One_, I just read this thread. And Nosferatu and Xena have the best responses . I think their experiences have great value for all of us walking wounded. If I may suggest a book, The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. It's quite a journey that this man has been on, and I think you will appreciate his philosophy.
At 42 you are too young for the male mid-life crisis. I'd say 49 or 50 is the real mcCoy.