i went to watch my niece's orchestra recital last night.
i knew my parents were coming, and was pleasantly surprised to see my jw sister and niece were there also.
i don't think my family realized (nor did i) that this was a christian homeschool music program.
Enjoy those moments with your JW family's authentic personas, Faithful Witness! Those are great opportunities to laugh, remember other special moments, and possibly to ask them to join you in some fun outing(s) that will get them away from WTBTS meetings. Do what you can when you can to help their authentic personas grow stronger.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
first post here: longtime lurker but hesitant to take the leap.
my story is pretty much like everyone elses with little variance, but i thought id add a few details that especially tormented me when i was in.
im sure these are familiar, im afraid this is a bit of a rant.. --paradise: the constant chatter about a perfect world when most in the hall were not even slightly interested in taking care of the earth now.
Welcome BarHarborBarbara, Thank you for sharing your feelings/experience abou the WTBTS. If replaying meeting songs in your mind is the worst that you experience leaving the WTBTS, than you are truly lucky.
It is interesting that you noticed how JWs would have unhealthy conversations with you - it was always your fault or weakness and not theirs. I am glad that you were able to leave the WTBTS for your emotional health.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
for some strange reason when i previously asked to give me examples of how evil attorneys are and then reworded to give me examples of evil lawyers, many misinterpreted that i was labeling all lawyers as evil.
i simply asked a question.
i did not state or imply anything.. now, without labeling all lawyers as good, what examples do you have of 'good lawyers'?.
When I was getting a divorce from my ex-wife, my lawyer's advice was "Give, Give, Give [possessions that were accumulated during marriage] until it hurts." It was good advice because by giving my ex-wife any possession that she wanted and we accumulated together she was more agreeable to not ask for allimony or drag out the divorce. My lawyer's objective was to help me cut financial obligations and emotional ties as soon as possible, get rid of things that might remind me of my ex-wife, defuse emotional triggars, and reduce legal fees.
It was strange how the strategy worked. Within a year of the divorce being final, my exwife even gave me somethings that she wanted while we were seperating.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
i came across this article today and really appreciated it's positive message; and so i wanted to share a few choice excerpts that i thought were particularly relevant for this group:.
7 things remarkably happy people do often1.
make good friends - make real friends.
Thanks for sharing Oubliette!
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
poor sod.
i felt quite sorry for him in the end.. for context, i was brought up as a jw since i was very young.
i left 6 years ago (faded) a little before turning 30. i was on here a lot around that time but under a different profile that's no longer active.. for the past 18 months, i'm back living in the territory of the congregation i grew up in.
Thumblina - I would like to think there was one or two things I said that at the very least made him think. Towards the end he asked me to keep an open mind about what he'd said, which I said I would (PAH! ) . I followed up by saying that if there was anything I had said that made him curious that I hoped he would give himself permission to look up more about it later when he was back in his home. You never know I suppose....
Welcome back Thumblina, Predictable that JWs ask others to keep an open mind, but will not independently research the WTBTS for themselves nor critically think for themselves. The WTBTS indoctrinates JWs to believe that JWs are right and everyone else is doomed!
I wonder what that JW would have done, if you had responded to his query, "My mind is open. Is yours? Have you visited www.jwfacts.com or www.freedomodmind.com? If you won't visit those websites, why ask me to keep my mind open, when you won't."
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
i was curious what might be some good things to say if i am questioned by the elduurs about my decline in fs.
anything too honest may get me a jc (although that would be for the best in the end..) the co visit is this week so they may be getting more agressive than usual.
Hi BU2B, DITTO what quellycatface wrote. Within the last 6 months someone suggested acting as if you are incompetent when performing WTBTS duties.
Last November I greeted two JWs at my brother's house. One JW appeared to be a Bible Student (new recruit) and the other person appeared to be more experienced. The Bible Student (new recruit) gave the sales pitch. She mumbled and seemed very scared during her presentation. I could barely understand her.
If you told the elders what quellycatface wrote and behaved a little distracted/frightened/incompetent, would the elders pressure you as much in the future?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
i'm cleaning up my home of unnecessary magazines/newsletters that i have accumulated over the years.
while i was working as an employee i did not feel like i had the time to read them.
now that i'm not working as an employee but work as a volunteer to network and maintain workplace skills, i seem to have more time to read.. after reading many threads by former jws, i thought that the following article might help some to heal.
talesin - I can choose happiness, I can choose to move on, but I will never choose to forgive those who keep trying to destroy my life, and treting me like dog poo on their shoe.
Accept the wounds, and realize I can't change anything. Let go of caring about what they think. That, for me, is the way to heal. It is 'moving on', not 'forgiving'. . . .
You could use a bit of sensitivity training. Yeah, I grew up being sexually abused in ways that would make you have nightmares for the rest of your life, physically abused, emotionally and spiritually .... and you have the blankety-blank NERVE to say SHIT HAPPENS?
