Posts by Kat

18

Met my first Elder after diassociation

by aud8 in

well i met my first witness (and it would have to be an elder who i always got on well with) last night after my disassociation 3 weeks ago and i was not prepared for how hard it felt.

i had the most human reaction of recognising someone i knew and had to stop myself saying hi.

he just rushed past me.

Kat_

aud:

So sorry that you had to experience that. I also am sorry for the others here who went through it. It's so sad; the whole thought of it.

Kat

PS: You were most definitely NOT the lowlife in this scenario.

31

Which Disney Character are you most like?

by closer2fine in

jw
friends

just for fun!!!

my friend sent this to me.

http://disney.go.com/vacations/websites/100yom/secret/flash.html.

Kat_

<<Kat, in the original, un-disnified story Pinochio kills jimminy cricket>> --bboyneko

Well, Gee! That's just great! I really needed to know that, didn't I? Thanks a lot.

--Just Kidding

Kat

PS...still don't know how to quote from other posts so I did it the old fashioned way

29

Newbie in the house

by Stealth in

jw
friends

i have been lurking for a few months now.

the only reason that i have not posted until now is because of the paranoia that comes with being raised a jw.

my current status in the congregation is irregular, reaching out for the office of inactive.

A belated Welcome to Stealth and Sleepy from a fellow newbie! I was very hesitant to go to any XJW-related sites for a long time, for many reasons. But after I finally got up the courage to post, I immediately felt relief and happiness at the warm welcomes and support. And this bunch also has a killer sense of humor--a must in any situation!

Kat

31

Which Disney Character are you most like?

by closer2fine in

jw
friends

just for fun!!!

my friend sent this to me.

http://disney.go.com/vacations/websites/100yom/secret/flash.html.

Kat_

Jimminy Cricket! I always liked that little guy. :)

107

FATAL ASSUMPTIONS

by You Know in

jw
friends

jesus further related in the 15th chapter of john: "nevertheless, i have spoken these things to you that, when the hour for them arrives, you may remember i told them to you.

these things, however, i did not tell you at first, because i was with you.

so, the point is that jesus has not told his anointed ones certain things yet because the hour for them has not arrived.

Kat_

My post basically reiterates IW's earlier thoughts but I had to put my 2 cents in anyway. I am very new to this board and had, up until now, decided to keep my thoughts to myself on subjects which I feel I am not knowledgable or strong enough to debate. Call me a coward--call me passive...I don't know myself who or what I am. I am in the processing of trying to learn for myself what God is all about. All my life, until recently, I have been taught one way, the WT way. I was warned never to question or doubt, for that would be Satan's evil at work. I was warned that everyone on this Earth who was not a JW was, to put it simply, evil. Even after making the scary, troubling decision to officially 'open my eyes' to other possibilities, the one thing that kept creeping back into my mind was the fear that I was wrong and, therefore, evil...letting Satan take over my mind and heart. Even now, this nagging doubt has occasionally reared it's ugly head.
But I would like now to express my deepest gratitude to you, YouKnow. In just your thread of posts alone, I have seen that I was indeed correct in questioning the faith. By your own words you have actually helped me to feel better about this whole 'apostacy' thing; you have relieved much of my guilt about abandoning Jehovah. Because now I realize I didn't abandon God--I just abandoned the organization. The God I've been reading about is forgiving. He warns us not to judge one another. He teaches us humility. He teaches us that ALL of us are to love and be loved. We are to LOVE our enemies, as well. I sensed contempt and derision from you towards others on this board. You didn't just talk 'to' the other posters--you talked 'down' to them. I cannot sit here and claim to know the truth about anything. Who am I to presume to know the true plans of our Father? Who am I to set dates? Who am I to decide what is 'acceptable' in God's eyes? Who am I to shun a supposed sinner until they 'repent', when in actuality, their purity of heart and love of God may put my own well-meaning heart to shame? My goal since coming here was and still is not to judge anyone, only to learn what I can from others. I have seen much bickering on this board over doctrines and scriptures. I can't even get into those things because I have much to learn myself. The one reason I am posting on this thread, which I promised myself I wouldn't do, is because I feel I have to address the self-righteous, incredibly insulting way in which many current JW's are behaving. They are getting cockier by the minute and it saddens me. It's one thing to be proud of your faith and joyously proclaim your feelings to others...but it's quite another thing to go out into the world and say "I am right, you're wrong--I'll live, you'll die." Awful. The lack of humility is absolutely astonishing! And quite frightnening. I can't say all JW's are like this, though. There are many JW's whom I admire for their convictions and loving, humble dispositions. But I agree with Individuals Wife wholeheartedly; those negative, arrogant qualities found in todays posts are prevalent in the society.

