Posts by Lari

7

Do shepherding calls help? my experience

by nightwing02 in

jw
friends

first i must start off by saying my wife and i have not attended meetings in awhile,so i knew that was the main point of the visit.when the two elders arrived at my home they were both happy and smiling.i told them how i was deeply depressed over the death of my best friend,and granfather,and the guilt i felt of not visiting and calling them much.i talked to my best friend a day before he died he seemed fine,but the next day he died of a heart attack.i also told them how i had become istant from my wife.they asked if i told hyer i loved her everyday and i replied no.and 1 of the elders said well remember what happened with your best friend,the same can happen with your wife,i felt that was a cold statement.but basically what they told us go to the meetings,and go out in field service 1 brother i felt did have some kind of compassion,the other who came in smiling looked like he was disgusted with me.i dont know i feel just as empty before they came i think i will see a therapist.

Lari

Nightwing, welcome to the board. I haven't been here very long but I love it.
JW Shepherding calls, hmmm. Brings to mind images of cattle prods more than Christ's gentle yoke. The elders themselves are only partly to blame. How can they be expected to do any real counseling when they are just Average Joes? The Society certainly doesn't spend any of it's resources teaching them how to be more compassionate.
Grieving is a complex process and everyone deals with it differently. Going to see a Licensed Counselor sounds like a great idea.
Feeling distant from your wife may be part of your grieving - again, a counselor can help you work through your feelings, without making demands that only drain you in the end. If the cost of a counselor is too much most metropolitan areas have crisis hotlines. Just talking to someone who doesn't judge you against the rigid WTS code might help.

Hope to see you here often.

5

Studying all over again

by ozziepost in

jw
friends

ana raised a very moot point on an earlier thread and so i thought i'd bring it up for discussion.

(see, ana, i don't always go back to where i last was!!!).

anyway, the points made were these:.

Lari

I have put very little if any effort into studying up on my "apostate" views. I just don't know if it is worth all the extra effort. Also, we all know (if you were JW) its one thing to "fall out of the truth" and quite another to be and apostate.

I did read Crisis of Conscience - I did that shortly after I left and believe me, it cured my guilt over leaving.

10

Check this site out and tell me what you think!

by SYN in

jw
friends

http://www.thetruthforyouth.com .

i didn't know whether to laugh or to cry myself.... "i see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone.

" -- charles darwin, the origin of species, 1869.

Lari

I dont have flash at work so I couldn't see much of anything. Sorry, Syn, I will try when I get home.

118

Average age of apostates survey.

by sleepy in

jw
friends

i thought it might be a good idea to find out at what age or after how long we descided to leave the watchtower.. prehaps we my find a patern in it which we could use .. i think what we need to know are ,.

1.age you left the watchtower.

(or age you found out it was wrong).

Lari

Ok, I ever willing to help the apostate cause...

Brought Up JW-3rd Generation
Babtized 12
Left 20 (DF 21)

19

Education Issues.......Help!

by ISP in

jw
friends

i was out last night with a jw but who is not attending.

he is in his early 30s, is on his second marriage but now separated.

i've known him for 15 yrs or so.

Lari

Thank you all for the great info. I think about going back to school quite a bit but usually chicken out. I let myself believe it's to expensive or hard or whatever. Reading what you have to say is very encouraging.

I think I will take Valis advice and go slow.

Best of luck to your friend

22

My article was published

by RunningMan in

jw
friends

much to my surprize, i received an e-mail from a webzine this morning, telling me that one of my articles was published.

they must be very hard up for material.. it is on the subject of "the women of the bible".

it outlines some of the gender discrimination of the bible, and highlights a few inconsistancies in some of the bible stories that mention women.. if anyone is interested, it can be found at: http://www.liberator.net/.

Lari

RunningMan, I really admire the work you put into your articles. Sometimes I wish I had really well researched reasons for my opinions. But I just dont have the patience it takes.

