So sorry you are feeling this way. I am newly awakened myself. Sometimes it feels very lonely-especially when you have to watch everything you say and do in public. Remember though, that when we were still "in" we had to do the same anyway, plus all the meetings , service, parts, assems, etc. Many of us were lonely even at the meetings because we were ignored.
As born ins we are so accostomed to having our whole life planned out for us that freedom seems weird at first. Like letting a scared animal out of a cage. Sometimes it just feels safer inside like it's being somehow protected. The outside world has been deamonized by the WT$ all our lives so it naturally takes time and experience to reprogram our thinking.
Never forget this is a cult. We have been captives of the powerful influence and control that is used. Have you read either of Steve Hassons books yet? These are very useful in understanding the techniques used on us and how to become free from the mindset. Be patient. It is a process. People are here to help!