Posts by nugget

i'm at the point where word is getting out that i'm not going to meetings anymore, and friends ask me if they'll be seeing me at the ca and i tell them i'm not going.

they want to know why, and what they can do to encourage me.

No. I had believed they were my friend but in the end they were merely cult puppets unable to think for themselves or appreciate what we shared and meant to each other. The difference between us is that if they came to my door I would welcome them in, if I went to theirs they wouldn't even open the door. Their friendship was conditional on what I believe mine is not.

57

The Elders want to meet with me ... (Judicial Meeting)

by Oubliette in

the elders want to meet with me.

at least that's what they keep telling me, and they've been saying it for more than a month and a half now.

just so you're clear: this is a judicial committee.

nugget

The truly sad thing is that they are not children any more but young adults. Adults who will make choices that are right and wrong. Going back in to save them is a noble ambition and I can't blame the OP for trying but it is also incredibly hard to achieve. Anyone trying this strategy needs to be aware of their own mental well being as this is a stressful thing to attempt. Know your limits and know when you need to take a break.

57

The Elders want to meet with me ... (Judicial Meeting)

by Oubliette in

the elders want to meet with me.

at least that's what they keep telling me, and they've been saying it for more than a month and a half now.

just so you're clear: this is a judicial committee.

nugget

I appreciate that you may not aware of my personal circumstances but we did walk away and left family and friends behind. Whilst it was painful it was also necessary for us to rebuild and give our family an authentic childhood and a real chance to have a better life. For us it is a decision I have never regreted.

The OP position is different in that they wish to return but the elders seem to have no desire to fufil that request. If they have family still in that they are close to then they may feel it is the only option. However depending on the reason for the DF'ing in the first place, reinstatement may take months or years. I genuinely am concerned that constant humiliation can have a damaging affect on a person's self esteem and mental health. Sometimes taking a break from the process to mentally regroup and restore balance can be helpful and healing.

The OP also asked what the elders behaviour says about the religion and my response is that for everyone it is better to walk away since the religion is toxic and causes harm.

62

Should all elders be painted with the same brush?

by Socrateswannabe in

jw
friends

an hour or two ago, i was reading a topic on this forum that welcomed new elders to jwn.

there was some criticism aimed at the op and i understand that elders shouldn't be singled out as special.

one poster said he/she hates all elders.

nugget

Not all elders are bad I knew some that I truly respected and could see that they were trying to set a good example in their own lives. These men were compassionate, reasonable and loving shepherds. I also knew some who were in it for the power and control and unfortunately these ones are the ones with the greatest influence and control in the congregations.

People are people, there are good and bad everywhere. Elders who learn TTAT are in a difficult position since they may feel that remaining in that position gives them the ability to help. However this may not be as easy as imagined since other elders also bring their own agendas and influence into the mix. There is also the problem that as an elder you will be under more scrutiny than the average publisher and it is harder to walk away or reduce involvement.

I found it very hard to go on the ministry, answer up or even sit through a meeting once I was aware. Having to do talks, counsel others or discipline people would have been beyond me.

57

The Elders want to meet with me ... (Judicial Meeting)

by Oubliette in

the elders want to meet with me.

at least that's what they keep telling me, and they've been saying it for more than a month and a half now.

just so you're clear: this is a judicial committee.

nugget

This is just to reinforce to you how utterly unimportant your life and concerns are to them. The fact that your family and friends are distanced from you whilst theirs are not is irrelevent to them and the fact that they can share fellowship with other witnesses and you cannot is of no consequence. Whilst you are in this state of sin you are less than nothing so unless there is no sport on TV or something they would rather do then this meeting is an inconvenience to them rather than a necessity. The fact that they keep postponing may be that they are not going to reinstate you and wish to avoid the unpleasantness.

It tells me it is better to walk away than wait forever.

15

What would you say?

by nicsfreedom in

jw
friends

i pondered on a rather strange idea (sort of a divided feeling) today after reading an article and i wondered how all of you would react.

in the unlikely event the ivory towers of wathtower came crashing down (not literally) lets just say there was a mass awakening.

for those of you who have suffered from atrocious behavior from friends and family, how would you really react?

nugget

I'd welcome my sister with open arms you don't get many opportunities for a really good "I told you so".

5

How I Feel Today

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

sick to my stomach!

agitated!

angry!

nugget

failure to pay or late payment may be a sign that they are in financial difficulties. I would seriously look for alternative employment. This happened to my husband when a company failed to pay him as they went into liquidation. He had no salary at all but couldn't claim benefits as technically he was employed.

I would also let the bank know about the delay in payment and request a formal overdraft to cover the direct debits going out so they don't bounce as this will cost more.

I would also go to your boss and highlight that you will be passing on any bank costs to them if their late payment results in bank charges. Keep it to a statement of the facts and maintain professionalism if at all possible.

24

Help me in my quest to free my sister

by Ed Daly in

jw
friends

hi there everyone, looking for some advice on helping my sister who is studying the bible with a jehovahs witnesses to escape.

shes been studying for over a year now and attends meetings occasionally.

i have been looking for a way to help her for a while now and the answer fell into my lap last week, during her study last week she mentioned that her son was going to a birthday party.

nugget

Your sisters motherly impulse may be the saving of her. The non celebration of birthdays and christmas is a means to separate witnesses from their peers and is particularly damaging to children. I saw my own children increasingly marginalised from their peers because they did not share in any of their key experiences. Birthdays are important for bonding and also for teaching them sharing with others without expectation of receiving.

Be careful how you guage things with your sister though and if she seems to be getting defensive back off a bit

The witnesses supply enough causes of concern for parents:

Non celebration of holidays

Evening meetings

Stern disapline during meetings with no allowance for a child's age of capabilities

The blood issue

Lack of education

emphasis on service and denying of ability

No sports or out of school activities

Social exclusion