Thanks for your insight Gorb. Myself and my wife were both 3rd generation in. What started our fade? It's a combination of things.
Mostly I think it began with my becoming seriously ill while still serving as an elder and suddenly seeing how quickly things in the cong were rearranged and (because I was suffering with severe clinical depression) how quickly friends distanced themselves from me. I wasn't even copied in to minutes from the elders meetings. Later I learned that it was because a lot of negative comments were being made about me at those meetings.
A short while after my wife needed cancer treatment and again we couldn't get any help from the cong. It had us seriously evaluating "love is the identifying mark" .
As an elder I had served on judicial and appeal committees where accusations of child abuse had been made against certain ones. We saw elders taken off but never disfellowshipped, and the society's "protect the congregation and Jehovah's name at all costs" stance used to irritate me beyond belief. I would come home annoyed and vent to my wife, probably opening her eyes to things she wouldn't normally have been aware of in the organisation.
The new light on the overlapping generations bugged her, she said it was nonsensical. Why can't they just admit that they got things wrong!?
There were lots of things I had always filed away under We'll Wait And See. Michael the Archangel being Jesus? Why?Types and Antitypes nonsense to apply it to a crowd of people in Brooklyn. And a host of other things.
I started looking at "apostate" websites, and it was such a relief to realise that we weren't alone in our doubts. Up to then I had been wary because in the 70s two members of our family had read Crisis in Conscience and had left the Truth to join the Presbyterian church. They were shunned by the family and friends as a result. Ok, I didn't want to be treated as badly as they were. I now have a much better understanding of the struggle they must have faced and wish I could reach out to them (they both died a few years ago).
No longer serving as an elder following a second serious personal illness, it became very easy to slide gently into obscurity. We're out for several years now, fully active (as much as health let's us) in local community advocacy groups promoting the best for our local community.
My parents were Gilead missionaries. My wife's family were pioneers and served where the need was greater. Grandparents believed they were of the anointed class. Do I miss my times giving district assembly talks? Not in the slightest, at the time you thought you were special to have been picked, yet when I think about it now everything you said was from the organisation, you weren't allowed to diverge from the script. So I was only being a ventriloquist dummy for some faceless person in the Writing Committee in New York. It wasn't really me as it definitely is now.
I regret the years I spent serving a lie. Although, the public speaking training I received has helped me in my post-JW life. We have real genuine friends in the local community and good self-esteem. We are our own people and our blessed in so many ways that before we became POMO we genuinely could not have imagined.