Tell them, "Look, I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel exhausted. I cannot cope with the demands of meetings and field service at the moment. Your constant pressure to do something that I cannot cope with makes me worse. . . . It is MY faith and relationship with Jehovah. He understands even if you don't. I am doing what is necessary for my spiritual and mental wellbeing and shall return to meetings and service. . .when *I* am ready. . ."
dissonance_resolved, I agree with what AnnOMaly wrote, although I have softened it a bit. It may seem that you are in the same place as you were months ago, but you are not. Your family still is though. As you said, the elephant is still in the room, and they are using emotional blackmail. The thing is you are not in the same place if you are exhausted and crying all the time. Something has to give, and it can't be you.
Since you have said you accept that you may loose your parents and friends (and your "friends" are already disappearing), but just want to keep your family, can you try to get your husband to talk about what he is feeling, not what he is thinking-- what he is feeling. Has he said he feels betrayed? (I felt that way after my husband left.) If you can get him talking, even if it is interlaced with cultspeak, then you can be really understanding and supportive of what HE is going through. Emphasize that you have been a "faithful servant of Jehovah for x years." Tell him you are really struggling right now and don't fully understand what is going on yourself, but you just can"t handle going to meetings or in service right now. Tell him you are certain that Jehovah understands. Tell him you are leaving things in Jehovah's hands, because you trust him to be fair and just, looking at your lifetime of heartfelt service and love for Him.
Tell your husband all you want right now is to be a good wife and mother. Tell him you are the same woman he married on the inside, that first and foremost, you love him and your children. Can you enlist his help in running interference when others pressure you? I guess I'm trying to say to try to get him on your side emotionally, leaving doctrinal issues out of the mix.
This is basically the speech I have given to my former congregation elders (although I have played the mental health card a bit more strongly), my two best "friends" in the Org and again to two pioneer sisters that dropped by about a month ago. They have all left me alone so far. And yes, all the rest of my lifelong "friends" disappeared after five months' time. Maybe as you approach the six month "inactive" phase, they start to back away.
I'm sorry you are in so much pain. xo
