RecordCollector,
A big hug for you! (((((RecordCollector))))
I could relate to some of the things you said. I, too, feel like I don't know how to make friends. It is such a difficult thing sometimes. For me, I realize that most of my problem is my bad feelings about myself, and fear of someone finding out the 'truth' about me...like if they knew my house looked like a mess and my dishes are always in the sink, they would dump me for sure. (It's deeper than that, but you know what I mean) I have the feeling always in the back of my head that there is something 'wrong' with me.
I know now that there is nothing wrong with me. Don't ask me how I realized that....I'm not really sure how it happened. But now I know. We are all the same. We are all ok. We are all just who we are. If you were to look at the world from outerspace, we are all just little people trying to get by. I'm not sure if that made any sense...hummmm.....I guess what I mean is you can't see my dirty dishes and messy house when you are looking at the big picture.
Also, I am , for lack of a better word, co-dependant. It's a leaning experence to try and grow out of this crazy behavior. But under everything, I am ok. There is nothing wrong with ME. 'ME' is no better or no worse and anyone else walking the planet. The same is true of you.
I am working on making friendships, and trying to learn to not listen to those thoughts I have that I know have no basis in reality.
Anyway...just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in your feelings, and to encourage you on your journey! Sometimes out of our greatest pain, comes the greatest gifts. Hang in there...
--LisaBObeesa