Posts by techdotcom

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Well damn....I missed those parties as a dub, might have wanted to stay in longer.... jk lol

Yeah the sexual repression brings out the freaks (self included). Those that we have met that had no connection with the religion tend to have a much more relaxed attitude when it comes to sexual expression and don't really make a big deal about it one way or the other. In comparison to the ex JW's we know.

The ex JW's tend to be really wild and ready to make up for lost time like we have or still holding on to the strict and repressive morality mindset and be offended or wierded out by sex or any kind of postponed adolecent behaviour. We have actually settled down quite a bit and while we retain the open sexuallity, with rare exception we don't really make an effor to "hook up" with friends. When it happens yay, but not a focus. Still waaaaay more parties and going out to enjoy ourselves in the past 2 years than in my whole life at that point.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Oh man, yeah there's a topic, swinging among witnesses and the usual dramatic after effects. This area of the country, Oklahoma, it seems like alchohol fueled parties with 18-20's aged people was pretty common when we were that age. With the booze and sexual represion you get the inevitable sexual experimentation with a hormoned bunch of young people. A few parties we attended turned into a real grope fest, lol. Although I was never at one that turned into full out sex. One of the parties ended up with about half a dozen or so of us fully clothed, blitzed out of our minds, in a bed and a lot of "heavy petting" as the saying goes.

That particular one, about 6 months or so later, got us into the back room and a private reproof. There was a marking talk I'm sure, but for some weird reason I didn't even know about those till the last couple of years when I got out completly. I just never noticed those special needs talks and the cooralation to people getting into trouble. Weird how a life long JW could have a blind spot like that lol.

Anyway the wife and I were dating at the time, and didn't have a bit of issue between ourselves about the general openness of the situation, but we were, of course, VERY repentant with the brothers and got a slap on the wrist.

Another weird thing about us was the rather long courtship, about a year and a half, before getting engaged. We messed around a little but guilt kept us from actually engaging in full out sex. But boy did she come alot at my "hands" during that time....sigh...very nice memories.... An unusual length of time for a JW courtship.

We also learned of an incident with two couples who played together, the wife got attached to the other couple and there was a mutiple dfing and one couple divorced over the whole thing. It would seem from personal experience and from stories I've heard that witnesses are poorly prepared for acting like grownups about sex and it's caused us a few emotional bruises along the way to be sure.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Twitch, that part was just a bit of humor not a serious critisism of the main content of the forums. Also you might notice that the section of the forums this was posted to was an appropriate one "Dating and Relationships".

Usualusername, um....yeah that's kind of the point. :P

Listen, I get that this is not everyone's cup o tea. Point taken. However, this is not the JW's, we can disagree without it being an issue of our personal worth as induviduals. The topic is well...on topic for the area of the forum and honestly I don't see anything wrong about that. Why I keep posting on this thread probably has something to do with not really caring if you or anyone else approve or find it something they would ever think of doing. It's more of just a way to share my thoughts and maybe discuss the topic of polyamory/swinging/non-monogamy in an honest, respectful and "open" way, pun intended. ;)

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Not a lot of interest from this forum about this but what the hell, its better than listening to crazy rants about the coming apocolypse or yet another inane mandate from the borg.

Hmm...let's see, been a busy 9 months, had friends/lovers drift in and out of our lives had a lot more stay around and I'm almost starting to feel like I'm leaving the religion behind me somewhat. At least in the sense of not feeling so much like an "ex jw" as much as someone who was in it a long time ago. Only been 2 years though and I know we still have a long way's to go toward finding out who we are exactly.

As for the open/poly thing, still there, still finding our way in that as well. Still together despite the ominous predictions of some when I started the thread. Not much has changed in the long term relationship area although we did make friends with a couple we are pretty close to and spend alot of time with. Most in the same way you would with any friends who are close like family and sometimes "play" friends. We are still friends with some of the people we met the first evening out at the swinger club and had a very eventful and memorable evening that night too....I really really really got to save up some money for a hot tub....

