Ok I feel almost embarrassed coming to this board and asking advice about something that my common sence has already answered for me, but I hesitate because of possible fall out unique to JW issues. Most of my posts on this board lately have been about my 21 year old son's involvment with the JW's encouraged by JW mom, both knowing I'm against what they teach. I've gotten some good advice on this board by some of you who answered a previous post of mine related to my concern of me being an enabler to my 21 year old son. He's not working, not going to school and needs to be provided for as if he was 12 years old. He does look for work but not aggressively. He quit school and has no plans on going back. Now's he's asking me for money so that he can hang out with some JW's friends belonging to the congregation of his aunt and uncle that he met when he stayed with them for a couple of months last year. They are vacationing in our area and want him to go with them to popular theme parks in our area. He has no job, no money, no real sence of reality. He is no longer my responsibility and yet I continue to provide for him because he can't do it himeself. He's in lala land and his mother and her whole JW family have been love bombing him big time trying to get him baptized. I look like a jerk at every turn. If I continuing enabling him, he wont learn the realities and can't be so picky about your employment. He has the option to be picky because I've been giving him that ability. I don't necessesarily want to make this about punishing him cuz he needs my money to be with JW's but I'm really beginning to hate all things JW because of what it's done to my family and it's getting harder to keep faking it...
marriedtoajw
JoinedPosts by marriedtoajw
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Advice on being an enabler to my unbaptized JW son
by marriedtoajw inok i feel almost embarrassed coming to this board and asking advice about something that my common sence has already answered for me, but i hesitate because of possible fall out unique to jw issues.
most of my posts on this board lately have been about my 21 year old son's involvment with the jw's encouraged by jw mom, both knowing i'm against what they teach.
i've gotten some good advice on this board by some of you who answered a previous post of mine related to my concern of me being an enabler to my 21 year old son.
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Non JW involved with a JW
by LostInTranslation ini am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.
i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .
suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.
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marriedtoajw
LostIntranslation you have a pm
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Non Jw Dating a JW
by propel ini'm a non jw currently seeing a jw.
i am not totaly clear about the rules about jw's in dating.
could someone explain this to me and does it vary from family to family at all?
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marriedtoajw
I've been married to a jw for 22 years. She dated me cuz I think she was rebelling. We got married, we were somewhat happy in the early years but only because I was decieved, or allowed myself to be decieved and the JW issues never never never goes away. Even if he's not serious about it now, if he has family in, it's only a matter of time before he will. I'll be blunt... GET OUT NOW!!!! DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO FALL??? Save yourself a world of hurt and heartache, unless you're into the JW thing... THESE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!!!! GET OUT!!! Consider yourself warned...
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The huge impact the JWs have out in their door knocking --- May 15, 2013
by RayPublisher inthe may 15, 2013 washtowel has a cute little piece of artwork about what an impact they make out in serve-us.
i thought some captions might help make it clearer!.
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marriedtoajw
Are those real photos with the subtitles in a real article???
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Hope I planted a seed to my kid why it's not the Truth..
by marriedtoajw inmy wife took my kids to a special talk last night and i had no clue.
i came home from work at 9pm and no one was home.
i misplaced my house key so luckily they pulled in the drive way only minutes after me.
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marriedtoajw
My wife took my kids to a special talk last night and I had no clue. I came home from work at 9pm and no one was home. I misplaced my house key so luckily they pulled in the drive way only minutes after me. I was a little upset but didn't say a word in from of the kids. Once we all got inside, my 12 year old son asked how come I don't go to the meetings. Wife and other kids were all standing around and I just said, "because I don't believe that it's the truth". Mind you this is all because the wife has gotten JW crazy since my oldest sons 21st birthday. Anyway, my younger son didn't follow up and let it go at that and so I did too. This morning on the way to school I told him that they've made too many mistakes in the past that hurt people but still they call it "the Truth" and that God speaks to the world through them. He asked, like what mistakes. I mentioned the false prophecies because we had a talk a few months ago about the Camping prophecy failure that he himself critized. He said, "yeah that's too big huh"? By that time we got to school. My kid is very very smart and wise for his age...
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The Pope's Conscience Bothers Him And He Now Knows The Truth And Is Studying
by minimus inwouldn't that be something if you heard the witnesses saying that?
?.
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marriedtoajw
Come on with the jw conversion stuff.l My sarcasm radar must be off but you guys are kidding right? Rediculous...
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How do I keep from being an enabler while not appearing like Satan
by marriedtoajw inone thing that i havn't mentioned in any of my posts is that i have a 26 year old son along with the 4 kids that my wife and i have together.
i became a father very young, 15 to be exact.
that's a whole other issue but not on this post.
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marriedtoajw
Retrovirus said: Does he enjoy music and concerts? Would he like to have a decent car? Travel? Does he plan to marry one day?
He is very much into hip hop and does go to concerts. He has still maintained a close relationship with his worldy friends but I believe he is trying to be the example. As a matter of fact, he had about 4 friends here at the house but told them they had to go since he was about to go to the meeting with his mom. Oh, and about wanting a car, mistake on my part again, I bought him an old car cheap with mechanical problems that I bought to get him to and from school which he quit late last year. He likes to go to visit my wife's JW family out of state but that's about it. About having a family, you know I'm now sure. I'd always assued so but he has yet to have a real steady girlfriend or even go on a date. I've asked him if there was any girls in his life but it's always no. I have noticed that the only girlfriend he's every had in high school, for about 3 months, has been coming around to vist. But she's divorced with a kid. Don't think he's looking to make her the one though. Then again, he doesn't really confide in me much...
