I'm a new arrival here compared to you.
My sympathy regarding the loss of your wife. My wife and I both have had some serious health issues and thus we have talked about that "inevitable event". We've even acquired cemetery plots. It all still seems a little surreal since for all of our lives we were told (and I guess believed) that we would live forever. Of course, we were also told we would never start school, or graduate from school, or get married, or have children (in this system of things). Yet, all of these things have come to pass and now we have grandchildren. So, I suppose somewhere along the way we already had some doubts about the other promises ie, living forever.
I would find it interesting if you shared a little of your "story" and I think other Newbies would as well, How is it that you showed up here 21 years ago? What was that first doubt or first event that opened the floodgates of TTATT?
The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!
Hopefully you've gotten your "revenge".