Posts by nugget

19

OK, things are about to get messy....

by uk_ex_jw in

i have been operating as an ex-jw for over five years now.. i was never d/f or d/a - following an unsuccessful marriage to a jw and subsequent divorce, i went through quite an awful period of my life.. i was blocked from seeing my daughter by my ex-wife and her staunch jw family.. slowly my jw friends started pulling away as they didn't want to get involved.. i lost all interest in the organisation, and started to build a social circle outside of the faith.. at this point, my mother was still an active jw.. during that time, my mother wrote a letter to the bethel in london explaining to them what my ex-wife had done, and how she had been supported by her jw family.. the reply ; your son, and yourself need to work on your own spirituality.

jehovah will bless you as a result.. so that was it.. over the last 12 months, myself and my mother have spent a lot of time researching the organisation.

i gave her crisis of conscience which she has read, and now she is at the point where she doesn't believe that the organisation have the truth and hasn't been to a meeting in over a year.. yet, she has been hounded by elder's since this time.. one particular elder - imagine, the hitler-type elder who makes it his business to organise and dictate everyone's lives.

nugget

The man is a monster and meeting with him merely is another opportunity for him to inflate his ego at someone else's expense. I would send a letter to the congregation stating that his constant calls to your mother are becoming harassment, she is concerned that she is being stalked by a man and is considering legal action against him. If the congregation does not force him to desist then she will also hold the body of elders liable and take action against them as well. If she has a need to discuss her spirituality with them she will contact them.

If he calls state that as he has ignored her request to stop calling his behaviour is harassment which is a criminal offence in th uk. His calls are now being recorded and it is now a police matter. put the phone straight down. Your mother should make a note of every occasion he has called.

47

Hospitality after Public Talk - ???

by RubaDub in

i see a lot of mentions about hospitality after the public talk and honestly, i guess it is a practice that was not in the ny/ct area i grew up in or here in south florida today.. i grew up with an elder father and grandfather who gave public talks and were generally well-liked.

as a child, i never recall being invited to someone's house after the meeting.

granted, it was rare to travel more than an hour but regardless, it was typical to get in the car and head home after the "amens.

nugget

I always found it a little hit and miss. If hubby went and did the public talk alone he might be offered hospitality but he never was if we came with him. I didn't mind often in the case of morning meetings people used the excuse that they were out on the service.

That being said I rarely offered hospitality to visiting speakers either, in the witness world your nose is kept firmly to the grindstone.

67

marriage without affection/sex/touching

by zeb in

yes thats my situation.

some where along the path of life the wt guilt trip was dumped on our marriage and we havent had sex for years.. anyone else?

the hearts and flowers and gifts and doing the cleaning, the house work and paying the daily accounts never being drunk on drugs playing the horses or screwing others yep its all there but nothing coming back due to the wt guilt trip.. they made so much of 'oral sex' and 'pornea' incorrectly quoted at that and ventured thereby into areas they were patently very ill equipped to comment on.

nugget

So sorry, it is cruel to deny intimacy and it is wrong to be a thankless bitch. Just because you do not share religious belief it does not mean that there should be a denial of affection.

If this situation is unlikely to change how long can you continue to live in this way? Is it better to be alone with the opportunity to find someone who loves you rather than staying with your wife and trying to change a bad situation? If there was no sex but your wife showed affection and appreciation in other ways then there is a reason to be together otherwise you are just two people occupying the same space with no emotional connection.

Everyone needs to feel loved, sex isn't everything but it is important in a marriage.

I would talk to her frankly about how you feel. Ask her if she will agree to counselling. If she won't work with you and doesn't want to change then perhaps you need to rethink your relationship.

44

Should we still be angry with the Watchtower? Should we "forgive" the WT?

by Iamallcool in

jw
friends

.

nugget

I have found that in order to have a degree of inner calm I have had to make peace with my past. I forgive the individuals who applied counsel they received and caused me mental distress. I forgive the people who feel that they have to follow a cruel and faithless religion. However I do not feel that those who make the rules with the sole purpose of protecting their interests and to maintain control deserve forgiveness. They are still causing harm and still hurting people. The important thing is not wasting energy on pointless hate but putting that energy into making my families life better.

23

Not Breaking News: Jehovah's Witnesses Watchtower Under Police Investigation

by Scott77 in

police inquiry over jehovah's witness magazine 'mentally diseased' articlehttp://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/8791196/police-inquiry-over-jehovahs-witness-magazine-mentally-diseased-article.html.

telegraph.co.uk</form>sunday 24 june 2012. homenewsworldsportfinancecommentblogsculturetravellifefashiontechdatingoffersjobspoliticsobitseducationearthsciencedefencehealthscotlandroyalcelebritiesweirdhomenewsreligionpolice inquiry over jehovah's witness magazine 'mentally diseased' articlean official magazine for jehovah's witnesses that described those who leave the church as "mentally diseased" is at the centre of a police inquiry, it has emerged.the watchtower is the official magazine of jehovah's witnesses photo: alamy9:58am bst 27 sep 2011. detectives are investigating whether the article, published in julys edition of the watchtower, is in breach of britains religious hatred laws.. the article, published in the magazine which is distributed by jehovah's witnesses across the globe, reportedly warned followers to avoid "false teachers" which it condemned as being "mentally diseased".. "suppose that a doctor told you to avoid contact with someone who is infected with a contagious, deadly disease," part of the article stated.. "you would know what the doctor means, and you would strictly heed his warning.

well, apostates are 'mentally diseased', and they seek to infect others with their disloyal teachings.".

nugget

Has to be directed at a specific individual to be libel. That individual also has to demonstrate that they have suffered direct harm as a result of the article. Shunning doe not count as harm but if someone attacked you in the street telling you that it was because you were mentally diseased then you would have cause for legal action.