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How do I keep from being an enabler while not appearing like Satan
by marriedtoajw inone thing that i havn't mentioned in any of my posts is that i have a 26 year old son along with the 4 kids that my wife and i have together.
i became a father very young, 15 to be exact.
that's a whole other issue but not on this post.
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marriedtoajw
Would they be willing to read "Crisis of Conscience" or "Captives of a Concept"?
If not, would they be willing to do research to see what the WTS was teaching in 1918-1919, the time when Jesus supposedly inspected them and declared them to be the faithful and discreet slave?
I don't think so, although I've never asked. I've read COC many times to be very familiar with it. Once in a fit of impatience I rattled off a list of reasons to my wife why the JW's are wrong when my wife and her family did a kind of intervention on me by bombarding me with invintations to go to an assembly when her parents visited us a couple years ago. Maybe I should go to the next one and then begin to ask questions as if I might be interested in order to regain some of what I might has lost by opposing in earlier days. What do you guys think???
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How do I keep from being an enabler while not appearing like Satan
by marriedtoajw inone thing that i havn't mentioned in any of my posts is that i have a 26 year old son along with the 4 kids that my wife and i have together.
i became a father very young, 15 to be exact.
that's a whole other issue but not on this post.
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marriedtoajw
One thing that I havn't mentioned in any of my posts is that I have a 26 year old son along with the 4 kids that my wife and I have together. I became a father very young, 15 to be exact. That's a whole other issue but not on this post. I never mentioned it before because I didn't want to complicate the post because it wasn't relevant to what my post was about. His mother and I obviously didn't work out and we never married, not my doing she's the one that wanted to move on. I raised him with my wife and our other kids. In fact, my current JW wife and I married at 19 because she was pregnant at the time. I was a stupid kid doing things I shouldn't have been doing but what can I say, it is what it is. My son is married now with three kids of his own and has a very good job and is a very hard worker and is a great dad. He credits me and my wife for teaching him how to be good parents.
I mention all of this now because I know now that I made a huge mistake in that I took it very easy on my 21 years old son in so many ways particularly in encouraging him not working so that he could focus on his basketball practices and games as it was his dream to give that a shot. I just wanted him to enjoy his high school days to the full as I didn't have that opportunity. Having a child so young I started working before the legal age. Anyway once it was time to look for work, he has been very picky and passing up on jobs that he just didn't want to work. He's studying with the JW's through my wifes encouragement and seems content to continue on. I have yet to discourage him because of fear I will be seen as satan. He know's I'm an opposer as I'm sure my wife and her family have already made him aware. I did take him aside about 4 years ago, after my wife's baptism before he understood anything about the JW's and explained what was coming. I told him I loved him but that my wife's family may begin to encourage him more and more to study with them and that he needed to know why I don't believe in the religion. I mentioned the "false predictions" and how JW's suffered believing in it all. I think he may have forgotten this conversation though. It may seem strange but my wife and her family didn't really push the JW stuff until his late teens when they tried to study with him by phone behind my back. Once I told my wife it was wrong to do this behind my back, it was stopped, or at least it was done very discreetly.
My oldest son once mentioned to me that he thought my JW mil is brainwashed and seems to want to control and brainwash everyone else. I was very very taken back because he was shielded from all the JW stuff, but he nailed it. Anyway the whole point of this post is to give the contrast of my oldest son who is very confident, hardworking, family oriented and spiritual all of which he says he learned from me without me beating him over the head with it. Yet my 21 year old son has associated much more with JW's, especially over the last 4 years, has been love bombed by my wife's family and is beginning to adopt the JW world view. Yet, he has yet to get his first job, wants to go to every meeting, does not have a good sence of reality and is overall just like his mother. I love my wife, but she has always been taken care of either by her parents or me. Has worked maybe 4 years in 40 and has a cynical view of the world, as my son is developing as well. I don't blame myself for all of this but I do struggle with a game plan or questions I could ask to get them to start thinking without it being so awkward since I have been so careful in everything that I say or do. I type this now as my wife and son just went to the meeting with my 8 years old daughter. So hard figuring this crap out...
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Help!!!
by marriedtoajw ini have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and i really need it now.
i don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help.
feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child.
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marriedtoajw
Thanks for that video link Biblestudent. I watched the whole video and I see that Steve Hasans seems to emphasize trying to get the cult member to think for themselves by asking questions out of curiousity. This strategy I believe could work well in the beginning stages of the members entry into the cult. Someone in my position, I mean being so close to the member for so long while practically sitting on my hands due to ignorance, I don't think this tactic will work. You see, there have been occasions in the last few years when I tried this only to have the woman I love dodge questions or change the subject, exactly what some here told me she would do. She hides the cult personality from me but I've seen it a few times when I asked questions. She went into robot mode and started to spiel the JW talk and I was so taken back. I can relate very well to what Steve said when he mentions the transformation cult members go through. I saw it but it was very subtle. Only when I asked questions did I see just how blind I've been. Once my wife told me she wanted to get baptized is when I did serious deep research. I regret very much waiting so long to do it but without the internet I had very little resources and we didn't get the internet until around the year 2000 and even then I never stumbled on to good informative sites. I just didn't know where to begin.