Posts by Velour

30

A Shunning Story

by leavingwt in

jw
friends

this is a shunning story that was recently conveyed to me by email.

i have changed the names/dates to protect the privacy of the individuals.

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Velour

This is still a very painful and tender topic for me. The fact that I'm further and further away from being a part of my young siblings' lives just makes me double over in pain. I, too like freeflyingfaerie, find it especially angering that my parents will be painting this out like I chose to leave them behind when in reality I wasn't given a fair choice.

I hope that over the course of several years "Rebecca" finds activities and relationships that will help ease the pain of missing her siblings while she waits for them to search for her- that's all you can do when dealing with staunch JW parents in-between. The only thought I have that helps me is that one day my siblings will search for me and we will make up for the years apart with happy decades after.

13

Any apostates in LA?

by Velour in

jw
friends

heyo!.

just moved to la from austin, texas and i'm looking for my people ^-^ is anyone here in la?

i'm specifically in hollywood.

Velour

Ha! Skeet Skeet!

I'm in Los Angeles ^_^

13

Any apostates in LA?

by Velour in

jw
friends

heyo!.

just moved to la from austin, texas and i'm looking for my people ^-^ is anyone here in la?

i'm specifically in hollywood.

Velour

Heyo!

Just moved to LA from Austin, Texas and I'm looking for my people ^-^ Is anyone here in LA? I'm specifically in Hollywood. I'd love to meet up for coffee or drinks or something. Thanks =)

68

As of today, I will no longer be one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

by Knowsnothing in

i spoke with my mother, told her everything, my doubts, my fears, my sins.

it came rushing out.

my mother is devastated.

Velour

Wow! Welcome to reality ^-^ I hope your meeting with the elders go well. I certainly hope your mother realizes that you are not turning your back on her and her love, she can still love you and have you in her life if she chooses not to turn her back to you. JWs are the ones that choose to shun family, not the other way around. I wish you both the best as you start your new and free life.

31

After leaving Jw's did you go into another religion or serv. god ur own way?

by average joe in

i am just curious if you guys left jw's and now worship in some other relgion or worship in your own way?

have you sworn off organized religion ?

if you have not sworn off organized religion then i wonder what relgion seems to be the right one for you guys?

Velour

I left a year ago as an agnostic- at least a personal agnostic, meaning God didn't care about me personally. After leaving I became obesessed with what is real and what is true. I realized that truth is absolute and no matter what questions you ask or how you test it, it will always be truth. And I realized, too, that what we all know and can agree that is real is what we can see, touch, taste, hear, and smell and anything outside of that is just speculation and opinion. I'm an atheist.

I realize that the indoctrination of the JW can run deep inside someone for a long time making it difficult, if not impossible, for someone to even open their minds up to the lack of evidence for a god. I had to accept that truth is truth is truth and I'm working hard to reset my mind. I also know that with worshipping a brand of religion comes a community of people who you can get emotionally tied up with and you can miss that when you leave. So I've looked for other communities to get involved with that don't require me to sacrifice my thinking ability and freedoms. And lastly, I had to accept that I dont and that the world we live in does not have all of the answers. To say that a magic skydaddy created everything and will solve everything is living outside of reality. I had to accpet ''I don't know" as a legitimate answer. I appreciate now that with "I don't know" comes a search for the answer.

Where did the earth come from? I don't know. We may not know in my lifetime. I accept that.

Where will I go when I die? I don't know. What I know is real is I will turn to earth and that will be the end of my life. I'm like any other living thing on this planet, I'll die and that will be it. Does it bother me? Yes, but such is reality and I'd rather know the truth and make my life wonderful now than pretend I've won a secret lottery with a prize at the end of my life.

Where does morality come from? I don't know. I know that I still feel a desire to be good to those around me. I don't believe a god who murders people to take their land, who condones slavery, and who says he'll murder billions of people in the future because they failed to convert after 1 or 2 folks show up at their door giving half assed presentations is any source of morality. No religion is without hypocrisy and blood guilt. The world pushes forward because thinking human beings said "F*ck that 2,000 year old book! Slavery is wrong! Women are not property! Science is the search for answers, it's not magic!"