9

A JW Sparlock Apologist!

by Diest in

jw
friends

i had posted a few comments on cedars sparlock song on youtube.

mostly that i didnt feel that parents should manipulate their children into behaving.

i also didnt think parents had the right to raise thier children in such a crazy restrictive way.

nugget

Is it right to teach children to feel guilt and fear and to compare childhood mistakes with the sin of Adam and Eve? Children need to respect parents not because they fear death and parents should not do things that make them undeserving of respect. They need to know they are loved unconditionally and that when they make mistakes their parents will help them to put things right. Also parents should not indoctrinate children into a cult especially if they have not first thoroughly carried out independent research, especially if the cult expects them to make decisions affecting the child's physical and mental health and well being. Talk priniciples all you like but if you are asleep at the wheel your principles are not worth squat.

17

Do you still believe that Yoga and Other Spiritual Activities are demonized?

by Iamallcool in

jw
friends

.

nugget

no did yoga whilst stilla JW .

15

Missing family dearly

by Freeof1914 in

hey people it's been a tough couple of weeks for me, my wife and i have seperated i expected this, but it has been much more difficult than expected.

my family has gotten a million times more distant because of my inactive status and questioning ofthe org.

i do have wordy friends but still feel pretty bad being alone i have even contemplated returning to meetings for the sole purpose of not losing y family and life, but i cannot fathom the thought of bowing down to their rules and sacrificing my own integrity.

nugget

This is the worst time when the dust is settling and everything is a bad as it gets. I am sorry it is hard to lose those we love and although we hope our family will be different they rarely are, especially now with all the articles on shunning. Being on your own for now is actually a good thing, you need time to heal yourself mentally and to recover a degree of balance. You are now free to make your own choices in life and make friends with people based on how much you like them rather than on the basis of a shared belief.

Things move forward at their own pace. We are social beings we need friends but although 7 million people have rejected us we have billions of people who are our potential friends. Outside the world is a much richer and friendlier place.

21

How Long Should A Pedophile Be Shunned By The Church?

by Bubblegum Apotheosis in

at what point do we know a pedophile has repented of his sin?

how long should we shun a child sex offender, should the watchtower have thrown out the sex offenders the congregation for five, ten, twenty years?

how should a congregation deal with a sex offender who thinks he has grappled and beaten his urges?.

nugget

Pedophiles may be sorry for past crimes but there is no guarantee that they will not succumb to future urges. If someone is truly repentant for the past they will also recognise the danger they pose. Elders can only judge whether they are sorry not whether they no longer pose a danger so they should work with the person to show they recognise the effort he is making but for the benefit of everyone contact with minors would be prohibited and the congregation members should be aware that he needs them to be vigilant. He should be prohibited from going on the service since that puts him in contact with children it is not appropriate. After all telephone witnessing and letter writing can be used to good effect so he should be able to use these methods for his field service.

31

What Watchtower Got Wrong with Their Child Molestation Policy

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite in

in the style of stephen lett, i'm trying to come up with an exhaustive, enumerated list (without his crazy eyebrows, goofy facial expressions, and nutty voice).

what watchtower has gotten wrong isn't just their 2 witness rule.

it goes much deeper into other failures of jw dogma that has allowed this injustice and others to flourish in their organization.

nugget

Another thing that is extremly harmful is the judicial committee is not really set up to establish whether wrongdoing has occurred. If elders did not suspect or believe someone had sinned then there would be no committee. The committee starts from the premise that someone has indeed breached the rules either of scripture or the society.

The purpose of the committee is to see whether someone is sorry, after all you are not excommunicated for the sin you are disfellowshipped for not expressing the appropriate level of repentance. This means that those entering the committee are focusing on stressing how sorry they are not on investigating whether they were culpable or not. This can mean that a victim of a sexual assault or molestation is questioned regarding whether they did anything to encourage the behaviour, and how much they were to blame for what happened to them. This can be incredibly damaging the victim is made to feel a measure of responsibility, leading to guilt and PTSD. The process of trying to show evidence of repentance reinforces the idea that they have a measure of blame.

Elders are made to think that they are being guided by god's spirit and thus this can lead to complacentcy that whatever they do is god's will. They don't have to be experts in counselling, safeguarding children or know how to deal with rape victims because God will make it turn out all right. This means that their clumsy questioning and personal bagage can lead to dreadful errors being made that can increase the trauma of the experience. Also the fact that any form of therapy is regarded with suspision means that the victims are left high and dry with nowhere to go to get the support and therapy they need.