I believed there was a God even before I became a JW. The search for God became important at age 9 to the point of attending church on my own - my family rarely attended. I looked into the religions of my friends, went to their churches and synogogs. Looking for god, trying to find him and then imagining that he was there but I just hadn't found the "True Religion" to reveal him to me.
Got married and found out that his mother was a JW when we stopped to see her on our way back from the honeymoon. I asked my husband what was wrong with his mother she was so nasty and talking about things that were so far out - the end is coming, don't have children, god is going to kill almost everyone and leave only the JW's. I thought, "what the heck does that mean, what kind of religion is that?"
Started studying with the Witnesses and I thought, "This is it. This must be the True Religion" Their black and white thinking fit in perfectly with the way I was raised. I didn't like holidays because of family insanity at those times so that fit right in too. Ah, this must be it.
Now after all these years, not agreeing with alot of the teachings but thinking that somehow it would become clear in time. Ha! The blood issue, the UN, the abuse. How could I have been so blind, so taken advantage of, so easily led?
Haven't been back to the hall in three months. Tried to make sense out of God once more and can't do it anymore. Blinders off, light shines in, brain in gear and------- I don't believe anymore. The WTS took that away this summer. I feels quite strange to no longer pray when I prayed throughout the day. No longer asking that god take care of my children and keep them safe. It just isn't there and I think if there was a god, he made a hasty retreat long ago. Abandoned his creation because it didn't turn out as expected.
"Religion is the opium of the people" Karl Marx
JBB