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

Velour

Welcome to the forum SickandTired!

I'm in agreement with everyone here who says to take your time. For myself, even after fully believing that being a JW was not for me, it was difficult to see myself parting with my family. My family consists of myself (the oldest of 4), 2 younger sisters, 1 brother, and father and mother. I stuck with the religion for a while just to keep my family close to me. I remember my heart bursting with pain and my stomach knotting up with misery at the thought of losing my family, of them shunning me. I knew I couldn't be a witness but I knew I couldn't lose my family.

I imagine that being married and having children of your own makes the pain of such a decision much more difficult. I must admit that even after leaving I hated and resented the idea that they shunned me. I felt hurt and betrayed and I felt like a betrayer. It's been a year and I'm just now realizing that it is in fact my family who have chosen to shun and turn their backs on me- not that it makes the pain go away but I know it's not me pushing them away, as I stand here everyday with my heart wide open to them.

Also, for my younger siblings, I've set the example that if you have questions and you realize that you can not stay trapped, leave. Leave and live life! You don't have to stay clutched in the iron hands of the organization. I feel if I had all of these doubts and I was miserable and stayed in this organization, what kind of example would I be setting for them? Is staying in this organization allowing it to crush me emotionally, stiffle me mentally, and pin me in the right message to send to them? I feel that my young and growing siblings should have the opportunity to be who they are and express themselves without restriction, which this organization frustratingly does not allow. I feel I've opened the way for them to do that. I'm a pioneer in the family in that sense =P making it easier for them to leave too.

I've thought about if I had waited longer and my siblings grew up without seeing anyone question and leave the organization, they may not know how to cope and deal with any doubts they had. They wouldn't know anyone, wouldn't have any proof, that life outside the organization is not only possible but desirable. But now they know. Or they would have grown up not even knowing to check facts and ask questions and would accept the organization as all-knowing, always right. So when, because it was inevitable, I left, they would shun me whole heartedly instead of having the love that children have and having this moment in their childhood memories to reflect on when they get older asking, "was it really right that because of these teachings my sister, my family, our relationships were damaged?"

My little brother shows signs of homosexuality. One of my sisters has a strong sense of right and wrong, and asks questions that were difficult to answer. Another sister is a free spirit and doesn't respond well when she isn't able to paint and create and just be herself. If any of them choose to leave because of the nonsense they recognize they all know I'm here and they don't have to stay and be miserable and stiffled.

I know my relationship with my siblings is not the same as yours to your children. Your bond is much deeper and stronger than any sibling relationship could be. I feel you could be a much more reliable stepping stone out of the organization when they grow up and realize that they are more than Watchtower robots.

33

How did you fill the void after leaving?

by gutted in

jw
friends

i'm curious about how people filled the void after leaving the jws.

i'm at a point, a bit over a year after leaving, where i am finding i have confronted the reality of my life and situation... and it's depressing.

i realize i have holes in my life (a significant other, social activities, something higher/beyond myself) which many worldly people naturally have filled but it feels unnatural for me, almost synthetic and it makes me more depressed the more i think about it.

Velour

What a great thing you've done in assessing your situation and deciding to make it better for yourself! That's a positive step (even if you don't like the situation, assessing it and admitting it as something you need to address is great)

It sounds like joining a volunteer organization would give you an activity and opportunity to socialize while being a part of something greater than yourself. Also, try meetup.com. Go to a few different meetup groups as they all have different types of people, activities, and vibes. It's an easy way to meet people who have similar interests. Lucky you, once being a JW, we have experience in starting up conversations with strangers ;)

Don't be afraid to also try dating sites if you're looking for a love connection. I went on a few casual dates with people from match.com and ended up gaining 2 great friends through it. I would recommend waiting until you feel better about the situation you're in so you can exude happiness and confidence on your dates. For me, I've been seeing a therapist once a week for a few months now. It's really helped me deal with reality and keep a positive spirit and a level head. After getting to a comfortable spot with myself and my situation I started dating. I pimp this site a lot on this forum: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/ but it's a great way to find a therapist in your area. Most of the therapists there offer a free initial consultation so you can chat with a few to find one you're comfortable with and most work on a sliding scale for those of us low on cash. After briefly explaining my background, every therapist I chatted with were more than excited to work with me. Who wouldn't want to work with an ex-cult member?!

