stuckinlimbo

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Posts by stuckinlimbo

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  12

  Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

  last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

  i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

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  stuckinlimbo

  BP:

  How about having a seperate "party" or just a dinner with your parents and your family the day after or so? If your mother wants to bring a gift she can as it technically won't be his birthday anymore, and you can just tell your son that Grandma and Grandpa won't be at his party because they'll come another day to see him?

  The party will actually be held before his birthday, and we get together with my mum and dad enough so that's not an issue. Also, I would not like to encourage her to buy him anything else, she gives him something, on average, once a week, probably more. Spoils him rotten (not the typical JW). She has presents stored for him and his cousins that will be coming (at Christmas time lol) as well. Thankyou for your comments

  Ding:

  Does she know you are having a birthday party for him and that it's openly going to be a BIRTHDAY party with cake, candles, happy birthdays, and the happy birthday song?

  No I wasn't going to bother telling her unless I was going to invite her.

  If she knows it's going to be a birthday party, how does she react to that fact alone? Does that make you "bad association" to her? Does it provoke arguments or lectures or attempts to make you feel guilty?

  I might get a grumble, a sad look, I don't know whether or not it would become a big issue...

  If your mother could handle being there, how would your father react? Would she have to hide things from him to keep peace in the family?

  Hmmm... yeah it is looking like a bad idea....

  If you can't have an open dialogue with your mother about these things, I think you have your answer right there. Don't invite her.

  I think you are right. Thanks for your logic. I appreciate the comments very much. You have helped me see this much more clearly. I think tear he will not ask why they aren't there, next year he may be old enough to understand that his grandparents don't do birthdays, he certainly won't be worried whether they love him or not. They bestow him with love attention and gifts all the time.

  If your mother or father feel left out because she's excluded from this part of his life, the blame lies with them and their religion, not with you.

  Thankyou, I was feeling bad about this in particular but you are right.

  Your whole post has made me feel a lot better. Thankyou.
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo

  OTWO - My brother lives far away and may not always be around at Xmas time, we could work around that. I live out of town so even my parents don't come here for sometimes weeks. I guess the approach you suggest could work in the short term, maybe we'll just have to work it out year by year.

  Bella - I have seen a counsellor, the type that finds you really interesting but doesn't actually help you that much lol! Funnily enough, his sister in law was in the process of becoming a JW, and I gained a lot personally by providing him with the tools for him and his wife to help get her out, but I digress. I don't know if I'd call my problems PSTD, I certainly have issues, but the main issue I have is that I feel my family are insane and following an insane cult. I have spent the first 20 odd years of my life reading the bible and struggled with the idea god was so cruel and such a mysogynist. When I left and allowed myself to read evidence to the contrary, my instincts were validated. Not believing in a God is logical to me. It doesn't provide all the answers, and I understand being agnostic, but I'm an atheist because I don't believe in God, not because I'm on the rebound. I've felt a lot more at peace over the last five years, and I don't have to keep my legs together at night anymore incase I get raped by demonz lol.... off on a tangent again I am.

  I like Christmas because the family get together and puts up pretty decorations and eats nice food and has a good time together. We did this as JWs when I was younger, but as my brothers got older and had their own families this happened less and less. Christmas makes a date for families to get together. I like that. I want that for my family (that is our children, etc). Sure I'd like it to be called something other than "Christmas" but I don't think that's going to happen anytime real soon!!
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

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  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo

  Thanks for your thoughts NC! Yes I do want him to have a normal/beneficial upbringing that turns him into as happier person as possible. But I also don't want to ruin his good relationship with his grandparents. At the moment I don't think my mum is teaching him anything about the religion, but I am concerned that if he visits unsupervised when he is older (she will only be looking after him for me for the 2 days per week for another month), and we are DAd/DFd, they may think they have a right not to respect our views and try to push their beliefs on him, if visits are with me, this won't happen. So that's an issue too.
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  12

  Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

  last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

  i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

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  stuckinlimbo

  Ok so my son is turning 3 soon and I will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays. Last year I made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing. I didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it I took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos I showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles). This is all very confusing. Just wondering what I can get away with. Dad's an elder and they are both true believers. My mum still does apologetics for any birthday stuff. Just the other day she commented that this was a birthday puzzle that she had bought, "but it's just a party" cause there was no cake and candles.