Kat

PS: I resent you categorizing all 'apostates' into an immoral, sinful group. I try my hardest to be a righteous, loving person. Just because I lost faith in the organization it doesen't mean I am an evil person, as you would have us think. I didn't have any awful experience that made me turn away from the "Truth" so I bear no ill-will towards JW's. That would mean hating my own family, whom I love with all my heart. In fact, the one reason I don't want to face any of them is because I do not have it in me to put them down and insult them, as I know they will surely do to me. They are so good at debating and making a person feel inferior that it would be a losing battle for me. And, after I do find the strength and courage to come out with my true feelings, if my famiy decides to shun me, then so be it. I, on the other hand, will always be there for them, through thick and thin, no matter what.

20

Wife of Jehovahs Witness

by Totally lost in

hello, i married a wittness in 98. although i do not believe that way.

i thought that i would be able to deal with the religion.

but as it turns out, i can't.

Kat_

Hi Totally Lost:

I haven't much to say about the whole JW/nonJW conflict because I was the JW in my marriage, and even then I wasn't really going to meetings or letting it affect my daily life. So I haven't been in your position--but I think that everyone else who posted gave you the best advice...I've noticed that the people here are extremely intelligent and supportive--they've been there, done that.
All religion aside, I wanted to touch on the subject of you feeling depressed and also, along with others, offer support. I have been in a very similar situation and until recently felt totally, completely trapped in life. While I can't say I know what you are going through, I can tell you I have had the same exact sypmtoms/problems. I just wanted to let you know that YOU are the most important person in this conflict. Yes, we all know that naturally our kids are the priority, but don't you think the kids know that Mommy is miserable? They can sense it and would much rather see you happy. I am not telling you what to do--It's not my place to do anything but offer support. I just want to let you know that whatever you decide to do, whatever you think you should or shouldn't do; remember that, first and foremost, YOU take care of YOU. No decision will be 'wrong' as long as you feel it's what is best for you personally. If you feel you want someone to talk to (counselor, etc.), even if your husband doesn't want to go, then do it. You may find that just by really taking a good look at yourself, how much your happiness is really worth (I bet a lot more than you think!), you could have a lot of the answers. You are a wonderful woman for being willing to sacrifice so much. It can be a good thing...it shows selflessness and respect--but how much sacrifice? It should never cost you your self-respect and inner happiness. It's also a two way street. And maybe, just maybe, once your husband realizes that you've rediscovered your true spirit and have decided that you won't settle for anything less than what you deserve--he might gain a whole new perspective and his respect for you would increase ten-fold. I have since done this very thing and, while my marriage isn't perfect, I have a new outlook on life. I no longer feel trapped 'for the sake of the kids'. I am no longer thinking I am sticking around just out of guilt or responsibility. I am with him because I want to be--and that's the number one reason to do anything. My self-discovery wasn't always pretty and I discovered some things (tied into being raised a JW) that greatly affected my marriage. I faced those 'demons' (no pun intended), and I've since gained new respect for my husband and he for me. Okay, so you personally don't have those same exact issues but you have issues nonetheless. This is my main point. Respect yourself first and foremost and be honest with yourself--he may follow your example. I wish you the best.

-Kat

28

still resisting!

by Kat_ in

this is my first time on a message board relating to anything jw.

i haven't posted anything in the past because i still held to the fear that it would be betraying what i was taught, betraying my family, betraying god.

this is precisely my life as it is now.

Kat_

Just a quick note: Thanks again for the tremendous support. In the past 2 days through the chat and message boards I feel so much better than I did earlier. I truly am not alone...and that feels wonderful. For so long I thought I was evil and giving into Satan. I feel so much better. I feel relieved and excited. Okay, still a little scared but hey, better than I felt say, 5 years ago when I still believed wholeheartedly--that says something.

