Posts by morrisamb

Thanks for ordering the book. We mailed yours out as soon as your order came in. Let me know when you receive it and also what you think of it after you've read it. I appreciate feedback.

Donald

69

Billygoat's Wedding Pictures

by Valis in

jw
friends

i had the pleasure of attending billygoat and mozzer4life's wedding today and i thought i would share some pictures with all of you.

it was a beautiful day for an outside wedding.

comf and sixofnine and megadude were also in attendance.

Great Pics Valis..congrats to the bride and groom...coincidentally I just got home (11: 35 pm, Sept 5) from my brother's son's wedding in Sarnia, Ontario. It too was beautiful and what beautiful day to get married!!

17

Why we dont tell....male abuse

by Brummie in

jw
friends

why we dont tell(apologies for this veeery long post).. i cant even express how much i am behind silentlambs right now though i may be overly concerned by the latest letter sent out im sure bb knows what hes doing and all will become clear, and even if its a mistake then we have to allow for mistakes as long as they dont cost lives like wt mistakes do.

bb is only a man and hed be the first to admit that.. i know the majority of people on this board totally understand why an abused child doesnt tell they have been abused straight away, as far as i know there has only been one buff here that suggested all abused people should speak out straight away or not expect help later simply because someone touched them!

like all of you i switched off to this jw clown but began wondering how many more people or jdubs are taking such a pathetic outlook (very few i guess).

morrisamb

Brummie, Thanks for sharing and reaching out...as a male survivor, you mind find this interesting. Something I wrote on the subject.

Why Boys don't Tell by Donald D'Haene

As a survivor of sexual abuse, what strikes me as most ironic is the fact that male victims still remain nameless: ashamed of their experience even now, in 2002. Why should male victims be ashamed when our numbers are legion? It's time we talked openly about child abuse and its prevention. But the fact is that men are ashamed of disclosing their experience with sexual abuse. They shouldn't be.

Almost two decades ago, I decided, along with four other victims (three male, one female), to charge our abuser. Since 1982, after going to court and public with our case, scores of men have disclosed their abuse to me but few have gone public. For every man like hockey player Sheldon Kennedy, there are thousands who remain silent. Why? Our society cultivates feelings of shame in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Often an abuser is enabled to continue molesting by members of the community. For example, consider the protection that powerful institution, the church, provided our abuser, my father. My younger brother disclosed the abuse to our mother, two years later, my older brother confided in the ministers of our congregation. To report our abuse would have involved the Children's Aid Society, which would have removed us from our father's reach. Although our father was excommunicated by the congregation and our mother was publicly reproved for not reporting the incidents to the ministers earlier, we four children were sent back home with our abuser. Therefore, although the congregation was protected, the abuser's children and the public at large were not.

From the disclosures other victims have shared with me, my experience is not unusual in this regard. But even people who truly care about victims add to the issue of personal shame. One minister and his wife told me it would be better if I change my name "because there is a bad sound to it now. It's connected to the abuser. People will think of him, not of you as his victim." Another reason for silence is a concern for the feelings of the extended family. But I suggest disclosure may lessen the feelings of shame.

Sometimes victims must listen to their abuser being praised as a fine pillar in the community. Silence perpetuates abuse. I am not suggesting that court proceedings will not prove daunting. In our case, even though a conviction was achieved, I learned justice is a relative term. The judge, in his oral reasons for judgment, said, my "childhood must have been a hell on Earth," but he also found that my abuser, "is not now, in my opinion, in need of rehabilitation or reformation and is not now a danger to any member of the public." He said he based this on my father's lawyers' submissions and a psychiatric report which "shows clearly that there is no overt sign of mental illness." How is it possible that a victim's recovery process involves years of therapy, ongoing issues such as sexual confusion and flashbacks, whereas an abuser can be deemed free of mental illness, and not in need of rehabilitation? Because in our case, the prosecutor never interviewed the victims, never asked if we wanted to testify, and had arranged a plea-bargain before the case went to trial. We had no opportunity to dispute or challenge any testimony.

Finally, the most common reason male victims feel shame is our culture's imposed guilt of homosexual contact. Unfortunately, sexual abuse of males is often labeled in this way instead of the criminal act it is. Survival is a never-ending process. Our society still tries to silence victims. My abuser writes me: "It appears (I) am the only one whose lifestyle reflects that of the Almighty...I forgive you for all that you have done to me."

