I'm quite familiar with Pondus, because I always use the Opera browser and "my opera" is my home page with the cartoon on there every day. ( http://my.opera.com/pondus/ ) jw.com still doesn't work very well on Opera unfortunately, but I understand Simon is working on it so I won't hassle him further!
Posts by Matty
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19
Three Drunk Women...
by Matty inthree drunk women had a very late night drinking session.
they left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
the next day, they all met and compared notes about who was the most drunk the night before.
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Matty
Two priests rode their bikes to church every Sunday.
One day one of the priests turned up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but I think it got stolen!"
The other priest said, "Well, all you have to do is read off the Ten Commandments, and when you get to Thou shall not steal someone will then confess to the crime."
The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?" the one priest said.
The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, it suddenly occured to me where I had left it."
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Matty
In common with most countries there are nice British people and there are some complete assholes, I hope you thought I was one of the nicer ones, j2l! I think we have grown up in recent times as a nation. We are one of the most multicultural countries in the world. The definition of being "British" has changed immeasurably. Most of us these days feel that blood alone does not define national identity and that modern Britain has been shaped by a rich mix of all different ethnic and religious origins.
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2
God decides to end the world...
by Matty ingod decided that he was going to have to end the world straight away because everyone was being utterly beastly to each other, no one knew right from wrong anymore, and the people of the world weren't happy enough.
bill gates went back to microsoft and assembled a huge meeting.
"i have good news and better news" he said.
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Matty
God decided that he was going to have to end the world straight away because everyone was being utterly beastly to each other, no one knew right from wrong anymore, and the people of the world weren't happy enough. So he called the three most important people in the world together: George W Bush, Vladimir Putin and Bill Gates - and told them to go back to their people and tell them the world was ending.
George W Bush went back to his people and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The bad news is that the world is ending tomorrow."
Vladimir Putin came back to his people and said, "I have good news and bad news. The Good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The bad news is that the world is ending tomorrow."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and assembled a huge meeting. "I have good news and Better news" he said. "The good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The Better news is that we don't have to fix all the bugs in Windows XP anymore!"
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12
I Had A Birthday Too :)
by OrbitingTheSun inhappy birthday, worldly girl!
as of saturday, i am 20 years old!
isnt it great to celebrate?
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Matty
H a p p y b i r t h d a y O r b i t i n g T h e S u n !
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48
I LOST MY JOB TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by Jesika ini have been searching for a job since march, and finally got one waiting tables at a pool hall.
they fired me today due to "pushing" someone that i asked to excuse me.
then i was told that my "attitude" was a reason.
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Matty
((((((Jes))))))
Here's my contribution. I think you must have realised by now you are a much loved poster. I think I owe you an email!
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24
If only you just wouldn't CLAP so hard....
by PopeOfEruke inwhats with the jw's and that insane clapping that goes on at assemblies?
can you all remember it?
not just at the conclusion of a talk (which is somehow expected and simply courteous), but the intra-talk claps where sometimes no-one know if its a clap-moment or not..... so the speaker drones on and on, and then comes the voice inflection change, either louder ot higher-pitched, and then you know its coming: another clap-moment......*groan*.
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Matty
And what's with clapping after a prayer??? That's the dumbest thing yet
Minimus, I think this idea started in Russia. We never clapped after the end of sessions before the brothers and sisters who went to the various conventions in Russia noticed the Russian brothers doing this.
I guess they considered that this practice showed some extra appreciation that was lacking in the west, so like the good sheep we all are, we copied it and now everyone claps after the prayer while still standing.
I get confused at baptisms. Sometimes they allow the audience to clap after each dunk, and sometimes the chairman asks the audience to reserve the applause until after the last one is dunked.
When you get the clapping after each individual baptism, you get to know the status of the candidate and how popular they are. You can hear how far up the social order they are rather like the clapometer in the old tv talent shows.
NM, I also like to applaud the fir trees and the geraniums. I applauded the doughnuts and the hellas chocolate bars as well as the football club management.
Edited by - matty on 21 October 2002 10:57:11
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22
What Pleases You?
by Robdar ini have had a rough week.
my health is not good at this time.
this week i discovered a whole new depth of agony.
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Matty
You're an inspiration to us all Robyn, I hope you get better real soon.
What makes me happy is:
- Knowing that my post-witness future is going to be better than my past
- Same as your No6 - I got back a dear friend that I really thought I'd lost for good
- I've just got paid
- Cat Deeley really exists, God doesn't
- " The Office" is on tonight on BBC2
Hugs
Matty
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35
How Are You Percieved By People???
by minimus indo you think that you are easy to get along with?
are you judgemental?
are you positive?
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Matty
The word that seems to come up often when people describe me is weird.
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25
Earthquake in Manchester !
by Simon inthere was a quake here at 9:00 this morning and just now (12:30) the building i am in has been shaken ... the chair i am on was actually moved back and forth by it several times and you could feel yourself being swayed back and forth.
i'm on the second floor of a 4 story building.
probably very mild compared to a proper (ie.
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Matty
Expatbrit
Thank you for directing me away from my blasphemous talk.
School Guidebook "Using Good Speech Every Day"
"Christians must be careful to avoid irreverent language. Some persons use the terms "God" and "Lord," also "Jesus" and "Christ," simply to add emphasis to speech, or as a substitute for a curse word. Other words such as "gosh," "golly," "gee" are simply euphemisms, derived from "God" and "Jesus," and are therefore also objectionable as interjections."