Hello and welcome, marriedtoajw!
you said
I lost my best friend and I feel lonlier. Turns out, that person may never have really existed and what she is now, she's always really been
I'm a non-jw who watched my brother's marriage deteriorate as his wife got deeper into the cult. (before this, I'd seen jws as a bit odd but harmless). Their children suffered, although both parents did their best in their own ways. The real culprit is the cult; it forbids any compromise with "worldlies" and so constantly challenges and stresses the mixed marriage.
I'm very sorry for what you're going through. But at least you can give your children a different perspective, a proper education and some critical thinking skills. Through you they may escape the jw future of limited education, pioneering , ead-end jobs and fear of anyone outside the jws.
Best wishes for your future!