I am in partial agreement with you Pope
It's not about right or wrong, winning or losing, it's about respecting your mates rights to exercise the free will of their conscious.
And even if she does NOT respect your right of disassociation, that does not negate your responsibilities in repecting he decision to stay a JW
This is the statement I can't quite agree with. I believe respect has to be reciprocated or it wouldn't work. Although he may shower her with love, affection, understanding about her wishes this by no means should give her free reign to demean and constantly question the choice he made with respect to disassociation.
The battles have to be chosen very carefully. The decision has to be made...do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy. If you want to be right, you'll destroy your marriage trying to impose your will on the other. If you want to be happy, you'll look for an equitable solution you both can live with.
And anyway, whenever I have seen a situation develop like this, when I was still "in", it didn't take too long for the congregations "magic" to start working. The marriage mate who still kept coming to meetings was soon subtlely treated like an outcast or a leper, somehow to blame for the other mate leaving. So normally the faithful one soon got the hint and they quit too!!!
That's the state I think my wife is in. Her attendance is very sporadic at best. Her very suspicious nature, fueled inpart by WT psychobably, has left her ill equipped to deal with nothing more than the surface level friendships JWs are known for. When she does go, she's in and out of the KH without speaking to anyone and she currently gets copies of KMs from other JW relatives.
When the pedophile issue broke I actually got her to reluctantly admit that the WT is not the perfect organization they want everyone to think they are, which for us both is a milestone. All her relatives are drones, so, if she bails she has much to lose. If it weren't for them, it would only be a matter of time for her to see the org for what they truely are.