Posts by TimeBandit

36

Do You Consider Yourself Religious? Do You Believe In God? Are You Spiritual?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i do not consider myself religious in any way.

i do believe in "god" and i think i am a spiritual person to some degree.. what about you?.

How did you leave?

by stuckinamovement in

jw
friends

once you realized the organization is simply a religious corporation, how did you leave?.

did you fade?.

were you forced out?.

TimeBandit

The wife and I disassociated last summer....

45

Corny Joke Thread

by MrFreeze in

here's the corny joke thread.

post your favorite corny joke thread.

that means no quality jokes!

TimeBandit

Your mamma is so fat, the only way to get her out of that telephone booth is to grease her up and throw a twinkie in the street...

14

I killed some Green Beans!

by TimeBandit in

jw
friends

hi folks!

i went out tonight and did a little night shooting, then i cleaned my gun and put it back together.

i killed a can of green giant green beans, a jar of beets (i hate beets), and i took out a baking pan!

TimeBandit

I've killed green beans with my bare hands. That's the kind of tough sonofabitch I am.
Yeah, one time I strangled some asparagus. As for the kids on Africa, they don't even know whar green beans are I bet. Now, If I had killed some rice, that might have been a waste.

10

Farewell

by DagothUr in

jw
friends

since my time is limited, i have decided to leave this forum and jwtalk.

yes, dismal bliss, i have more than one account on your stupid forum.. jehovah-witnesses.net is gigantic and very active and will make an impact on the borganization, no doubt.

it is also a free forum, one on which everyone may speak freely, like bozos as obves or larsinger.

TimeBandit

He'll always be and ex-JW and remember the borg....Even if it's just in nightmares. Good luck buddy.

14

I killed some Green Beans!

by TimeBandit in

jw
friends

hi folks!

i went out tonight and did a little night shooting, then i cleaned my gun and put it back together.

i killed a can of green giant green beans, a jar of beets (i hate beets), and i took out a baking pan!

TimeBandit

good shooting hopefully not at us wild Billy Goats?

Naw, I don't shoot at goats, only green beans and such...

14

I killed some Green Beans!

by TimeBandit in

jw
friends

hi folks!

i went out tonight and did a little night shooting, then i cleaned my gun and put it back together.

i killed a can of green giant green beans, a jar of beets (i hate beets), and i took out a baking pan!

Hi folks! I went out tonight and did a little night shooting, then I cleaned my gun and put it back together. I killed a can of Green Giant Green Beans, a jar of beets (I hate beets), and I took out a baking pan! Damn if felt so good!

259

The Two Forces

by N.drew in

the ark pictures the response to one kind.. it means the customs of the people can cause catastrophe.. and most people did not stop the destructive behavior , but some used it to be redeemed.. .

sodom pictures the other kind.. it means the people respond badly to the intuitive recognition that doom is ahead.. .

in one case what the people are doing causes something bad.

TimeBandit

[ Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch ]
King Arthur : How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot : I know not, my liege.
King Arthur : Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard : Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric : [ reading ] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard : Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric : And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard : Amen.
All : Amen.
King Arthur : Right. One... two... five.
Galahad : Three, sir.
King Arthur : Three.

The Dead Collector : Bring out yer dead.
[ a man puts a body on the cart ]
Large Man with Dead Body : Here's one.
The Dead Collector : That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector : What?
Large Man with Dead Body : Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector : 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body : Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not.
The Dead Collector : He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body : Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body : No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector : Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body : Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector : I can't take him.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Body : Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Collector : I can't.
Large Man with Dead Body : Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Collector : I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Body : Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Collector : Thursday.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Body : You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I feel happy. I feel happy.
[ the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club ]
Large Man with Dead Body : Ah, thank you very much.
The Dead Collector : Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Body : Right.

Sir Bedevere : There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1 : Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere : Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1 : Burn them.
Sir Bedevere : And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1 : More witches.
Peasant 2 : Wood.
Sir Bedevere : Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3 : ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere : Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1 : Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere : But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1 : Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere : Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1 : No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere : No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1 : Bread.
Peasant 2 : Apples.
Peasant 3 : Very small rocks.
Peasant 1 : Cider.
Peasant 2 : Gravy.
Peasant 3 : Cherries.
Peasant 1 : Mud.
Peasant 2 : Churches.
Peasant 3 : Lead! Lead!
King Arthur : A Duck.
Sir Bedevere : ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1 : If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere : And therefore...
Peasant 2 : ...A witch!

20

Why I hate religion, but I love Jesus

by lostandconfused in

jw
friends

.

TimeBandit

Bacon is for anybody who can afford to buy it. I can no longer afford to buy in to the concept of jesus, but I CAN afford bacon! Nothing burps like bacon...

20

Why I hate religion, but I love Jesus

by lostandconfused in

jw
friends

.

TimeBandit

'Jesus' has allowed some pretty heinous shit to happen in his name. He's not much different than his daddy, the pscychopath god of the hebrew scriptures...Plus, he grew up hating bacon, I LOVE bacon, not Jesus.