Lari

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Posts by Lari

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  29

  My wife's anxiety, guilt

  by ashitaka in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my wife has been depressed each time we see our jw friends.

  she doesn't want to see them anymore, because it reminds her of what she left behind, and it makes her feel bad.. i've offered to go back to meetings for a while to help her break away.

  she never wants to go back, but her guilt and anger make her so uncomfortable around active jw's.....it's really bothering her.. any good books out there on breaking away from controlling organizations, especially concentrating on keeping the friendships but not the allegiance to the organization in question?

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  Lari

  Ashi-
  This is such a tough time for you and your wife - I think most of us here understand that. All I can say is It does get better.

  The idea of going back to school is a great one. While part of the org I felt like that wasnt really an option. You know the old "if you time for school you should have more time for service". Now I take one class at a time (slow I know) and hope to take on more as time progresses. I'm still learning to embrace the things that were not encouraged as a witness. College, vacations without guilt over missed meetings, making friends with anyone I choose, humming Christmas songs without fear of being overheard.

  The idea that Mrs. anxiety is due to "leaving Jehovah behind" is far fetched. It's the people we leave behind that hurt us. It's the loss of those Human relationships that we mourn. In my case, the last entity I feared when leaving was Jah. I figured, if he's really there and can see into my soul - he knows how this decision kills me and that I completely believe it to be right - hell, I prayed about it and here I am.

  Good luck, let your wife know that it's ok to grieve and that she's not alone.
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  4

  dogpatchs new religion?

  by happy man in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have reade some of you agressiv atacks on jw, and i have a qestion to you, what are your new religion, .

  and what are your religion say to you about going auot inn war, and what did it say about where you come where you die.

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  Lari

  Absolutely Ash

  Personally, after being fed all the WTBTS Baloney I need a break!

  It's going to be a long time, if ever, until I jump into the arms of another religion.
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  31

  Who are still in and who has left the JW Org? Why?

  by STRUGGLE in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  good morning!.

  hi was just wondering who are still active in the organization and do you have doubts?

  those of you who have left, briefly what made you leave, do you have any regrets, and was it hard making new friends?.

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  Lari

  I have been DFed since about May 2000. I had stopped going to meeting for several months. Then my sister suspected I had a boyfriend and was having sex. She approached me and asked me to come clean with the elders. Her Conscience was killing her but she didn't want to go behind my back. I went ahead and called an elder, said - hey Im living with my boyfriend, do what you need to do.

  I wasnt living with him at the time but it seemed like a good definitive sin. 'Cause just sex might be something I could stop right away. I refused to meet with them. I had made my decision and that was it. I do now realize that I should have made a more gradual escape and faded to black. Oh well.

  I left because I was tired of never measuring up. No matter what I did to devote myself, they org wanted more. There seemed to always be something else I could give up for "Jehovah's Service". College, Kids, Career, People, TV... I'm all for bettering oneself but geez!

  Its still hard. I am very slowly making friends, the real kind who you dont have to fear will rat you at at the earliest opportunity.

  Hooray for Real Life.
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  3

  JW Family

  by jschwehm in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we had an interesting day yesterday.

  my wife was snowed in so she stayed home from work yesterday.

  (i live within walking distance of the university where i teach so i had to work yesterday).

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  Lari

  Jeff -
  I feel for you and your wife. But I'm also a little jealous. To have connected with the non-JW part of your family is awsome. I have a few family members that are not JW but I hardly know them.

  My family also seems to be ok with me as long as I am a "lost sheep". Then they can shed tears and pray about me. But if I become and Apostate - watch out. It is a source of constant amazement to me that JWs are able to create so many fine lines in the conscience. You just never know when you are about to cross one.

  Good luck.
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  23

  A question to people born in the Borg*

  by Abaddon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  * that anyone can respond to even if they weren't born in, or even if they never were in the borg.

  the question is;.

  "when do you first remember realising that you were a jw, and that the rest of the world wasn't?!.

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  Lari

  I think it was during my first year of school - While chanting in a dull monotone "It's against my religion".

  My parents were not as bad as some - If someone gave me a Bday gift they didn't make me give it back. All I had to do is say. "You know I dont celebrate birthdays BUT if this is just a friendship gift..." Then snatch it out of their hands and run.

  Ahh, those warm childhood memories. Where's the vodka.
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  59

  Guilt over Self-Pleasuring as a Dub. You?

  by Lari in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'm wondering if any of you suffered major guilt over getting yourself off while a dub.

  or did you all manage to abstain until you left?

  i know it was one of the main reasons i left.

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  Lari

  I'm glad to know I wasnt the only one naive enough to go to the Elders for help.

  I read the Young People chapter, tossed all my snug jeans and everything. Damn - now I want em' back!
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  59

  Guilt over Self-Pleasuring as a Dub. You?

  by Lari in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'm wondering if any of you suffered major guilt over getting yourself off while a dub.

  or did you all manage to abstain until you left?

  i know it was one of the main reasons i left.

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  Lari

  No, I was not that young girl.
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  59

  Guilt over Self-Pleasuring as a Dub. You?

  by Lari in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'm wondering if any of you suffered major guilt over getting yourself off while a dub.

  or did you all manage to abstain until you left?

  i know it was one of the main reasons i left.

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  Lari

  Hindsight and all - I realize that going to the Elders was a stupid thing. But I was "spiritually ill" and I was trying to go by the book. Guess what? A couple months later it was announced that one of the elders I met with was DFed - I mean, he faked some docs and got himself back into a cong, as an elder even. But then ran off with some young girl.

  So, hmm. maybe he did get a little too excited.
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  59

  Guilt over Self-Pleasuring as a Dub. You?

  by Lari in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'm wondering if any of you suffered major guilt over getting yourself off while a dub.

  or did you all manage to abstain until you left?

  i know it was one of the main reasons i left.

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  Lari

  I'm wondering if any of you suffered major guilt over getting yourself off while a Dub. Or did you all manage to abstain until you left? I know it was one of the main reasons I left. I was one hell of a horny teen-ager and felt like all the work I did in the Cong was for nothing once I gave in to my baser instincts. I got tired of trying to balance the scales. Do bad, repent, do good to make up for it. Yikes.

  2 Years ago, at age 20, I even went to the elders about it. I mean I was seriously trying to be devout. Was I the only one who was awash in guilt over this?
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  43

  Mother, wife, myself, DA'ing ourselves

  by ashitaka in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well, i've finally had it.

  i'm da'ing myself, along with a piece of my fam.

  the unbaptised ones are refusing to go with my father now, and even my still devout father is leaning towards our opinion on things.. there wasn't even any screaming when i called the jw's the great hypocrisy last nite.. i just can allow myself to be associated with them in any way.

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  Lari

  Wow, that's one hell of a letter! I wish I had know about this place before I showed em' my ass and let them boot me out.

  Ash, rebuilding a life is hard work but OH SO worth it. It's great to make a life that is really all yours - built out of your personal choices and opinions.

  I really admire you for the love and support you are showing your wife. Best of luck and love.

  Yeah, like Larry but I'm a GIRL...