But I encourage fellow victims and survivors to take charge of their destiny. Come forward, seek help and healing. For those who have the strength, fortitude and peer support, consider telling your story and seek legal counsel now. It is only by publicly bonding that we can truly feel we are not alone, not to blame and do not need to continue feeling shame. For more information on sexual abuse issues, visit http://www.fatherstouch.com/Links.htm

102

Am I damaging the silentlambs cause?

by Simon in

jw
friends

one of the few unfounded (i think) accusations that have been thrown at me by certain people is that i have caused 'untold damage' to the silentambs cause.. i don't know quite what this is supposed to mean or what i'm suppoed to have done or whether it is anything more than just 'mud' flung by people who find it easier to criticise rather than actually do anything.. over the last year (is it?

) i've been happy to promote the silentlambs cause and have hosted links to bills site and vidoes / sound files of tv programmes, radio reports, photo's of the march etc... as well as providing a place for people to meet and arrange things.

i hope it has been useful and helpful to at least some people.. if i have inadventantly held things up in some way then i unreservedly and wholeheartedly apologise.. all i can say is, i do my best and may not always get things right.

morrisamb

The only cause that you damage Simon is ridiculous mud-slinging use of your forum. Keep up the good work!!!

1

Father's Touch -- Dungbeetle's Review

by morrisamb in

father's touch by donald d'haene.

reviewed by dungbeetle, oct 1, 2002. the dedication reads in part:.

for...fellow survivors .

morrisamb

Father's Touch by Donald D'Haene

Reviewed by Dungbeetle, Oct 1, 2002

The dedication reads in part:

For...fellow survivors
and silent victims past and present
Unable to find their way out of the darkness.

These words are ever so true. Donald D'Haene takes us into the mind of
an abuser, the family from which he came, and the family that he created.
The family which he reminded, upon occasion, when things did not go his
way, that he could also take that life away.

Like so many others whose reviews of this book I have read, I, too, could
not read the book all the way through at one sitting. It took me a few
days and a number of attempts.. And I am not the same person I was
before I read this book, nobody could be. The pain, the frustration, the
sense of loss; the anger, the rage, and trust betrayed---all of it is
there, brought alive by the power of words. I felt I was there, standing
beside Donald when his father killed his beloved animals; I felt I was
right there as the children struggled among themselves to offer
themselves up as living sacrifices to their father's rage to protect
their mother and youngest brother.

And Donald takes us to a world where persons practice medicine without a
license, and those with a license to practice medicine do NOT PRACTICE
it. There are reasons these things happen, and there are reasons why they
should NOT-and Donald takes us there and shows us why, in painful and
unforgettable detail.

Was there ever a time when things MIGHT have turned out differently? Was
there a window of opportunity when JUST ONE act of kindness, at the right
moment, might have made a difference in the lives of these children?
Donald answers that question for us. Were there ANY signs, observable to
outsiders that, having been noticed, could have led to earlier
intervention? Would education and legislation have made a difference to
this family's history? Donald answers those questions for us.

This is not a book just to read and then put on the shelf and then go
merrily on our way. This is a book to read that educates, that grants
insight, that MOTIVATES the reader to say "No Donalds in my family!! No
Erics in my classroom!! No Marinas on my block!! Donald gives us, with
his words, EMPOWERMENT to not just wait untill a Donald, Ronny, Marina,
or Eric COME to us for help, but DETERMINATION to look around us
PROACTIVELY for children who are hurting and fragile and endangered.

Only then will persons determined to hurt children have fewer and fewer
victims untill molesters finally, hopefully, have gone the way of the
dodo.

And in conclusion, if I had to pick one point that this book drove home
for me, it would be: If these children could survive, then maybe-just
maybe-so can I.

Peace to the D'Haene children.

5

A Heartfelt response to my book

by morrisamb in

hi donald

i just finished reading your book a few minutes ago.

i feel a special interest mostly because of the same religious background and the way you describe the elders etc.

