pamkw

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Posts by pamkw

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  52

  Whats you favorite drink?

  by Gadget in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just had a really bad day at work.

  apart from what you'd normally expect from a 15 hr shift, tonight vitually everything that could go wrong did.

  when i got home i decided to have a drink(the first since emans barbie!!!

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  pamkw

  right now I am reading and drinking Amber Bock. I also like lagers of any type and used to drink MGD all the time.

  Pam
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  35

  The long, boring, and pointless story of CZAR - with happy ending!

  by czarofmischief in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  here it is, it took me two days to write and therefore nobody should actually be able to read it.. the purpose of writing a story like mine down serves two purposes.

  first, i must find a coherent understanding and explanation of the events that have befallen me.

  second, i hope that my story helps others in some way, to let them know that there is indeed "light at the end of the tunnel.

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  pamkw

  Czar,

  I fought for and got the diagnoses last year. He is on a truck load of medicines and after 3 long years of therapy things are better. The doctors knew what was wrong with him but wanted to wait until he was 16 to "label" him. I didn't want to have to suffer without proper meds and treatment. There was not point. So I read books and emailed doctors and forced a change. I can't stand mental health care professionals. School is starting now, and I am nervous but his special ed teacher seems cool. He is in a class of emotionally distrubed kids. They used to call it behavior disordered. I have a hard time holding a full time job as I need to be able to leave at the drop of a hat to go to school to get him when he melts down. Hopefully this year will be more peaceful.

  Pam
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  7

  Stripping away layers of guilt-Couldn't have done it without JWD

  by pamkw in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i come here a lot, read always and post sometimes.

  what i have learned from this board would take to long to write.

  so this is a thank you to simon and everyone else.

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  pamkw

  I come here a lot, read always and post sometimes. What I have learned from this board would take to long to write. So this is a thank you to Simon and everyone else.

  When I first stopped going to meetings I still thought like a jw. My mom could lay on the guilt, and it would stick like glue. I was so sure I was killing my children and I can married a non-believer. (we had actually been living together, but I told everyone we were married), and I was paralized by guilt. Then I got the internet. Then I waited a year to look up anything about jws or exjws. That was when I learned about the generation change, and the first BIG layer of guilt peeled right off me. I felt like my life was starting over. I was a good parent, and I was not killing my children. I was never going back. But I didn't know what to do.

  I felt that I had to serve God so I jumped right into a church. The infactuation lasted for a couple of years. I went from being a jw,to being a fundy born again Christian. Not a lot of difference, just not as much guilt. At least not at first. This a new church and the pastor at first was very careful what he said not to offend anyone. Now after 4 years, he is telling people to tithe, and to do ministry. Always pushing doing something, even if you don't want to. At least to his credit, he promotes helping the community. But then the church started talking a little end time and hell stuff. Wait a minute.

  During this time that I was reading so called christian books and doing lots of Bible reading I found this place.And started reading and reading. And using the search feature.

  I have always wondered about where the Bible came from, how true it really is, the history of early man (watched walking with cavemen, and really enjoyed it). So I started searching what some of the smarter people here knew about such things. I have two computers, andon both I have saved many of the websites that are quoted here. In fact on the laptop the list of favs has gotten very long. My son even put them all in a special folder called Mom's stuff. The guilt I felt about having questions started to go away. I realized questions are okay.

  Recently I stopped going to the church because I on longer feel the need. Maybe there is a creator, but I don't think he or she is the one talked about in the Bible. For the last few days I have been finally reading some of the websites on my saved list. And I have felt like a new person. I can choose to believe are not believe. And I have this list to thank. Last night I was reading about how historical research does not support the stories in the Bible. I felt like maybe I had known that all along. I got so carried away reading that it was 2 am before I even looked at the clock.

  The guilt that I had been carrying because I had decided I didn't want to go to church or even be Christian anymore melted away. I don't have to feel guilty, or worry about what some unknown being thinks of me. Lately I have been feeling like a whole new person. And I love reading anything I want.

  I could not have done it without all of you. I feel like a little kid just learning to read, thanks for showing me how to get myself back.

  Pam

  ps please excuse spelling mistakes, my son's love bird took the keys off my laptop a few months ago,so now some of them (like the spacebar) stick. I never knew a bird would do that.
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  35

  The long, boring, and pointless story of CZAR - with happy ending!

  by czarofmischief in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  here it is, it took me two days to write and therefore nobody should actually be able to read it.. the purpose of writing a story like mine down serves two purposes.

  first, i must find a coherent understanding and explanation of the events that have befallen me.

  second, i hope that my story helps others in some way, to let them know that there is indeed "light at the end of the tunnel.

