Hi Losing it...
I understand completely how you feel. I am still in the org with my family even though I am mentally 100% out.
I endured about 3 years of horrible stress over this but I started coming around when I allowed myselft the right to be happy regardless of what that required.
I'm not saying its easy, but I have found a way to be happy as a JW despite not beleiving a word of it. I've also found several inside that feel as I do. But we all love our freindships and our bonds.
Needless to say I don't hang out with die-hards that cry about the new system all day long ( you know the types) I have a great group of freinds that just like the same things I do, sports, music, traveling, good food, etc. What's wrong with that?
call me fake, or whatever you want. I have discovered that all that matters is being happy. period. There are happy JW's, happy Catholics, happy atheists, happy muslims, and there are miserable JW's, Catholics, atheists and muslims.
For anyone to say that you can't be a JW and be happy is a very naive statement. There is no right or wrong answer.
People in all walks of life keep parts of their lives private, religion, politics, sexual preferences, opinions etc. Not because their "hiding" it, its just what many of us do in a society to keep peace with our friends, families and co-workers.
If being a JW makes you miserable then LEAVE! but if being happy is more important than being right, (which I truly believe it is) then find your niche and you will find freinds that are like you and understand you, and THAT makes life great, even as JW