I have been lucky...damn lucky...I don't even know what I did to deserve the kind of luck I've had in this regard.
I managed to get in touch with someone about my age, and roughly the same circumstances as myself a few months after I left. She too had faded away from the JW's recently. It was pure coincidence that a guy I used to date said, "Hey - I know someone who used to be a Witness too - you should meet her." Well, he and I never kept in contact - but she quickly became my new best friend...and still is.
I was lucky to have her in my life when I did - we were able to do a lot of growing together, and face the challenges of our families together. Moral support, etc. And while she and I both participated in the boards, and they were helpful - it was great having her near for that in person help.
The relationships between our familes were strained...however, she and I have both managed to maintain relationships with our family still in the Witnesses. The most amazing thing of all - our JW parents have now become friends. I think they like that we are friends. Sure, we may not go to meetings, but at least we're not hanging with total worldly hooligans! :)
Another childhood friend of mine lives near us, she too left the JW's and we were able to reconnect. Luckily we all get along. Her husband and my husband (neither of which were JW's) can commserate to having JW in-laws, and crazy ex-jw wives. :) Again - thanks to luck we have a new little family. One of our choosing. We do all our holidays and birthdays together, no one judging in case we get a little overboard at christmas, because hey - we're new at this.
I think when leaving the JW's you need a new support network. It's tricky to make friends, especially when you're older - but their value is immeasurable on your success at being able to adjust to life on the outside.
Also, something I think is important is realizing that they don't have to be an ex-jw to "get you". Use the boards to for that "wow you totally get me" boost of confidence, but don't shut out regular people on the basis of if they were a jw or not. They'll still be able to get and relate to you, just on different levels. I think because we were trained the JW's are so different, for some reason we think as ex-jw's we're so different. That's not totally true, in my limited experience. We're all still human - we all still relate, a lot of people have familial strife that has nothing to do with religion.
I think you just have to have friends. I'm lucky to have the friends that I do, and I wouldn't trade them for anything...they are my family.
