flowers...so in the sense I can 'thank' him. But the 3rd day, my dad finally speaks up and tells me he wants to talk to me (mind you, he has met my bf and had conversations with him IN the room with me). He tells me that I am more then welcomed to move home while I recover for as long as I need, but my 'entourage' (all my friends) are NOT permitted to visit me...although he will consider the female friends to come over once in awhile, but my bf (whom he named specifically) is NOT allowed in his home at all because we are 'dating' and he cannot have that. All I did was thank him for the offer, but had every intention of going home with my bf (who had already set up a nice 'medical room' for me at his house because he watned me to come back with HIM to take care of me). Needless to say, dad was NOT happy about it, but didn't say anything negative at all. During my stay, his bros/sis (my aunts/uncles) would call to see how I was doing - my father would intercede these calls and tell them NOT to come visit, that I was 'alright' and that he would have me call them back when I was better....there is a REASON he did that, which I will get into later.
Mom: she REALLY surprised me! She talked to me more and played 'catch-up' over the last 6 mos (we haven't talked since Sept). She asked about my love life, how I've been, what I've been doing, and she asked 1001 questions about me and my bf...not evasive questions either - genuine 'interest' questions (how did you meet, where was your first date, is he a good kisser,e tc) - all normal mother/daughter stuff! Now add tihs up over the 3 days where mom is asking me questions and conversing about my relationship AND she is also asking bf questions and getting to know him, and by the last day it was just she and I in the room and I was feeling a little better and more talkative. So mom proceeds to say this out of the blue: "I can tell that (bf) loves you - you can see on his face! You make him laugh and he makes you laugh...and it's SO obvious that he cares about you. I mean, he rearranged his livingroom for you to be able to come in and be cared for!! If you guys love each other, and have good conversation, and he makes you happy - then I'm happy FOR you. You DO know you're father will not give you away if you marry him though, right? So if that doesn't matter to you, then go elope! Save your money, don't have a big wedding...run off to the beach and get married with those closest around you. Ok? Don't break this man's heart - he is REALLY a good guy." She blew my mind and made me CRY. We both were crying actually because I would've never expected to hear that from HER...the die-hard JW. But anyways, then convo then turned to her last words: "I love you and I raelly like (bf) and would like to get to know him better and have you in our lives - so WHY can't you just come back (to the org)? Is it personal reasons or doctrinal...cause your father and I cannot help you with it - but we can GET you help? Whatever it takes...pleaes think about it." That is where she broke my heart because she started BEGGING me to reconsider my stance against coming back!!!!!
Now back to dad...the reason HE didn't want any familky coming to visit is because apparently they all are 'aware' of him NOT talking to me and have been berating him about his decision to shun his own daughter! He is a very proud, stubborn, and controlling 'southern black man' so NOBODY is gonna tell him what to do or how to think...but his own bros/sis coming at his neck seems to be TOO much for him! Each one told me how they tried to reason with him and how he is staunch in his beliefs right now. BUT they also made me area of the fact that my father NEVER told them why he is shunning me...(they know from me of course) but that when they ask him, he either deflects the question or tells them to 'ask her' or he will say 'when she gets herself together' type or response. UGH!! I love him dearly as my father but do NOT like him...I swear. Mom calls everyday to see how I'm feeling or if I need anything, but I know that too will come to an end soon enough. So that is my story. Now comes the next 4-6 weeks recovery at home resting up and taking it easy...which I'm cool with. But I thought this 'story' of the JW parents caring for their ex-JW daughter kinda turned out pretty funny, huh?
hey everyone!.
i will be going into the hospital for surgery on tues...my first one ever!
the surgeon has gone over the procedure and informed me that it's 'bloody' and so she gave me all my options.
Thank you all for your support!!!! FYI - I'm grown (32) - so my parents opinion doesn't matter, but I still have residuals of JW teachings sometimes. Today is just REALLY stressful...just got off the phone with pre-admissions and officially registered. I have been 'fasting' since 8am, had nothing more then a bagel and some juice - and at 12 I am to clear a bottle of magnesium citrate? And at 4pm I will get the phone call with my surgery time UGH!!!!! So the process begins.
I am currently filling out a POA form NOW...so that all my wishes can be honored when I'm in the hospital. I appreciate ALL the advice everyone...will be back afterwards to give updates!
hey everyone!.
i will be going into the hospital for surgery on tues...my first one ever!
the surgeon has gone over the procedure and informed me that it's 'bloody' and so she gave me all my options.
Hey everyone!
I will be going into the hospital for surgery on Tues...my first one EVER! The surgeon has gone over the procedure and informed me that it's 'bloody' and so she gave me all my options. Of course I left the office with the mindset that whatever I need done surgery (blood transfusion) that I would accept it - reasoning in MY mind that I am no longer a JW, THEY decided to DF me and kick me out, so I am no longer bound by THEIR rules.