  I want her to be a part of his party, because she is a big part of his life and they love each other to bits. She would absolutely love seeing his joy at this party, but I am afraid having a cake and singing "happy birthday" will be a line in the sand that she just cannot cross, and putting her in that position may be a bad idea that will cause her to revaluate whether I am "bad association". And of course I would have to invite mum and dad and dad really couldn't go, being an elder and all. Especially since my hard-core elder brother will be visiting very soon after. This year may not be suck an issue, he is 3, just don't invite her and he won't notice, but what about next year, and the year after that. I think I may be in "la la" land even considering asking her... maybe I have been lulled into a false sense of security I could burst open with the wrong move at any moment...

  Thoughts/similar experiences?
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo

  Got Firefox going ta! I was trying to use Puffin for Ipda but the keyboard doesn't interact very well with the posting box...
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

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  stuckinlimbo

  Hi all. I am actually an addict of this site, but on my iPhone, so I only get to post spasmodically. I would really appreciate any help/advice/thoughts about my dilemma as to when/if to begin celebrating Christmas (in a secular fashion, I am an atheist) with my nearly 3 year old son. The issue is being somewhat circumvented this year, as we will be celebrating with a friend who lives far away, but next year, when my son will be four, I am concerned I will have to make a choice.

  To give a bit of background, my husband and I faded, abruptly, about five years ago. My parents, who live in the same town and care for my son 2 days per week, are lovely people who have a great relationship with their grandson. They are in their 70s and the religion has been their whole life. Even if I could open their eyes, I don’t know if I would want to (yeah I probably would but I guess that would be selfish). I have told my mother a lot of the problems I have with the society (sorry, now more commonly the “organisation”), but they don’t shun me and hold on to the futile hope that I will someday change my mind. We don’t speak about it anymore as it just brings tears. I might have a dig every now and then about something, but I don’t push it. They still give me the magazines. I think they know I am quite vehemently opposed but haven’t called me an “apostate”yet. I think they are actually good people who are not completely blinded. They are the type who are under the false impression they can still follow the Bible first rather than the Society. Anyway I am going off on a tangent...

  My older brothers are hard-core, we speak perhaps once per year. However, there is an annual visit to my parents (ironically at Xmas) from one brother who lives far away and his young family including his two boys that are close in age to my son, so this is a plus for my son, albeit rare. There are no real issues or love lost either with my husband’s parents, who also live far away and visit occasionally.

  So that is the situation. We are not officially shunned, but the only people we are having regular contact with are my parents (and my Dad’s an elder by the way). This contact is the most important, although it is nice to enjoy no official sanctions with anybody else, although some witnesses do shun us.

  My problem is my child is not a JW, never has been and never will be (too smart). I don’t want him to go through THE HELL I did being an outcast/weird at school. I don’t want him to explain to his friends in the future that we “can’t have a xmas tree because my grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins might get upset and not speak to my parents anymore...”

  I WANT that family tradition (obviously just our little family) of decorating/celebrating/nice food/belonging that goes along with Xmas. I just wonder if that’s selfish considering it could drive my immediate family to shun us/get us officially DFd/DAd. I pick up magazines/catalogues featuring xmas trees etc and I want to cry. I just want to be normal and not have our lives controlled anymore. I even had to avoid the xmas tress at a store the other day as I kept feeling like crying. It’s pathetic. We are financially secure but it would not be nice to be written out of my parent’s will either. Apart from anything else, there is stuff with sentimental value that I would like to have the opportunity to have when my parents are gone. They also still live in the house I grew up in, and being barred from that would hurt too. I just don’t know if they’d actually shun us. If we were officially kicked out my dad could/would be removed as an elder for still having contact with us too.

  So that’s my problem. I’ll do another thread for the birthday problem...
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo

  Ok sorry about that will do my original post soon sorry... stay tuned
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo

  testing 123???
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  34

  Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

  by stuckinlimbo in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  stuckinlimbo
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  Wives

  by flying under the radar in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been reading posts both here and on other pages about different brothers, both with a high position (like the gb and other bethel-heavies) and "ordinary" elders, and i've gotten a bit curious about their wives.

  what are these women like?

  for examples the wives of the gb.

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  stuckinlimbo