I am just discovering this thread/story............BluePill......please continue to write.
There are so many levels of pain for those of us that have left the "org".......I was a long time elder and have experienced very similar things to what you wrote about.
Don't stop writing......get it all out.
I wrote a small eBook ..... it helped me a great deal to just barf it all out: https://payhip.com/b/BeyN