((((((WANNAEXIT)))))))
I can certainly empathize with you and you have every right to feel that way. 20 years is a long time.
One thing that helps me is to contemplate the lives of others, not JW's, but others around me. The perspective we have on life is unlike so many around us. It came at a great cost as it did for you, but many struggle their entire life without getting anywhere near our perspective.
this comes only from a tragic event, for many exJW's that event isn't a car accident or beating cancer, but losing our identity and starting our lives over.
You could have done all of those things your cousins did and be miserable, these feelings you have are not entirely unique to former JW's, people of all religions (or not) of all walks of life look back with regret about life decisions and lost time.
Does everything happen for a reason? your life as a JW doesn't have to be all negative, you were still you, you were growing into the person you are today.