Posts by headisspinning

71

Sex at 14?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

hello all.... some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary.... last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a jw.

we laboured over telling his jw dad all week.

well, on friday night he finally came clean.. but in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon.

headisspinning

I totally agree Yknot... I believe there is a whole lot missing at home. This girl has more facial piercings than my son can count... don't get me wrong, I think piercings can be cool... but it really makes me question her parents for allowing their daughter to do that at such an early age.
I would guess they are either very permissive or just not around and uninvolved.

I know very little about the family - my son told me she is native which isn't a problem in itself. But what concerns me is that he said she comes from a rough family. There are many rough native families where we live and sadly many of the common issues include extreme alcoholism and child abuse.
I am not judging this girl either - but I am alarmed and I hope that my son isn't getting himself into a real disaster here. Our city is plagued with social issues - many families come straight of reserves and are not equipped for the change in lifestyle.

The suggestion of a family counselor is great. I will speak with my own therapist and see if there's someone he can suggest.

Thank you.

71

Sex at 14?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

hello all.... some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary.... last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a jw.

we laboured over telling his jw dad all week.

well, on friday night he finally came clean.. but in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon.

headisspinning

We are very worried because this object of his affection comes from a rough family - he told me that himself. And I don't believe she has been truthful with him at all about her past experience. Far from innocent - let's just put it that way.

I really like the advice of helping him to fully understand the potential repercussions for his actions. I think an evening alone with his baby brother of 9 months would be an excellent eye opener for my little Don Juan!
He knows this girl has an unstable home life so I wonder how he feels about being a single daddy at age 14?

Thanks guys!

71

Sex at 14?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

hello all.... some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary.... last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a jw.

we laboured over telling his jw dad all week.

well, on friday night he finally came clean.. but in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon.

headisspinning

Oh man - you guys are so supportive! Thank you!

My son's father and I had a long talk about the situation and we have agreed to work together.
Although, we disagree on a whole lot, we don't want to lose our son.

We agreed the worst thing to happen is for him to decide he doesn't want to live at home (either my home or his father's).
Too many kids leave the JWs and end up kicked out of the house or run away because they can't take what's going on at home.

My ex is actually being quite reasonable which I am surprised at.
He already said our son doesn't have to go in field service or be on the TMS.
He is still thinking over whether he will force the issue of meetings/FW night.

He is also working out a reasonable curfew with our son and is going to allow some association with his school friends.
He's not sure how much, but he knows that tightening his grip is the worst thing he can do.

:) Julia

71

Sex at 14?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

hello all.... some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary.... last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a jw.

we laboured over telling his jw dad all week.

well, on friday night he finally came clean.. but in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon.

headisspinning

Well, he has condoms, he assured me. So I just told him that i need time to think and in the meantime to USE them.

Besides that I'm just trying not to let my emotions rule!

71

Sex at 14?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

hello all.... some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary.... last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a jw.

we laboured over telling his jw dad all week.

well, on friday night he finally came clean.. but in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon.

headisspinning

Hello all...

Some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary...

Last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a JW. We laboured over telling his JW dad all week. Well, on Friday night he finally came clean.
But in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon. (They have been dating for three weeks!)

We are all in total shock and never saw this coming.
So on the one hand, we're dealing with him telling his dad he doesn't want to be a witness... but now we are dealing with this whole sex thing.

And quite honestly... we were not expecting this and are ill equipped to deal with it.

If you thought my head was spinning before, think about his unique Mother's Day gift: finding out your 14 year old 'baby' is sexually active.

So... any thoughts on how to deal with this? So far, I've been playing it cool.
There has been talk he might move in here but what can I do? I mean, I'm not willing to allow for a free for all.

Religion or not, this is happening way too fast - but I have no real idea of how to deal with this.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Ideas?

Aye yi yi!

PS. This is the boy who was made a publisher about a month ago as well!

31

Pinch me. Am I Dreaming?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

i can't even believe what's happened.

i'm really in shock.. without any warning i got an email from my son yesterday afternoon.

"ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i have decided i no longer want to be a jehovah's witness.

headisspinning

A big apology for the delay in updating you all on our story.