Thanks Again,
Kat

15

what's a boy to do?

by jonjonsimons in

jw
friends

hey all,.

i don't know if my karma is screwed up or what, because today just has not been my day.

first i got up this morning, logged on the board and the first post i read was that drivel from you know or who knows or whatever his/her name is.

Kat_

First off:
So terribly sorry to hear about your Mother. I am sorry, that's all I can say.

My Question:
Is it illegal for JW's to knock on apartment doors? I was wondering that because, since moving into an apartment a few years ago, I haven't once been 'knocked on'. I've sinced moved again, to another apartment, and still, no knocking. I am VERY thankful for this because I don't feel I have the guts to tell them to leave me alone in no uncertain terms (I've always been a passive type who never liked to speak strongly to anybody--perhaps that's why I hated door-to-door??? :-). Nor do I have the knowledge to intelligently debate with them over the Bible. I am still at that vulnerable "am I doing the right thing?" stage and fear that God forbid they come to the door, I'd become a sap and start getting sucked in again. This is one of the reasons that I am keeping hush-hush to my JW family about this; I fear they'd send the cavalry quicker than a blink to 'save me'...knowing them they'd call a local cong. and ask them to send a 'sister' to me...yikes. So, does anyone know if apartment knocking is done? I'd like to be prepared in some way should they come here....like not be home.

-Kat

28

still resisting!

by Kat_ in

this is my first time on a message board relating to anything jw.

i haven't posted anything in the past because i still held to the fear that it would be betraying what i was taught, betraying my family, betraying god.

this is precisely my life as it is now.

Kat_

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Hi again, IW! To Anne, I know exactly what you mean when it comes to the non-JW husband. Whenever my husband and I go through a 'rough patch', I try to talk to my family about it and it's always the same thing: "Pray to Jehovah"....No, no, you don't understand...how can I get him to...etc..."Pray to Jehovah"...but...."he's not in the truth and you'll always have problems so you just have to pray to Jehovah for him to see the light...then your marriage will be fine"...Gee, thanks, Mom. Nobody respected my marriage or my husband because they always thought of him as a "dumb non-believer" who was never worthy of me. They think I am stupid to have married him. They always said "Do you want to put your kids through that? Do you want your kids to grow up knowing their Daddy doesn't know the truth?" when trying to convince me not to marry him. Well, I've got 2 kids now and the only questions I asked myself were "Do I really want to raise my children the way I was raised? Do I want to raise my kids in the "Truth"?" No. Whenever I hear that I am responsible, that I will be the cause of their imminent demise I get scared. Then I get mad. How dare anybody presume to tell me I am killing my kids? Is God that unforgiving that He would let innocent little children die just because the parents are not 'believers'? I find that a hard pill to swallow. I have not officially 'come out' of the closet with my rejection of the organization...I am terrified of the repercussions. Will my Mother shun me? NO. I know she won't. But it will never, ever be the same. I will break her heart. It saddens me to think about it. The rest of my family will be the same. They won't 'shun' me in the literal sense...I was never baptized so I can't be punished the same way. They will just be a little colder to me...possibly...no definitely try to talk some sense into me. How much of an offensive on their part can I handle? I don't know yet. I have my father and brother behind me but they've never been my emotional support system...it's always been the others, the JW's. I am just plain scared at what the outcome of all this will be. So for now I am just playing the lazy inactive. They all think I am just not going to meetings because I am too tired or just need to be stronger in the faith. They are thinking that any day now, I will 'see the light' and realize I must go back immediately. I feel so awful and dishonest for not coming out with my true feelings but I don't feel strong enough, or knowledgable for that matter, to intelligently debate them...they are one strong, persistant group of people with an answer for everything--so arrogant in their belief. My Father related to me something someone once said: "Jesus himself could not convince a Jehovah's Witness". Well...I think it's funny.

~Kat

28

still resisting!

by Kat_ in

this is my first time on a message board relating to anything jw.

i haven't posted anything in the past because i still held to the fear that it would be betraying what i was taught, betraying my family, betraying god.

this is precisely my life as it is now.

