Mum

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Posts by Mum

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  38

  How Long???

  by Xena in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have been drifting for about 1 1/2 years now and was hoping that in a year or two i would have distanced myself enough from the org.

  that i can actually start living my life exactly the way i want to...aka celebrating the holidays by putting lights on the house, not having to tell my daughter not to say anything about going trick or treating, getting birthday presents or going to cheerleader camp.

  but i read some posts in the disfellowhiping thread started by somebody where people have been inactive for 3 years and are still disfellowhiped!

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  Mum

  When I first became an active JW publisher at age 15, I was the only member of my family who was a JW. One of my cousins later became a JW, but was disfellowshipped fairly soon afterwards.

  I have been out for 22+ years. My mom became a JW after I left them! I thought she didn't believe any of their nonsense from her comments and attitude, so go figure! To her credit, she waited until she had accumulated enough disability and illness so that she would not have to participate much in JW life. My mom is a great self-promoter and has my sister's kids pretty much brainwashed into believing that being a JW is the only way to live. They (the nieces) are pathetic! Both are quite brainy, but their choices would not indicate it! But, then, neither did mine when I was young.

  My best strategy as a "fade-away" rather than a DF or DA is to live some distance away from my very pathological family. They, including my mom, almost beg me to visit them. My daughter and I are the only members of the immediate family (including siblings and nieces) who are not on welfare or disability (for mental health reasons). My daughter, her daughter and I are the only ones who have happy lives, who actually do things because we enjoy them, not to appear live up to some standard arbitrarily set by someone else.

  Ironically, when I was a child, my mother hated me immensely. She criticized me as a "fanatic" when I became a JW and told other family members that I was "swayed by every wind and doctrine." She was embarrassed by me because I have a physical handicap; therefore, she thought I could never get a husband (I've had 2 husbands, both better than the one she had). I, of course, was painfully shy and looked elsewhere for support. My mother told me I was "stand-offish" and "despisable," whereas my sister (now on disability for mental health reasons) was "charismatic, cute, with curly hair, dimples and personality." A few years ago, I started describing her behavior to her and told her to stop it, and her attitude got better towards me.

  I think it was George Burns who said something to the effect, "Everyone needs a close-knit family in another city." Works for me and mine.
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  76

  Years in v. Years Out

  by Billygoat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'd like to find out how many years collectively we have acquired in the wts.

  please list how many years you were/have been a jw.

  please also list how many years you have been out.

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  Mum

  In: @ 17 years (not counting childhood "flirtation" with JW religion when my dad's boss came to have "Bible studies" with us) from age 15 to age 32.

  Out: since June 1979 - 22 years and counting!
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  200

  How Many States / Countrys Are Represented Here?

  by Big Jim in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am from houston texas myself.

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  Mum

  I live in Reno, Nevada, originally from Tennessee. I adore both my adopted home state and my original one.

  I am fairly new to this board, but used to post on H2O fairly regularly. You guys are the best!
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  29

  Ex-dubs in Southern Ca.

  by jterfehr in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  any ex dubs in the so cal area?

  i am in the desert near palm springs.

  just had two families over last night (ex dubs all) and we had a great time.

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  Mum

  I wondered about the meaning of "dub" at one time myself. I made an incorrect assumption that it referred to the dubs' annoying habit (which I once had) of "downloading" info like a tape recording machine and repeating it, thereby bypassing the thinking mechanism they have allowed to go dormant.
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  34

  Meeting's..........the best Medicine!!!

  by Latte in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you remember those truly wonderful occasions when the meeting was in full swing, and something/one would make you laugh uncontrollably............so much so that you had to go out.

  (and yes, your were sat on the front row!

  you would go out and feel terribly guilty, and when you thought you were under control, you would venture back in only to find that the air was still full of laughter (on your row)..............truly wonderful meetings!!

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  Mum

  I began attending meetings regularly when I was about 15 years old. While I was gung-ho, totally serious, my teenage counterparts in the congregation were pretty rebellious. We would sit together at meetings, and there was one girl who could make us practically fall off our chairs laughing. She would have Beatles bubble gum cards and write funny captions on them (yes, this was in the early '60's). I remember one of the pictures was of the Beatles boarding an airplane, and she captioned it, "We're being deported."

  The same girl would write pretend letters to Santa Claus on behalf of people in our congregation. She would ask for the ability to control their appetite and such for the phantom Christmas gift. She would misspell words and use illiterate expressions (as if the letter had been written by Fred Hall perhaps) and have us in stitches! Sometimes the parents would crack down and not let us all sit together, but we persisted, sitting together at every meeting until forcibly separated. She would also say things like "Brother M... just made his Cedar Point comment, so the WT study is drawing to a close." We had a great time in "service" as well with this witty crowd.

