Posts by rubadubdub

16

What,s a dysfunctional family in your opinion???

by jam in

just recently a family i know well (non-jw) big problems.. i thought my family (my ex and my kids) and other jw family.

members were dysfunctional but no comparison to this family.. i have known families that became jw,s, their famliy were.

dysfunctional but in a strange way their family became strong.. my thought , if you have one child that goes amok that ,s not.

rubadubdub

In my experience: "Dry alcoholic", lying, cheating dad paired with undiagnosed mentally ill mom leading to the perfect storm: child abuse (sexual, physical, verbal and emotional), neglect, mental illness, alcoholism and addition.

The children are not taught healthy ways to assertivly express how they think and feel. They have no voice. This leads to backbiting, gossip, isolationism and mayhem between the siblings.

Someone has to break the cycle. Someone has to get healthy and learn to set appropriate boundaries. Someone has to stop feeding the fire. That someone is me.

7

My Psychiatrist

by Mum in

so, i went to see my psychiatrist the other day.

she asked me, "does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness?".

i replied, "no, actually we all enjoy it!

rubadubdub

finally awake wrote:

My therapist says insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.

My hubby bethelyellowdollarbag always quoted his dad on that one: "You get the kids you deserve."

My response: "Why did I get the kids you deserve?"

23

Innapropriate for young children? Scare tactics?

by The Quiet One in

gods word for us through jeremiah page 128 '..his mother bought a ram and a ewe.

he looked after them, and the ewe produced two lambs a year, so the flock began to grow..."early one morning while i was still in bed," he recalls, "i heard them bleating.

when i finally did, i saw a pack of wild dogs running away from my lambs, which had their bellies ripped open.

rubadubdub

Leading up to 1975 and for years after I had nightmares of being tortured in concentration camps. One of the many layers of my Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

11

The Best News Ever !!

by AndDontCallMeShirley in

dyslexia for cure found !!.

.

isn't awesome that?

rubadubdub

What does the dyslexic insomniac ponder as he lays awake all night?

"Is there really a Dog?"

Yes, I know it's an oldie, but it is a good one. And yes, too dyslexic I am.

18

how do you cope with the stress of fading?

by brainmelt in

jw
friends

i'm really struggling with it.

i've been learning the ttatt for the past 6 months now and i've been inadvertantly fading - either one of us or the children have had coughs/colds/flu/chicken pox/stress over the past 3 months which has meant we've missed a lot of meetings and field service with good reason.

we've only been out in service twice this year, so far no ones mentioned it to us but i'm waiting for our group overseer to bring it up anytime soon.

rubadubdub

Mindmelt, First know that what you are feeling is completely normal. From what you say in your intro, you may have been raised as a JW or be a born in. This is huge. You are not going crazy. You say are crying every Friday and feeling guilty. What you are experiencing is cognitive dissonance. When you read Combatting Mind Control, by Steven Hasaan, you will understand that more. You are trying to process so much information and so many feelings all at once. Facing the fact that you have to rebuild your life from the foundation up and examine all you have known to be true is overwhelming, but you can do this! As others have advised, take it slowly. Take care of yourself. Find one fun thing to do for yourself and with your children outdoors every day. This will keep you grounded.

Love your husband, but remember you can’t carry your husband through this. He has his own journey. My husband faded over 30 years before I walked away. Recognize that the issues that bother you may not have the same impact on him. I don’t want to sound cold, but since there are children involved your first duty as a parent is to protect them. Your husband is a grown man who can and needs to fend for himself. You said you have been the “spiritual head.” He may follow your lead in this too, and that would be great. Again focus on yourself. You know the analogy-- in an emergency on a plane; put the oxygen mask on yourself, before you help anyone else.

Other books by Steven Hassan are: Releasing the Bonds, Empowering People to Think for Themselves and Freedom of Mind, Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People Cults and Beliefs. If my memory serves me well, Releasing the Bonds has the most information on JWs.

Crisis of Conscience, by Ray Franz has also been mentioned and can be purchased as a pdf. A book I don’t see mentioned often is entitled, Leaving the Fold, A guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion, by Marlene Winell. This book really resonated with me having known nothing other than Christian Scientist beliefs through my grandmother until she died and then beginning my studies as a JW when I was nine.