Still waaaaay easier for a woman to meet men or women for that manner for fun or more serious friendship but apparently that is the harsh reality of life in this situation. Although, to be fair, a woman attract all sorts of wrong and unpleasant attention as much as the good kind. I still have made friends of the benifits varity myself and the wife and I do go on dates seperatly.

Its been educational, and I will admit, what I would euphemistally call an "oportunity for character growth" lol. In fact in hindsight I would say living a sheltered and repressed JW existance doesn't prepare someone for the emotional and relationship gymnastics that poly life brings. Still, we muddle along as best we can and take the bad with the good and the good is very very good when it's there.

Like I said just a brief check in and bit of self vindication that all was not lost and our marriage and sanity are still surviving not only our experimentation but with stepping out into the real world for the first time in our lives.

Have a good one folks, time to snuggle a cutie and watch a movie before bed :)

66

Absurd WT Control in April 2012 KM

by LostGeneration in

jw
friends

yeah in the section on attending the convention, you will find this gem:.

"therefore, we should give attention to our dress and grooming while in the convention city, including when we check in at the hotel.

arriving in shorts and a t-shirt would not reflect dignity.".

techdotcom

Part of it's a control thing, but I think it's advertising. It makes the witnesses stand out. People dressed like that arriving as families aren't business travellers and it's odd, out of place. While it maybe wouldn't be what you would think of as a good message, being wierd, it does get people to hear the name brand, so to speak, when they ask whats up. Its rediculous but when viewed from the perspective of a business not at all that strange. Companys come up with all sorts of stupid ways to both promote a sense of unity within the workforce and get the companies name out there.

48

Matrix moment - what was it and when did you share it?

by MMXIV in

for those of you who had a moment like that from the matrix when you realised what you'd believed was fundamentally flawed or a lie - what caused that defining moment and how long was it before you could share your thoughts?.

mmxiv.

techdotcom

There wasn't one moment for me for when it all came crashing down. I was born in and from as early as I could remember some little thing here and there would not make sense. I would ask about it, recieve what was almost always an unsatifying answer but, being principled and basically a good kid, I would table the doubt and wait for Jehovah to supply understanding. Over the years that became more and more difficult to do and for me the tipping point was after the birth of my daughter, our first child. I just could not teach my child something was true that I could not really convince myself was. I wasn't ever a really zealous beliver but I was loyal until I couldn't stand it anymore. I stopped the meetings and had been irregular in FS for some time anyway and stopped that alltogether as well.

I remained inactive and went to meetings only when my wife demanded for the next 10 years. I wanted to respect her right to believe as she choose but it was becoming difficult to tolerate being around what felt like a huge sham. At that point we were close to divorce and I faced a shrinking window of opportunity to do anything to keep my kids from suffering thru a life in the religion. I finally made myself start to read "apostate" material in a effort to try and find some solid evidence to show my wife. I was both suprised to find so much easy to understand material and very ashamed to have waited so long out of fear. So I played the role of Morpheous and offered my wife the opportunity to learn what I had seen and why I couldn't even continue to the meetings with her any longer.

She took the red pill, saw how far down the rabbit hole went, and had a very bad few days as she digested the real truth..... 2 years later we continue to heal and grow and are grateful that our children will not be trapped as we were. The real kicker for her and the one that shocked her the most, at least initially, the NGO association with the UN. For a 5th generation born in that was an incredibly unsettling thing to find out. After that the pedofile coverup and general doctrinal stupidity have done the rest.

40

Special talk earthquakes increasing really?

by tootired2care in

jw
friends

i had to sit though the the special talk yesterday "is it later than you think", the brother a good deal of time making the case that major earthquakes are on the rise, and how i should believe it is "later than i think" based on that fact.

i took a bit of time to research this today, and sure enough they are not.

the link below has a chart of major earthquakes since the mid nineties, and it clearly shows they are random and all over the place.

techdotcom

It's all about how you frame the correction. If its "you are wrong and here's why" he's not going to listen but go with "I thought you might want to know this so as not to stumble those who may know otherwise."

Either way saying anything is a red flag that you are at the very least non humble pain in the ass. They really don't care if they are correct or not, its all about obedience and following the company line.

