i too am 50. I've really come clean with my waking this year, but it did begin as long as 10 years ago.
I dont know how much time has past since 50 for you, but it does seem like you are carrying a lot of anger. Perhaps that is when you are making a point, or and need to get your feelings out. I feel like i am moving past it already. Do you feel like your feelings have improved at all since waking?