morrisamb

Hi Donald I just finished reading your book a few minutes ago. I feel a special interest mostly because of the same religious background and the way you describe the elders etc. I do not relate to the sexual abuse but I find it just absolutely mind boggling that this kind of thing could have happened and when revealed the only thing any of the elders can think about is the good name of Jehovah and not the well being of you and your family. I liked your book a lot, it being written in the first person helped me to feel what you were feeling and I felt for you a lot reading that book. It helped me see how a child can have these things happen and not tell because they feel they are guilty and bad. It helped me see how these monsters like Daniel get away with it and by writing this book Donald you help people see that these monsters are real and that as a victim there is no need to be ashamed. I have never read a book where the abused has verbalized what happened in such detail, my heart went out to you. This is truely a horrible crime and people who commit these offences repeatedly should not be living in freedom. My God I think about this "Monster" living in the Philippeans with 3 More young children (your half brothers and sisters), I am sure you have your thoughts on that one. I do not have anything against religion, thats an individual choice if a person wishes to worship their God. I was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness until I left in disgust. I still believed it was the truth but I decided that I would rather die at Armageddon than live the way I had to live as a Jehovah's Witness. I was an only child of a fanatical pair of parents who lived the religion, my Dad beat me and screamed at me all the time if I didn't live up to his expectations of me in terms of my spiritual progress. I was allowed no friends even Jehovah's Witness friends, in other words they isolated me. I left home, pursued worldly ways, married and had children. I realized that the problem was not the religion but my parents so in I became very concerned about my little children and their future so I looked into the religion again as I didn't want my children to miss out on the chance of living forever. I met much opposition from my husband but struggled on with the "Truth". Taking little children to the hall was quite a challenge. The situation became so depressing and impossible as I did not receive much help from anyone, my parents, fellow christians or my husband so I fell away. I got into worldly ways again and tried to block out that I may die at armageddon. Last year I found a lot of information on the Internet about others in my same situation, I read their stories and reasons for leaving the "Truth". I read all the things that I did not know about the Society and how they treated others and then I realized that it is as my husband and so many have told me ...Just a Cult! Whatever happens in the world I know that I am responsible for myself and that we all can do good without a formal religion and strict rules and regulations set out my imperfect men. .... I looked at all the pictures that you have on the internet of your family...You and Marina looked very much alike when you were younger. I wish you all the best Donald and hope you will let me know when your next book comes out. ... I don't know how to write a book . I would not want to write about the Jehovah's Witnesses except how it was a part of my life that started me off on the wrong foot and affected me for my whole life in my choices etc. Maybe one day I will be inspired!! Warmest Regards _________

84

WT PR Statement - silentlambs march

by silentlambs in

jw
friends

this was read and given to all media at the march.

the outrage is to great to express, who are these people?

silentlambs .

morrisamb

The policy that Jehovah's Witnesses have on how to handle cases of child molestation is without equal in the religious community.

Say what? That is so self-serving, arrogant and flat-out not true. The best policy is a no tolerance policy. A more accurate translation:

The policy that Jehovah's Witnesses have on how to handle cases of child molestation is found in too many religious communities. New light has been shed on this issue daily. In the future, notwithstanding such groups as Silentlambs, Jehovah's hand will continue to direct us.

84

WT PR Statement - silentlambs march

by silentlambs in

jw
friends

this was read and given to all media at the march.

the outrage is to great to express, who are these people?

silentlambs .

morrisamb

1. elders immediately work to assure the safety of the victim and of other children.

2 Also, they make every effort to comply with the law.

3 On rare occasions a member of a congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses takes up or reverts to the disgusting habit of child molestation.

4 We view child molestation as a disgusting, abnormal and criminal practice. The congregation works to extend spiritual and practical support to victims of child abuse and focuses on their welfare

5 We have long instructed elders to report allegations of child abuse to the authorities where required by law to do so, even where there is only one witness.

Thanks for posting this. These five highlighted points jumped out at me because each of them was not carried through in my family's case and # 3 I find the understatement of the new millennium. A HABIT? I have never ever heard that word used for sexual abuse and I've been working on this issue for over 2 decades.

There was no concern for our satety. There wasn't even a tiny, visable, or invisable effort to comply with the law. The Elders and Witnesses that knew did not view the abuse as criminal. They did not focus on our spiritual welfare or welfare on any level, and did not offer practical support. Police, authorites never even came up.

One of the Elders when questioned just before our trial told me "We didn't know it was against the law" "Call the Children's Aid Society! What? And break up the family?"

How much better it would have been for the Society's press release to admit they made a lot of mistakes, their Elders made a lot of mistakes, and thank the Silent lambs present for bringing this to their attention!!!

I know...that is the fantasy, not the reality!

32

Hey ... we got a real nut here !

by Simon in

jw
friends

just got this from a real well informed, clear thinking, "sister" (?

(about the http://www.watchtower-victims.org/ site)

--- cynthia apperson --- [email protected] --- earthlink: the #1 provider of the real internet.

morrisamb

If an elder is the first to find out, then the police are ALWAYS the 2nd to find out.

Though it is by no means a common occurance.

Simon, sounds like this writer lives on fantasy island. Don't think they'll be interested in my book...from the elders to the police, I'd say probably 30 people inbetween "found out", and if the Elders had their way, the police still wouldn't have found out -- today--30 years later!!!