@ talesin, I'm sorry for how you were abused as a child. I use forgiveness and moving on interchangably. I recognize that some people do not like using the word "forgiveness". For me it is difficult to define either sufficiently well enough to differentiate between them. IMHO the most important thing is for people to be aware of how emotions are adversely affecting their lives and hopefully to make changes to live happier and healthier lives.
cofty - So how does that differ from deciding to just let an abuser get off with their crimes?
@ cofty, Interesting question. H'mm, How to differenciate between revenge and justice? Can we agree that law enforcement should be notified about an abuser who has committed a crime? Revenge is biased with a biased individual(s) being the investigator,judge, jury, prosecutor, etc. Justice is more non-biased than revenge with multiple individuals fullfilling seperate roles of investigator, judge, jury, prosecutor, etc. I prefer justice over revenge.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
had an interesting discussion at work today.
sat down at a table with 4 of my younger workers.
somehow it came up that one's mother was a jehovah witness, and one had dated a jw girl before.
When I first got to know a JW, I thought that the WTBTS was just a kooky religion. Most of my friends think that JWs are strange and harmless.
Now, I have no doubts that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult that victimizes JWs with BITE control techniques. I'm also convinced that anyone can be unduly influenced by dangerous cults.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
i'm cleaning up my home of unnecessary magazines/newsletters that i have accumulated over the years.
while i was working as an employee i did not feel like i had the time to read them.
now that i'm not working as an employee but work as a volunteer to network and maintain workplace skills, i seem to have more time to read.. after reading many threads by former jws, i thought that the following article might help some to heal.
cofty - ABibleStudent - I think "forgiveness" is a fuzzy term. I'm not sure people mean the same thing by it as others may mean.
It is commonly perceived to be a virtue but I'm not convinced.
Of course bitterness is harmful - that's obvious.
I have no feelings about the Watchtower organisation, no emotional reaction, but I don't forgive. Why should I?
Hi cofty, I agree with what was written in the article that I quoted in my initial post to this thread.
I agree that "forgiveness" is a fuzzy term and is interpreted differently by people, which is why I liked what was written in the article that I quoted (see excerpt below of the articles' advice about how to forgive).
HOW TO FORGIVE:
• First, realize that forgiving does not mean that you condone or forget offenses. And it doesn't necessarily mean you need to reconcile with the offender. The act of forgiveness simply means moving beyond feeling aggravated and angry. It means giving up the desire for revenge.
• Accept that you cannot control other people's behavior.
• Look at the hurtful incident in perspective. It isn't always possible, but if you can, try to see what happened from the other person's point of view - or at least from a neutral viewpoint.
• Gradually move away from blame to accepting that what happened, happened, and that it is in the past. You can't do anything about the past.
• Try writing your thoughts down in a letter (that you don't intend to send). It's a non-hurtful way to vent your feelings.
Although some people consider "forgiveness" a virtue, I was hoping that readers of this thread might consider health benefits to themselves rather than considering 'forgiveness" as a virtue or for some religious dogma.
I also agree with you about not forgiving the WTBTS, but possibly for a different reason than yours. How can someone forgive an organization that has no mind? It would be like forgiving the gun/knife that was used to kill someone.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
i'm cleaning up my home of unnecessary magazines/newsletters that i have accumulated over the years.
while i was working as an employee i did not feel like i had the time to read them.
now that i'm not working as an employee but work as a volunteer to network and maintain workplace skills, i seem to have more time to read.. after reading many threads by former jws, i thought that the following article might help some to heal.
ABibleStudent - As others have already written, organizations are not individuals and therefore cannot be forgiven. Although I might forgive leaders of dangerous cults like the WTBTS, I would never trust those leaders to behave any differently than as a dangerous cult.
OUTLAW -
[Although I might forgive leaders of dangerous cults like the WTBTS.......aBiblestudent]
Seriously Robert?..
You would Forgive the WBT$ Leaders who have Destroyed the Lives of so many JW`s??!!..
Many of them are Right Here on Our Forum..
Then tell us what a Big friggin Help you are to Our Community????!!!!!..
Hi OUTLAW, How would you feel about someone cherry-picking what you write so that they can write emotinoally laden words to create a diatribe to rationalize their perspective? When quoting what I write, at least quote my entire sentence (and preferably the entire paragraph) and not just a single phrase.
Since you have some very strongly held emotions about the WTBTS (and my lack of JW experience), how long were you a JW and how long have you been holding on to those feelings? I was adversely affected by the WTBTS in 2010 and I moved on sometime in 2011. Since you DA'ed in 1974, how has the WTBTS adversely affected you in the last 40 years?
From the thread A question about those who are disassociated by OUTLAW -
When I disassociated myself I just walked out and didn`t come back.I gave the elders no explanation,I just told them not to bother me again,that was in 1974.When I read the posts on this forum,it seems as though some feel the need to give a formal explanation.Why is this ?Are the jws demanding an explanation if you leave?If so why would you go along with this invasion of privacy?I would appreciate it,if someone could bring me up to date on this...THANKS...OUTLAW
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