  One of the guys could draw the most hilarious caricatures of people in our congregation. The hilarity was non-stop. We would get together socially, too, and make up silly games. Once I fell, and we made an impromptu play, with my friend the artist pretending to be a foreign doctor lamenting the fact that I might be seriously injured and wouldn't take a "bloot transfuchion" as a "Yehowa's Vitness."

  I could go on and on.....
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  20

  children of the watchtower

  by kdk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have an 8yr old step-daughter caught up in the madness of the jws through unrelenting fear based brainwashing by her mother.

  my husband and i would like to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and is able to help us let her know that there is another more loving way of living in this world.

  its frightening to see the damage my husbands ex is doing to this inocent little girls mind.

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  Mum

  I left my elder husband when my daughter was 7. She was brainwashed and told how evil I was on a daily basis. I felt very powerless (although, in retrospect, I could have had much more power if I had taken it), even helpless at times. Nevertheless, I always let my daughter know that I loved her, and she knew it was unconditional love, unlike her dad's which had to be earned.

  She is now 29 years old, and has had no desire to be a JW since she was in high school. She has had her problems, of course, as children do when they do not respect their parents. But she is doing very well in every way. She is getting an education, is in a stable relationship with a very nice man, and has a beautiful, intelligent 11-year-old daughter whose only knowledge of the JW's is her mom's joking threat, "Oh, so you don't like this. Okay, I'll take you to the Kingdom Hall and see how you like that!"

  I recommend that you read the books "Raising a Child with a High EQ" and "Emotional Intelligence." Emotional memories are powerful. I can also recommend a book called "How to Listen so Kids will Talk and Talk so Kids will Listen." These can help you a lot! You might also seek advice from a child psychologist for help in being supportive in the best way.

  Best wishes! I believe that you are on the right track. As long as the child has memories of being comfortable and accepted with you, your story should have a happy ending.

  Regards,
  Mum
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  46

  I NEED ADVICE DESPERATELY!!!

  by concerned fiance in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  here is my situation: my fiance is now 27 years old.

  he was raised as a jw from the age of 2 through 18. at that time, his whole family left the "truth" except for his older brother who had already married another woman from the faith.

  for the past 9 years, he has been living his life to the fullest, but still loving god, praying often and he is a truly honest and moral person.

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  Mum

  Terrorist attacks have been taking place throughout the world for a long time. It's just when it hits your fiance's own country that he seems concerned. Tell him to get a wider perspective on the world and on HISTORY, particularly JW history and the "doom and gloom" cries that have all come to naught.

  Get serious premarital counseling, and wait a while before you tie the knot. This guy has Issues!

  Best regards,
  Mum
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  8

  Women in the "Truth

  by hillbilly in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  howdy all!.

  first, i'd like to thank all of you for providing a diverse and enjoyable forum.

  in my opinion, the lack of good "debate" and discussion of veiwpoints are some of the things that made my 'active duty' days less than enjoyable.

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  Mum

  Hi, Hillbilly. I'm from East Tennessee myself, but now I live in Nevada.

  I was a single JW female and functioned much better singly. I married an elder and got to know the inner workings of some of the stuff that went on. I learned about the infighting and accusations and disfellowshipping trials, and hated it. My naivete finally disappeared completely, and I had to face the truth about the "truth."

  Welcome to the board.
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  33

  October 7th Ex-JW gathering in San Francisco

  by Stacey in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i hadn't seen any recent posts about this event.

  tonight i spoke to paul thomason, the organizer of the event.

  he said that last year they had about 18 in attendance.

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  Mum

  Hi, Stacey. I'm in Reno, so I can probably make it. I'll see if I can get my daughter to come up from Las Vegas as well, but it's not as easy for her.

  Sounds great!

  Mum
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  21

  How did you leave the JW's?

  by rhett in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my question for everyone is how did you leave the org?

  not really what led up to it but what did you do to no longer be a part of it?.

  personally, i think i have to have one of the more humerous stories of leaving.

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  Mum

  I was miserable after I had been doing all of the "right" things. I didn't want to leave, but I could no longer live with my husband, who was an elder and becoming more controlling and autocratic with every passing day. I did not intend to leave for good, but the longer I was out, the less neurotic I became, the more relaxed I became, and my "adjustment" has progressed marvelously over the past 22 years!

  I planned my escape, left a note on the kitchen table, took my daughter to a shopping center where a friend met us and drove us to the airport, and moved to the other end of the USA - from the east to the far west.

  The whole story is more complex, but my daughter is no longer a JW either, although her dad got ample opportunity to bring her up as one.