Keep up the good work

22

My article was published

by RunningMan in

jw
friends

much to my surprize, i received an e-mail from a webzine this morning, telling me that one of my articles was published.

they must be very hard up for material.. it is on the subject of "the women of the bible".

it outlines some of the gender discrimination of the bible, and highlights a few inconsistancies in some of the bible stories that mention women.. if anyone is interested, it can be found at: http://www.liberator.net/.

Lari

Hi Runningman. Congratulations - that was a great article!

I have a questions though:
The third year of the reign of king Ahasuerus was 484 B.C. Now, let’s get the age of Esther, calculated through her uncle and step father, Mordecai.
“Now there was a Jew in Susa the capital whose name was Mor'decai, the son of Ja'ir, son of Shim'e-i, son of Kish, a Benjaminite, who had been carried away from Jerusalem among the captives carried away with Jeconi'ah king of Judah, whom Nebuchadnez'zar king of Babylon had carried away. He had brought up Hadas'sah, that is Esther, the daughter of his uncle, for she had neither father nor mother; the maiden was beautiful and lovely, and when her father and her mother died, Mor'decai adopted her as his own daughter.” - Esther 2:5-7

How do we know they refer to Mordecai as being the Benjamite and not Kish? It seems to read either way. I am not a scholar by any means and am just curious. Thanks

29

My wife's anxiety, guilt

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

my wife has been depressed each time we see our jw friends.

she doesn't want to see them anymore, because it reminds her of what she left behind, and it makes her feel bad.. i've offered to go back to meetings for a while to help her break away.

she never wants to go back, but her guilt and anger make her so uncomfortable around active jw's.....it's really bothering her.. any good books out there on breaking away from controlling organizations, especially concentrating on keeping the friendships but not the allegiance to the organization in question?

Lari

Ashi-
This is such a tough time for you and your wife - I think most of us here understand that. All I can say is It does get better.

The idea of going back to school is a great one. While part of the org I felt like that wasnt really an option. You know the old "if you time for school you should have more time for service". Now I take one class at a time (slow I know) and hope to take on more as time progresses. I'm still learning to embrace the things that were not encouraged as a witness. College, vacations without guilt over missed meetings, making friends with anyone I choose, humming Christmas songs without fear of being overheard.

The idea that Mrs. anxiety is due to "leaving Jehovah behind" is far fetched. It's the people we leave behind that hurt us. It's the loss of those Human relationships that we mourn. In my case, the last entity I feared when leaving was Jah. I figured, if he's really there and can see into my soul - he knows how this decision kills me and that I completely believe it to be right - hell, I prayed about it and here I am.

Good luck, let your wife know that it's ok to grieve and that she's not alone.

4

dogpatchs new religion?

by happy man in

jw
friends

i have reade some of you agressiv atacks on jw, and i have a qestion to you, what are your new religion, .

and what are your religion say to you about going auot inn war, and what did it say about where you come where you die.

Lari

Absolutely Ash

Personally, after being fed all the WTBTS Baloney I need a break!

It's going to be a long time, if ever, until I jump into the arms of another religion.

31

Who are still in and who has left the JW Org? Why?

by STRUGGLE in

jw
friends

good morning!.

hi was just wondering who are still active in the organization and do you have doubts?

those of you who have left, briefly what made you leave, do you have any regrets, and was it hard making new friends?.

Lari

I have been DFed since about May 2000. I had stopped going to meeting for several months. Then my sister suspected I had a boyfriend and was having sex. She approached me and asked me to come clean with the elders. Her Conscience was killing her but she didn't want to go behind my back. I went ahead and called an elder, said - hey Im living with my boyfriend, do what you need to do.

I wasnt living with him at the time but it seemed like a good definitive sin. 'Cause just sex might be something I could stop right away. I refused to meet with them. I had made my decision and that was it. I do now realize that I should have made a more gradual escape and faded to black. Oh well.

I left because I was tired of never measuring up. No matter what I did to devote myself, they org wanted more. There seemed to always be something else I could give up for "Jehovah's Service". College, Kids, Career, People, TV... I'm all for bettering oneself but geez!

Its still hard. I am very slowly making friends, the real kind who you dont have to fear will rat you at at the earliest opportunity.

Hooray for Real Life.