94

What's the JW reaction to new 16 page mags????

by diamondiiz in

if you've been to the meeting when the letter was read, what was jw reaction????

just curious if it was just another sign that the end is nearer or did any wake up for a second to realize the corporation is downsizing due to costs..

techdotcom

Most won't even try to think about it. After all the right thing to do is accept the direction of Jehovas Chariot no matter what. If pressed most if pressed almost any witless would say "I know it doesn't always make sense but then I remember I should wait on Jehovah and trust his earthly organization. Even if its wrong I should trust in god's spirit to direct things to a better course rather than to disply a rebellious and haughty attitude".......... blech......great I really should have typed that before I ate lunch......

27

Has Anyone Been Present When a Dissident Spoke in KH?

by Band on the Run in

jw
friends

i know some dissatisified members have planned to "throw caution to the wind" when they exit and break the news as a stunning revelation of lies.

some of my funniest memories were of teachers and others terminated but since they had to finish their contract, they decided to share their insights and horrors.

in normal life, there is a certain allowance made under the circumstances.

techdotcom

Not too long before I'd finally had all I could take, the summer of 2010, we were at the CA (i think) and when the brother wrapped up his talk at the end of sunday with a jab at the Avatar movie I said "He's kidding, right?" loud enough for a few rows ahead and back to hear. After we overheard some people a few rows in front making a comment along the lines of "Well you know they research this stuff very well before hand". Needless to say my wife was mortified and pretty pissed at me.

But he seriously caught me off guard. I had heard they were going to say something about Avatar and so I listened very carefully, waiting for the slam on spirituality in the movie or the violence or something like that. Nope he goes to the other, older meaning of the word avatar from eastern religions....I was totally expecting to smugly snort and jab my wife about an overeaction like with the Harry Potter movies or the smurf thing of old and instead he went comepletely off radar and used the wrong meaning for how the word was used in the movies title....I had got my self so on edge waiting for one thing that I just got suprised and forgot to keep my mouth shut. Very suprised no brothers came to talk to me. But I'd been inactive for 10 years so maybe they just figured to let it slide. Oh and the wife and I both liked the movie and had seen it, so she understood what I was saying. She was still pissed that I emberrased her though...lol

BTW - What really puzzles me is there is a perfect, popular cartoon "Avatar, the Last Airbender" that DOES use the word with the old meaning in mind. Just some of the stupidest people being put in a position of authority...........

But I've never been lucky enough to see a really good outburst, or brave enough to do it myself.

79

Can you be in Love with two persons? My Dilemma...

by Intel in

first, don't laugh.

i'm not some adolescent teen that is confused about his relationship.

what i am going to relate here has become a maior hard ship and is really gnawing at me.

techdotcom

Short answer in my opinion is yes, I agree with many of the posts that there is no limit to how many you can have affection and a connection with. I hesitate to use the word "love" simply because it can mean different things to different people. You can love a good friend and there be no sexual connection yet you may feel they are as part of your life as any spouse.

You have an opportunity and a tough path to follow in figuring out what your feelings mean to you and your loves. You may want to keep that connection to both but they may not agree or you may not feel like that is what you want and that you need to decide on one or the other in either case. There's no right or wrong answer here, just what you can make work and what everyone in this situation wants.

Your not a bad guy and did nothing wrong that I can see. No lying or cheating, you fell in love and thats great! But falling back in love with your ex isn't wrong either although it does understandably complicate things with both your new love and your ex. Just be honest with them and yourself and do your best.

It sounds as if all of you are interested in a traditional monogamous relationship, in that situation you will have to choose who to stay with as a partner. But there are other possible configurations that can work, with time and effort. Lots of people live happy and non monogomas lives with 2, 3 or more people they are intimate with and even share their lives. It's up to you to figure out what you want and make the best decision you can based on that.

Good luck and I'm sorry you find yourself in this difficult situation, I don't think anyone should have to choose who to love and force themselves to throw away any happiness because they are told its just how its supposed to be. What has worked for me may not work for you or be desirable but I urge you to at least give it some thought and maybe read some on polyamory and see if that could work for you and yours.