Having never been an elder all I can do is commiserate and wish you all the very best. Sometimes it's just not possible to leave. But one thing I do know is this; if and when you do, you will never regret taking the following action :
Hybridous. The guy who's not out looking for everything else that everyONE else is doing wrong.
Just try to be that one great-guy Elder that despondent JWs need.
The guy who doesn't press Organizational hard-lines.
The guy who is just a kind, listening ear. Giving comfort when JWs feel like they can't give enough...(they can't!).
The guy who sides with mercy when on a JC.
The guy who can make Organizational life a little more bearable. Surely, you can see the value in that...
You are striving to strike a very delicate balance. I wish you well...