I think when you are brought up the old fashioned cruel way as a jw child, spent many years of your life in fulltime service (me untill 40), you’re life is ruined anyway.
I am 63 now and there are still moments my “worldly” wife to whom I am married now for 17 years doesn’t understand my “natural” restrictions, inhibitions. In other words, you’re fucked up, knowing or not knowing. Live your life and say welcome to the day you’re out of this.