We just moved this weekend with no help - we're disfellowshipped after all!
So, it was pretty stressful and this is really the first chance I've had.

I had a really great talk with my son on Friday. He was very open with me and I was open with him.

He said he's really been thinking about things for some time now and a JW girl at school went and told his dad that he has a worldly girlfriend without even approaching him.
It's not true at all and his dad accused him of lying. He said it was sort of a last straw for him and he's not going to be looking over his shoulder at school when he hasn't even done anything wrong.

He said that until now he has tried to live honestly as a JW. That this is not about wanting to do 'bad things' and that he will always try to be a 'good kid'.

It's just that the religion has never done a thing for him and he really has never believed it.

He said at this point all he really knows is he doesn't believe in evolution - he thinks that theory is ridiculous. But beyond that he's not sure right now.

He also said that 80% of the stress and anxiety in his life comes from being a JW.

He wanted to tell his dad on Sunday but is hesitating because they had plans on the weekend and he doesn't want to ruin it for everyone.

I explained that there will never be an ideal time and the longer he waits will only prolong the agony.

The last he's really said is that even if he doesn't tell his father right away, he wants to get out of there because they have been arguing a lot and life is very tense there.

I'm just trying to be supportive and nor add to his stress but still try to get him out of there asap.

And I agree - I think it's best if he comes and lives here too and I am encouraging him to do that.

Thanks to all of you!

31

Pinch me. Am I Dreaming?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

i can't even believe what's happened.

i'm really in shock.. without any warning i got an email from my son yesterday afternoon.

"ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i have decided i no longer want to be a jehovah's witness.

headisspinning

Thanks everyone. This has really shocked me. I will let you know what happens after our talk today.

I am going to take it really slow with him and just listen to his thoughts without influencing him with mine at this point.

Then we'll see where to go from here.

I'm not ready to expose him to this site at this point but we'll see what develops.

:) HIS

31

Pinch me. Am I Dreaming?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

i can't even believe what's happened.

i'm really in shock.. without any warning i got an email from my son yesterday afternoon.

"ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i have decided i no longer want to be a jehovah's witness.

headisspinning

That's a very good point JLP - thanks. I will keep that in mind.

I feel like more than my head is spinning these days - more like my whole world!

31

Pinch me. Am I Dreaming?

by headisspinning in

jw
friends

i can't even believe what's happened.

i'm really in shock.. without any warning i got an email from my son yesterday afternoon.

"ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i have decided i no longer want to be a jehovah's witness.

headisspinning

I can't even believe what's happened. I'm really in shock.

Without any warning I got an email from my son yesterday afternoon. He's 14:

"Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I have decided I no longer want to be a Jehovah's Witness. I know this is coming as a shock to you, but I realized I have never really believed it. Please don't feel like it is somehow your or Dad's fault. I'm just making my own choice. I understand the consequences of what I'm doing, but my mind is made up.
I have not told Dad yet and I honestly don't know how, but I anticipate that things are going to get very... Bad. Please don't mention anything about this to him unless I say it is ok. If I need to, could I stay with you for a while?"

He has the day off school today so I'm going to pick him up so we can talk and I can find out where this is coming from. I already talked to my sister and she has offered for him to stay with her if it comes to it since she doesn't want me getting blamed for this. This is all just as much a shock to me as it will be to anyone.

So far, I have just assured him that he has our love and support no matter what and that I have always wanted him to have the freedom to decide for himself. I told him not to worry and that we would get through this together and we will talk about how to deal with the situation with his father.

13

Can You Explain This? (Blood)

by headisspinning in

i don't understand why the wt puts so much time and effort into informing people about the intricacies of blood transfusions and fractions, but they don't really focus attention on the dietary side of not eating blood.

because it was clearly a dietary restriction in the bible and maybe not so clearly in regard to blood transfusions (i'm still pondering this part).. is that ever discussed with bible studies or prior to baptism?

it seems to me that if the command to 'abstain from blood' is so important that people will put their life on the line over it, then shouldn't very clear direction be spelling out in detail about what foods are okay to eat and what foods aren't?

headisspinning

Thanks Pirata. I am copying this into a Word document to research later. I appreciate it.