Kat_

Hello! This is my first time on a message board relating to anything JW. I haven't posted anything in the past because I still held to the fear that it would be betraying what I was taught, betraying my family, betraying God. This is precisely my life as it is now. I was raised as a JW from birth. I never got baptized and stopped going to meetings about 8 years ago. But until about 2 years ago, I never actually went so far as to seriously doubt or research anything. I just stopped thinking about God. My life bacame empty. I knew at that point that while I was unhappy with the JW's, I still wanted God in my life. So I started thinking I would just 'find' a new religion. It was really a half-hearted experiment that I never made public (my family would have a fit!). Everytime I walked into a church I'd get this eerie, guilty feeling ("Satan controls other religions, they are evil"...I was taught). I would walk right back out and think, "No, I have the Truth". So for 2 more years, I held to the unquestionable belief of the JW's. Then about a week ago something inside me, I don't know what, it just hit me. Next thing I know I am on the internet reading all of the things about the WTBTS and JW's that I was never, ever told. Do you know that I never, ever knew who translated the NWT? I never realized it was even different! I was told it was just translated into modern language by a huge, scholarly committee, but that nothing was changed! I read about Russell and Rutherford, etc. I read about ex-JW's experiences. It was like a movie scene...the poor unsuspecting woman has her whole world turned upside down in the blink of an eye. But then I realized...none of this upset me as much as I thought. In fact, these new realizations made me excited! It was then, at that moment, that I realized that I'd known for quite some time that I wanted to 'get out' but kept on being ignorant for fear of losing my family, my only way of life, etc. I needed this little 'kick' to open my eyes. I had never really allowed myself to be on the outside looking in--I was always told that Satan would be responsible for any doubt or self-searching...that I shouldn't give in to doubt. Always had those shades over my eyes. Now, a week later, after many, many hours of reading and comparing Biblical scriptures, I can honestly say that I am past the 'doubting' period and into the learning period (re-learning the bible as it was written). But here's the problem...I cannot seem to move on! While one half of me says that there is no question about my new decision, the other half is saying "oh, you've done it now...you've betrayed Jehovah and betrayed your family...Satan has you now"...it's so illogical but I can't help it! I am a very spiritual person by nature. Even as an active JW I would always get goose-bumps and feel awe when hearing stories about miracles and guardian angels...(My dad, who was never a JW, told me wonderful and, true-to-him, stories). I know that I haven't lost my faith...just the doctrines of the JW's. I am hesitant to bring up this subject because I don't know how many ex-JW's are practising religion or faith of any kind. The few I have spoken to have either lost faith altogether or believe that church of any kind is corrupt and unneccessary. I don't fit either category. I still believe in Him, utterly and completely. I still want to openly worship Him. But I don't know who, exactly, He is anymore. I can't even pray properly--I keep slipping up--saying Jehovah--then apologizing...I am so messed up. Is there anyone out there who never lost faith in God even after realizing that JW's were way off base? How in the world were you able to cleanse your mind and start again? Every time I read a scripture which I think I have understood, I go back to thinking "what do I know?" "who am I to interpret this?". My self confidence in finding my way on my own is shattered. Out of respect for the group---I am not looking for someone to tell me what religion to join, or that I shouldn't join any religion. That is solely up to me and I don't wish to cause debates among the group. I hope I have not offended you as a whole due to my defensiveness in that last remark. It's just that I am so tired of watching my family knock down any organization that is not JW--I am tired of people telling me that every other religion out there is evil...I just don't buy it. I want to make up my own mind--I am coming here for help because I can't clear my mind enough to even consider other things. That's where I need help. I am still resisting basic things that, while they are as clear as day in the Bible, I can't seem to grasp. I keep thinking back to my Mother saying that only the JW's interpretation is right. No one else's.
Anyone out there who has been in my shoes? It's only been about a week since I really opened my mind, but my newly-found determination and excitement is neverending. I feel like I've been given a chance to start fresh, to be happy and fulfilled, at last...but why am I so uncomfortable at the thought of 'betraying' the JW's? The thought of actually going to a church frightens me to death! It's considered a major sin in my family. I am fighting it tooth and nail for some unknown reason. I wish I could just wake up one morning with a clean slate.

~Kat

Kat_

Posts by Kat_