So after 6 mos of no contact at all, I stopped by my parents house on my way home from the dr's to inform them about my upcoming surgery. To be honest, I'm ot really sure WHY I felt the need to tell them - guess it's just my 'daughterly duty' to make them aware of what was going to happen so as least they knew (courtesy)...but it opened a door I'm not sure I WANTED opened. YES I miss being able to openly talk to my family and see them whenever, and I have worked very hard at accepting their decision to shun me. What's bothering me NOW is the fact that they are 'involved'. See, when I stopped by my mom was praciting a 'talk' with another sister in her cong - so when she came to the door and I told her what was happening in 5 days, she told me what she was doing and asked if she could call me? I told her yes and left. I made it 5 mins around the corner and she called me to come BACK to the house right away...so i did. She lets me in the sister she was practicing with was sitting RIGHT THERE...my mom asked me to go back in her room and wait till she was done - which was fine with me (the sister she was with is an a$#). So she finishes up and comes and lays on the bed and procedes to ask me what I'm going to do and the schedule for everything...things were ok till she brought up the blood issue and STRONGLY suggested that I look into going to the hospital she had her surgeries in because they have a 'bloodless center' there RUN by JWs in that area. She throws this elders number at me and tell me to 'call him right away' cause he is in charge of the hospital liason committee and I should talk to him becaues the hospital my surgery will be in is NOT considered a 'bloodless option' and they supposedly have given countless JWs and issue with that choice??? Now here is my issue:
1. I am NOT a JW anymore...haven't been for over 1yr now.
2. WHY in the hell would I want to travel an hour away JUSt to have surgery at a hospital that has a 'bloodless' center BUT is run BY all JWs when I'm not one of them any longer AND would possibly make an issue?
3. WHAT reason do I have to call an elder...especially the one in charge of the liason? Um...I don't need HIS help.
So all WEEK my mom and dad have been calling to see HOW I feel, HOW i'm doing, IF I needed anything, AND offered for me to move IN with them after my surgery. HUH??????? I'm so confused...my mom ended up calling this elder on her own and he told her exactly what I said - they can't HELP me because I'm in a 'DFd state' - hahahahahaha that just sounds so funny - and so there is nothing HE can do. My mom started crying to ME about it...and I just sucked my teeth, again, what do I need HIS help for? He is a man...nobody special. I guess I just need support right now. My boyfriend and my TRUE friends all are really helping me out and taking care of me as now the surgery countdown is at 1 day (it's on Tues) but I'm still SCARED and anxious...not just because of the surgery, but I'm feelin kinda 'guilty 'about the blood issue now, I'm nervous about my friends and boyfriend meeting my parents for the FIRST time (parents dont' even KNOW about him), and I'm just worked up about the whole thing.
Anyhow have advice?????
i left town after the court case for a fresh start , it was 18 months before dubs knocked on my door , so i told them why i was not interested in their message , aswell as the watchtower payouts in may 2007 ,with gag orders attached , they seemed quite shocked by that but warned me to be carefull what information i read on the web !
i told them that in america they do not make up the news !
they seemed quite shocked about what happened to my child but said it would have ben an isolated case !
The other line they use is "Well they were never really a Jehovahs Witness to begin with because Jehovahs Witnesses would never do those things." So...total deniability.
Oh my God...I thought my mother was the ONLY person to repeatedly use this 'line' whenever a JW acted the FOOL and got caught up in something wrong! Go figure.
sorry about the false start.. .
this above phrase was recently said to me by a dub, when i told them that i didn't attend any more and that i felt much better for it.
" i asked " did i have so much agony with low self esteam, self hatred and no confidence while in a religon that is supposed to have gods blessing, and yet when i leave it all those problems dissapear?".
That statement (made by the JW) is sooo tyical - because it attempts to 'separate' JWs from everyone ELSE...as usual. IF you aren't a JW and if you aren't going to meetings, then you aren't 'good' or won't live a 'good' life?! UGH!
he should move over and allow room for michael vick.. did anyone see vick's touchdown pass against dallas in the playoff?.
awesome!.
a little something from vick's bio: .
I know...I know! I wish i could be HAPPY about that, but it's just sooooo disappointing, every year, to watch these TALENTED guys go DOWN like this. I mean, HOW do you lose 3 times to the Cowboys? 3 TIMES!!!
do they really have to build khs in 2 days?.
how safe are those khs?.
.
Let me say this: coming from RBC that was solely used for MOLD REMOVAL - 90% of the Khalls we gutted and remodeled were suffering from mold problems due to shotty work and cheap products. Mind you, those very Khalls were 'quick builds'!!! Every time we got the call to be at another site (and it was EVERY weekend) I would just shake my head because it was inevitable that in the history of the Khall, they would tell us that it was a quick build project....
