8 here.
There were also some elders who were entirely sincere and who cared a great deal for the r&f who were struggling. They stood up to oppressive elders and tried to comfort and encourage others. Their constant message was to appreciate whatever others could manage, however small and to not judge other's decisions and choices.
The elder that officiated our wedding was like this. After a few years he couldn't take it anymore and quit being an elder. He got talked into being an elder and then quit again. I have no idea where he is now. Straight up guys either can't be straight up guys anymore, or they can't be elders.