Muddy Waters,
Your observations can be helpful to those whose wives are still in.
I agree with your observations because I lived it. My first husband was Dfed for the second time and no longer pretended to be a JW. I was miserable trying to "save" our children from certain death from my loving God with what I saw as a terrible "Worldly influence" from their father. I was angry that he broke our JW wedding vows about a "threefold cord" with "Jehovah in our marriage" I'm embarrassed to say I threw tantrums too. For that and many other reasons the marriage ended.
Meanwhile, I find a polar opposite of my first husband in my new congo. He he's a respected elder, kind, honest, faithful, completely unselfish. We marry and attempt to be as perfect JWs as possible. That didn't last long and is a separate story. The point is we are now both out physically and mentally and are experiencing the same freedom as INDIVIDUALS as you and our marriage has been strengthened because of it. We do not always agree but when we don't, we don't pass moral judgement on the other or try to see what the Watchtower (yuck) has to say on the subject. Like you, we are FINALLY acting like adults.