(((((((((whyamihere))))))))))))
yes, you need help. Yes the religion screwed you up. And probably yes, your parents contributed to it. But you are an adult now and you can reach out for help. That is the first big step. If you are at a place in your life that dialing a phone # for help may be a big red flag that you need help today, right now. Please, go to the nearest Emergency Room (in USA, I'm thinking) and get some psychological help NOW.
It takes time, lots of time and lots of discussions to get through depression/grieving/undoing cult influences.
You are right that women tend to put everyone else ahead of their needs. But for your sake and especially for your family's sake, GET SOME HELP NOW.
Joy
ps, I'll be in chat if you want to talk.