Hi there and welcome!
I can definitely relate to your post. I was a born in, and truly believed it all until a few years ago, when my first daughter was born. My husband was also born in, and all our extended family are JWs with the exception of one aunt, uncle and cousin. Serious doubts came about 2 years ago and despite knowing what I would lose if I pursued them, I just couldn't ignore the suffocation any longer. I went online and did extensive research. I read CofC. Within a few weeks' time, I was convinced this was not a true religion. I never stepped foot in a KH again, I just could not do it. As much as a slow fade would've been the better option, I am not the type of person who can hide how I really feel, especially from my family members.
I told my husband shortly after I decided it wasn't the truth. I just laid out everything. He agreed with me about a lot of it, and had had his own doubts for many years. He kept going to meetings for a few months, but after doing his own research, he left shortly after I did. We have 3 kids who were 5, 3 and 1 at the time. Obviously, we got them out early enough for the KH to be a distant, fuzzy memory.
The worst came when we told our families--again, we really don't like to live double lives, so we outted ourselves. And with small children who would inevitably want to show grandma what they got for their birthday, slowly fading was not an option. We did lose every single person, except my youngest sister. When I told her, she was thrilled and basically said, I'm coming with you. She had stayed in all those years because she could not face leaving on her own. I do miss the rest of my family dearly. I've cried many tears over it, and know it will be one of those things that will never heal.
BUT, that said, I wouldnt change a thing. We are happier now than we have ever been. Mental and emotional freedom is priceless! My children are allowed to be children, and will make their own choices in life. That still brings me to tears when I think about it because I never had that option, and it's something I'll be sure they do not take for granted. ANy relationships they form in life will be unconditional, unlike all the ones we left behind. Sometimes I am sad for them that they no longer have extended family really (we came from HUGE families), but again, the joy and happiness and peace we have everyday together is more than worth what we have lost. There is life on the other side, should that be what you choose.
Anyway, I know how lonely it can be at first when you are the only one with these thoughts and no one to talk to. Feel free to message me anytime. Good luck in your search for answers.
One more thing--After reading your post, I was going to make the same point as the above poster. While JWs generally appear to not hold racial prejudices amongst themselves, they sure as heck are prejudiced against anyone who is not a JW. And, if you talk to any JWs who grew up poor, or in a single parent household, they will tell you that they definitely felt discriminated against and treated differently. I had some of the same thoughts when I was first doubting. I made a list actually with PROS and CONS of the JWs. On the PRO side was "harmony among members", though I now realize that was nothing more than the mandatory generic cult personality masking the real one that had to be buried deep down inside.