Lastly, the advice not to talk to anyone, not elders, not family members, about your doubts is paramount right now. Be a broken record if necessary. Formulate a short sound bite that you are comfortable with—I’m really struggling with sick kids and depression right now; I’ll let you know if I need anything. No further discussion is warranted.

The elders will use “Theocratic Warfare”, and that is what mode you need to be in. I downloaded a .pdf of the elders’ handbook, Shepherd the Flock of God (Google it.) This will help you to see what you are up against.

Keep reading, keep posting, ask questions, vent. We are here for you, and we care.

Rubbity

7

My Psychiatrist

by Mum in

so, i went to see my psychiatrist the other day.

she asked me, "does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness?".

i replied, "no, actually we all enjoy it!

rubadubdub

My sister says she loves it when her cat Jimmy talks to her.

82

Will AAWA Become another cult?

by His Excellency in

please sorry for english, i have only been learning for 18 months.

everyone please think about it, and beware of any initiative designed to solve "a community problem".

becasue russel also started his own cult on a similar premise like this , claiming to have all the answers to issues whose solutions seems obscured to the majority in his days, and here we are today, constantly bashing our fingers on the keyboard in a bid to finding comfort from the mess he had put all of us into.

rubadubdub

Cobaltcupcake, You read my mind-- that was my first response! You are so handy with those little icons!

32

How many ways....

by Lady Lee in

... can you name that the wts hurts people?.

two big ones for me:.

it pushes people to the edge and when they commit suicide they say: "well he wasn't really a jw anyways soit has nothing to do with us".. it pushes people so much to do more and more and more that they get depressed, and physically sick.

rubadubdub

The WBT$ takes away all of your Legitimate Rights in a Relationship as defined by Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

You have a right to need things from others.

You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.

You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.

You have the right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.

You have the right to your opinions and convictions,

You have the right to your experience–even if it is different from that of other people.

You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.

You have a right to negotiate for change.

You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).

You have a right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.

You have a right not to justify yourself to others.

You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.

You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.

*Quoted from The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook by McKay, Wood, and Brantley, pg. 202

Also, The Headship Principle in marriage simply does not work! It destroys marriages. Marriage based on the premise of an equal partnership has a much better chance of working.

82

Will AAWA Become another cult?

by His Excellency in

please sorry for english, i have only been learning for 18 months.

everyone please think about it, and beware of any initiative designed to solve "a community problem".

becasue russel also started his own cult on a similar premise like this , claiming to have all the answers to issues whose solutions seems obscured to the majority in his days, and here we are today, constantly bashing our fingers on the keyboard in a bid to finding comfort from the mess he had put all of us into.

rubadubdub

And the Survey says: Best answer: The Quiet One: "Sorry, I must have missed the part where Cedars demanded that people volunteer or be annihilated. Damned narcolepsy..."

94

14 months after printing the "Steve and Selma" article, guess what the Society's latest Awake is about...

by cedars in

you guessed it.... .

http://www.jw.org/download/?fileformat=pdf&issue=201304&output=html&pub=g&langwritten=e&option=trgchlzrqvnyvrxf&txtcmslang=e.

cedars.

rubadubdub

My first moment of cognitive dissonance is so clear in my memory even to this day:

Time: 1976

Age: 17 (Baptized at age 16)

Place: Circuit Assembly, Natick, MA, USA

"Experience" given by a "sister" with an "unbelieving mate"

A sister relates to a captivated audience the detail of her long marriage to an abusive man. It was so abusive that she and the brothers felt it wise to have her own children live outside the home and be raised by another JDub family! The sister felt it so important to remain loyal to her marital vow and Jehovah's arrangement that she abandonned her own children! She was so thankful that after decades, Jehovah finally called her to peace when her husband suddenly died of a heart attack.

There wasn't a dry eye as far as I could see, everyone clapping, but I was in shock. I was living in a violent and abusive family. That is what drew me to the witnesses at age nine. I thought they would lead me to a happy family life in my future, away from my family. My alcoholic father abandonned his five children and left them with a mentally ill mother just one year earlier when I was 16. I was the defacto parent. I knew this was wrong. Why would a loving God bless a woman for abandonning her own children? Why would he bless her by striking her husband dead if it was the right thing to do for her to stay in the marriage? WHAT ABOUT HER CHILDREN???

I will never forget that!