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  pamkw

  Thanks for writing czar. I know a little bit about bipolar disorder as my 11 year old son has it. I am so glad I am not raising him as jw. Our life would have been hell. So happy things are going good for you now.

  Pam
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  49

  WHAT WOULD U DO IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?

  by Mary in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  if you won the lottery, what would you do?

  would you continue to work?

  how much would you give your family and friends?

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  pamkw

  I buy a ticket every now and then. I would move away from my family. They are driving me nuts. I would buy a house and an RV so I could travel to places like the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone. I would hire a private tutor for my son. School is so stressful for him. I would probably buy my mom a nice place to live.I know her jw sensibilites would say she didn't like gambling, but she would not turn down a house or cold hard cash. I would help my sister finish getting her teaching degree. I would tell my jw little sister where she could stick any opinion of me she has. (Actually I am going to do that anyway, she just stated to other relatives she wishes I were dead.) Oh and I would never work again. But I would do something to help other single parents in ways I wish I could have gotten help when my kids were young.

  It's a nice dream but it will never happen.

  Pam
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  61

  Disfellowshipping - How long to return?

  by CaptK in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anybody know how long it takes for one to get re-instated if you are not that well liked by the body of elders?

  i was disfellowshiped for immorality almost 2 years ago.

  with my job and attending college to keep in step with my field of work, i have only been attending the sunday talk & wt meeting every week.

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  pamkw

  You will need to get your respect back on your own. Don't let them take it from you. Once you are df, even if you get back in the cong. will not treat you with respect. Once you make a mistake they will always expect the worst from you. I think that is why I was able to walk away a few years ago, I had made mistakes in my past and no one expected me to measure up. You are a great, important human being, don't let them take that away from you. I do understand your pain, I have been there myself in the past.

  Life is less confusing and happier without them.

  Pam
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  61

  Disfellowshipping - How long to return?

  by CaptK in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anybody know how long it takes for one to get re-instated if you are not that well liked by the body of elders?

  i was disfellowshiped for immorality almost 2 years ago.

  with my job and attending college to keep in step with my field of work, i have only been attending the sunday talk & wt meeting every week.

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  pamkw

  I did the reinstatment thing when I was 21. It was one of the most humiliating things I ever did. I struggled for years and then just walked away. Do you really want to subject yourself to that? No one ever lets you forget what you have done. There is no real forgiveness in the watchtower. I would think very carefully about going back if I were you.

  Pam
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  151

  Christianity promotes a helpless victim mentality...

  by logansrun in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  i'm going to be a man of few words here.

  christianity, in it's truest, fundamentalist form, promotes an unhealthy and non-productive victim mentality.

  the christian feels helpless on his own -- condemned by sin and absolutely unworthy.

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  pamkw

  I agree also. In fact,I have been rethinking the whole ransom thing. The whole original sin thing seems hard to take for me. Who says humans are sinners? The whole Bible is about sin and I do not feel sinful. I live my life in a way that shows love and respect to others. I was going to a very fundy church, and I got tired of hearing how worthless I am without Jesus. I am happier now since I have started researching things on my own. I really like taking care of myself, and not letting my happiness be controlled by someone else.

  Pam
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  17

  what is the # 1 reason people join the JW's ??? what attracts people ???

  by run dont walk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  being brought up in the borg, i always envied my friends that did not have to go in service, go to meetings, and waste their weekends away, i have never really been able to understand why someone would join the jw's unless they were born (forced) into it.

  aside from maybe coming from an abusive lifestyle or relationship, or had serious drug/alcohol problems, this i could understand how the religion helped them get back on track.

  so why do people join ???

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  pamkw

  For my mom and grandma, they were going through a bad time in their lives. Later I think my grandma stayed in because her daughters were both jw, and she lived with my aunt and uncle. She had many questions about the org, but only shared them with me because we were close and I wouldn't tell anyone. My mom on the other hand uses her religion as an excuse to stay in her bad marriage. After all God will end it soon, so it doesn't matter how unhappy she is. That way she does not have to be responsible for her actions, since God will take care of it soon.

  It is such a waste of a life. It makes me sick

  Pam
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  11

  I had thought I had gotten over all this crap.

  by pamkw in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this has been a very bad couple of weeks for me.

  i thought i was having a fairly okay relationship with my mother, and even though she was not happy with me not being a jw anymore, she seemed to live with it.

  i have even recently been able to have conversations with my jw younger sister and not come away angry.

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  pamkw

  Thanks for the kind words everyone. My mother has been talking about me to my sisters, but I have heard anything yet. It is sad to realize that if we were not related, we would not even be friends. If I were her co worker I would just shake my head and walk away. But we are related and that is why it hurts.

  Pam