When I left around 14 years ago, as I walked out of the K.H, I looked back and thought " I shall never enter that place again" . Well I did. Two or three times, but only for Funerals.
I simply could not muster the strength to suffer the pain and boredom of an actual J.W meeting, the pain coming from not being able to shout out " This is all False, Deluded Nonsense !" or something similar.
I doubt I will attend another Funeral, not that the last one was too bad, they seem to have mellowed a bit , and at least some of the content was a Eulogy to the Departed one, but I still find the experience excruciatingly painful, for the above reasons. I should really, I suppose, be able to suffer it like I do other Religion's Funeral Services, but it is different for me, a J.W one.
I wish all the best to you poor sods who are "awake" but still have to attend !