ok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
confusedandalone -
I had a similar experience with an elder's daughter after my Bethel stay. She also had huge boobs by the way and could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. (What is it with ex-Bethelites and big boobs anyway?)
Ended up marrying her... bad decision.
Just be glad you dodged that bullet and were free to find your true love. It could have been worse. You could still be stuck with her.
i am very interested in hearing from people who really think that people with tattoos are somehow weird or cagey individuals.
i would just like to get your outlook on this matter.
today i was in a grocery store and i sawe this guy with his two kids and his wife shopping.
I don't wear the same style of clothes or hair style now as I did years ago. I don't like the same music either. I don't like the same cars. My tastes change. It's not a "maturity" issue either, it's just change.
That said, I personally shudder at the thought of marking my body permanently for a whim I have today. It's just too high a chance that I'll change my feelings about it later and won't be able to undo it. So tatoos have always been out of the question for me.
On other people however... well, it depends on the person and the tatoo. But I don't have to live with it so I don't give it much thought nor care all that much either way.
alright.
let's have the ultimate discussion on "higher education.
" let's talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Scotoma,
Heartbreaking.
A cautionary tale.
This almost happened to me, but once at Bethel I woke up and decided to leave there in order to go to college. Even though I was "punished" for doing that, I didn't care. It turned out to be the right thing to do, but I wasn't 100% sure of that at the time.
Someday I would like to write your story, or at least, write the story of the many people like you who have lost their meaning of life. I'm heartbroken and pissed off about this now...
Brock Talon
alright.
let's have the ultimate discussion on "higher education.
" let's talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Good thread.
I agree with those folks who say that college isn't for everyone, but I think it can work if you know what your field is going to be and not just flail around at getting simply any kind of degree. I don't think a very expensive college education is necessarily the way to go either, unless your family is well connected. It doesn't have to be a Masters or Phd though, because I think a degree should be a means to an end (getting work, starting a career) and not an end in itself (just collecting degrees).
I also don't think that, "higher education" has to be just university studies either. Why can't it mean junior college, trade schools, on the job training, self study, and so on?
In the end though, the saying "knowledge is power" is often true, so I try to keep my education going even now, many, many years after I finished with formal college.
AAWA published my rumination on this subject here: http://aawa.co/blog/im-proud-i-went-to-college/
Brock Talon
after waking up and wanting to get out of this nightmare, the word apostate is really bothering me.
if i quitely become inactive, fade away will i just be looked at as "always weak".
i want to scream out how big a fool i was.. and now telling my poor young daughter how wrong i was to bring her up as a jw.
Angus Beef,
When you "miss those meetings" or perhaps miss the JW people you've left behind, you are actually experiencing Stockholmn Syndrome. I experienced it myself. This is often associated with the emotional “bonding” with captors (like in a hostage situation or a kidnapping) but it can exist in any abusive situations such as:
This "apostate" labeling is just another tactic to keep you in their clutches. Don't fall for it and don't worry about it. It has no power that you don't give it.
Personally, I did the "slow nonconfrontational fade" myself. This allows me to keep in contact with the JWs in my life on my own terms. I'm meeting an old JW friend this weekend for beers for example. I'll be "witnessing" to him by dropping subtle hints and clues about his own hostage situation he doesn't realize he's in. If I get too flagrant about my feelings, it will spook him. I care about these people so I don't want to make them run away. I know for example he's very curious as to why I'm so happy with my "worldly" wife and my "worldly" friends and my travel intensive "wordly" job. How could I possibly be happy when I'm so "weak in the Truth"?
Well, I want to give him a chance to find out and getting in his face and telling him he's in a cult is not the way to do it. It wouldn't have worked for me when I was in.
Brock Talon
.....said the exiting jw.. this jw saw it all, the games, the politics.
oh, and how this quality of "humility" was used as an anvil to keep, not just your actions in line, but your thoughts and feelings as well.. the leadership of jw's is an extremely talented bunch.
they know exactly how to reframe concepts to their own ends.. so, once you have your awakening, and you leave, and you remember how often you were symbolically on your knees all the time, you say "never again!".
William,
Such sad and yet true words you spoke: "I find myself actually caring about people now..."
It's frightening to belong to a group your whole life that claims itself to be the "true religion" with "true Christians" that have "brotherly love" and a "spiritual paradise" yet come to realize in middle age that you never really gave a damn about people at all. Not really.
It was only once I freed my mind from the Watchtower nonsense that I could say what you said: "I find myself actually caring about people now..."
And yes AllTimeJeff, I try to say that with "real humility", acknowledging that I was at one time one of those "arrogant pricks" myself...
I still have lots to learn though on how to actually behave, but at least I'm on a better path...
Brock Talon
i am just watching my neighbours across the road putting up christmas lights while their children run around bursting with excitement.
i am feeling all christmassy now.
can't wait for my daughter to come home from uni next weekend so we can go and buy a tree from the garden centre.
Love it!
.....said the exiting jw.. this jw saw it all, the games, the politics.
oh, and how this quality of "humility" was used as an anvil to keep, not just your actions in line, but your thoughts and feelings as well.. the leadership of jw's is an extremely talented bunch.
they know exactly how to reframe concepts to their own ends.. so, once you have your awakening, and you leave, and you remember how often you were symbolically on your knees all the time, you say "never again!".
AllTimeJeff,
I love this post. Well said and profound. It has many points that I've been trying to formulate in my own head for some time. This helped me validate some of them.
Brock Talon
i was angry with my kid for questioning me.
i work, i pay the bills, i provide food, clothing and shelter for them.
instead of respect, i get attitude.
Data-Dog,
When your child grows up, how he remember you?
How will he treat you when you are old and possibly helpless and in need yourself?
Will he treat you like you are treating him?
Probably.
before i dive into the actual write-up of this experience, let me put some things straight.. i have thought long and hard if i should write more about my experiences during the 10+ years at different branches.
during these years i worked from financial department, service department, home office and different it assignments.
as you can imagine one sees and hears and reads a lot of stuff going through different stations in different countries.
BluePill2
I cannot WAIT for "True Stories from the Tower - Part 2"....
Awesome job my friend.
Brock Talon