Read some books. The organization has skewed everything in their literature and most of the ''knowledge'' we've gained through them is slanted, opinions, and unsupported creating weird biases and prejudieces in our minds. Read.

And if it interests you, I'd look into going to school. It will keep you busy and give you a sense of empowerment over your new life. It takes you from victim of a brainwashing cult to proactive member of the real world.

Whatever you do, I hope you'll find ways to feel comfortable and happy with the new life you're living outside of the organization. You took the step to leave, to no longer let life just happen to you, so I hope you keep that up ^-^

19

Df'd and Meetings

by IMHO in

jw
friends

why the set procedures for ones that are df'd when attending meetings?.

(i think i know the answer to this but i look forward to your thoughts first).

Velour

@Mummatron

Are those the official rules? Are DF-ed ones told this?

4

What to make of highly active JW still chatting with me?

by Velour in

howdy all.

last year i quickly faded.

i had a friend who was in bethel at the time i left.

Velour

Howdy All

Last year I quickly faded. I had a friend who was in Bethel at the time I left. 2 months later, when he found out, he called me and asked a few questions about my experience ''out there'' and then chatted with me like good ole times. It's been over a year and since I've left and every few weeks he contacts me and we chat it up like nothing has ever happened.

I'm wondering if he's curious about living life outside of the organization himself and that's why he is still chatting with me. He's asked questions and said things like, "am I missing anything?", "I bet you go to a lot of music shows, huh?", "well, why don't you tell me what an atheist is" and though he doesn't ask these kinds of things often, it's been enough that I kinda get the feeling he's scouting out the idea of living in ''the world'' through me. I'm always open and honest with him about my life outside of the organization.

I wouldn't be suspicious since he's been like my little brother for years (he's 5 years younger than me, 20 years old). We've gone through hard times together and had some amazing summers with friends by the river. But I am wondering why someone in his position would still be talking to me since even my own flesh and blood family have shunned me. He's a MS, just got back from Bethel a month ago, been to Costa Rica to preach and plans on moving back there at the end of the year, he's a regular at KH and AH builds, he's a pioneer. His mother and father are hyper active JWs, its just the 3 of them. In fact, the cong he comes from has a reputation of being super active, super spiritual folks.

I know he knows he ought not talk to me but he still does. I don't want to close off a connection to my friend by shoveling apostate ideas at him. However, since he's still talking to me, is he looking for an ''outsider's" perspective? Am I not taking full advantage of the opportunity to share some knowledge in reality? OR is he just simply wanting me to stay his friend since we've been friends for so long through thick and thin? He's a social guy and has plenty of friends, it seems odd to me that he's keeping up communication with me specifically.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? I left the organization quickly but maybe someone else has an experience of ''scouting the world out'' through others' for a time before deciding to leave? Is this what my friend is doing? Would it be appropriate to just ask him his motives (it makes me uncomfortable to question them, we're friends!)?

Ultimately, I would love for him to get out. I don't want to bombard him with anything though and I'd rather keep a long time friend than risk pushing him away. I feel I have a chance to share some things with him but it's hard to gauge what's safe to lay out and what'll scare him off.

Thanks =)

40

When You Left The "Truth" Were People Shocked?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i faded and when witnesses realized i had abandoned the faith, they were shocked!

no one would've ever believed that i would've left!

no one!!

Velour

ah yes =) I hope I did shock people. I wouldn't know. After I left, I never returned and I never got a phone call from anyone. I've moved across the country so no visits either.

I was a pioneer for 5 of the 10 years I was in. Everyone thought being a young, pretty, smart, and ''spiritual'' thing I would marry some hot shot JW MS or Elder (and one sister even tried to set me up with a CO) and be the model JW woman. I gave parts at assemblies and conventions. I had bible studies get baptized (palm<-->face) and I worked in unassigned territory. My immediate family noticed over the course of 2 years my activity slowed. They tried to help but I don't think they realized how far away from ''the truth'' I was. Because of moving congregations other JWs had no idea that I was slipping away. My fading process lasted only a few months.